


A Season For Fireflies

by crowind



Series: A Season For Fireflies [1]
Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Roselia-style Drama, one chapter cameos of HHW and Afterglow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-07-29 02:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16254989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowind/pseuds/crowind
Summary: Indispensable is just another word for the weak link in a chain, as Lisa seeks to discover when she breaks her arm before an important gig. Are you fully devoted?





	1. Holding open the door

**Author's Note:**

> I did like Neo-Aspect, but there are still certain things I want to play with.
> 
> Spoilers for events up to Fresh Green Largo, that is, that certain characters will receive character development. For the purpose of this story Roselia's songs are less like what they are in the game/3D Roselia lives and more what I'm imagining from the descriptions in-game.
> 
> Any and all feedback is welcome.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roselia and one year's worth of character development. Are you fully devoted?

"Surprise!" Ako said once Lisa's mother had disappeared upstairs. All of Roselia was present, still in their school uniforms and toting their school bags. 

"I'm definitely surprised! Come in, come in! Did you come straight from practice? What about dinner?" 

"Please excuse us," Sayo said, and Rinko mumbled, the former holding onto her guitar case as she took off her shoes. "And yes, we went to the family restaurant after practice, and then here. It was Minato-san's idea." Yukina had gone ahead, saying something about making tea. "She seems to have come here often." 

"Haha, a bit like her own house, yeah. To be fair, it's also the other way around for me. But tell me, tell me, how was practice?" 

Lisa's room was too small for five people, so they were piled in the living room instead, Ako and Rinko and Sayo somewhat uncomfortably on the sofa, and through Sayo's sheer stubbornness, Lisa on an armchair by herself. The last remaining armchair was apparently meant for Yukina. 

Legs bouncing, Ako said, "Actually, Sayo-san was super nice during practice! … Nicer than usual, anyway. She even sounded like Lisa-nee sometimes." 

"Udagawa-san!" Ah, she was flustered, that stoic Sayo. Lisa let out a small laugh. 

Rinko said, "Practice went well… please don't worry about us." 

_What else can I do?_ Lisa unclenched her right hand. "Ahaha, habit is all, since I couldn't come to practice. But I'm glad to hear that." 

She sensed rather than saw Sayo opening her mouth, but the conversation was suspended as Yukina entered with a tray containing tea for five. Yukina was watching her as Lisa took one glass. All of them were. It made her feel even more self-conscious. 

"Hey, my right hand's still fine, see? I can still go to school. Or drink on my own, when it comes down to it." She blew on the surface, took a prolonged sip. Hot tea burned her tongue, bitter and numbing. 

"Sorry." Yukina cleared her throat. "As I said through LINE, everyone wanted to see how you were doing." 

Ah, straight to the point, with some attempts at skirting around it. Lisa had to smile at her for that, at all of them. 

The verdict was: at least three months. Definitely longer than two weeks. In that time, she was expressly forbidden to exert her left arm. Well, Lisa said lightly, it's not like it could do a lot in cast. Playing the bass was of course out of the questions. 

Through her explanation Yukina's face remained frozen; it was easier to look at. Easier for Lisa to come to her grand proposal. "… But you're still going to perform at the SMS, aren't you?" 

"Not without you!" Ako said, scandalised. 

"Thank you, Ako, but that's just not practical, you know? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, and with this we'll be one step closer to getting into the Future World Fest. Besides all we need to do is find another bassist – " 

Sayo bit out, "Don't be foolish. You alone are our bassist. There is no other." 

It wasn't the first time Sayo had said it, but with each iteration the lump that stuck in her throat grew larger, until Lisa couldn't swallow it. 

"That's right. In addition, it's impossible to find a bassist that could harmonize well with Roselia within two weeks." In contrast to Sayo, Yukina spoke with a deliberately even tone. She had made a decision; it was final. 

But so had Lisa. She tore her gaze away from Yukina and met Sayo's, her greatest hurdle. "I've had time to think about it while resting. There is one person we both know who can fill in in such a short time." 

Bewilderment, then understanding, and then a quick succession of emotions that reminded Lisa strongly of the very person she was alluding to. "You're joking," Sayo said flatly. 

"Eh? Who?" Ako whispered audibly to Rinko. 

"Maybe… Shirasagi-san?" 

Sayo twitched. The nosey part of Lisa wanted to dig in… but not now. "I don't know her. In any case, Imai-san could only be speaking of Hina." 

"Eh?! … Uh, who?" 

Sayo let out an exasperated sigh. 

— 

Lisa had seen Pastel*Palletes perform live exactly once, under the pretense of accompanying Sayo, whose pretense in turn was oppositional research. (Sayo herself would have said it was the other way around.) 

The venue was fairly packed, likely because it was small to begin with. That said, it was still larger than Roselia's usual audience. Lisa had a good time waving her brand-new penlight with the crowd (Sayo absolutely refused to even buy one), and later fishing for post-mortem to report to Yukina. It was fairly brutal: only Yamato-san was truly skilled, and even then she was hampered by the simplicity of the songs; Shirasagi-san did the bare minimum on her instrument, but admittedly she could command the stage; Wakamiya-san… tried, but the best part was still the pre-recorded synth tracks; a long-suffering sigh for Maruyama-san. 

Their respective biases aside, neither could deny that Hina had stolen the stage. Electrifying, Lisa had said of a performance that sounded suspiciously improvised at times, occasionally not quite perfect. Nonetheless, she didn't think it was exaggerated to say Hina's guitar was the life of the stage. 

Yes, Sayo had replied, frowning. She had that tone again, the one that always cropped up when 'Hina' and 'guitar' were lined up in a sentence. Envy. Pride. Admiration. Desolation. "It's a sound only Hina can make." 

— 

"I cannot afford someone who would improvise on a whim during lives." 

Lisa had imagined Yukina would've objected, but not that it'd be the sticking point. "Haaaa… but you're fine with the guitarist of an idol band part?" 

"That makes her a professional. Moreover, even I've heard of 2-A's genius Hikawa-san, incidentally our Sayo's twin sister. I have no reason to doubt her skills." 

…In other words, for better or worse Yukina was completely indifferent to idols. But she was watching Sayo with an inscrutable expression. The look Sayo returned was equally opaque. Oblivious to this telepathic exchange, Ako spoke up. 

"So so so, she must be very skilled, second only to Sayo-san." 

Sayo stared at Ako, nonplussed. Ever kind, Rinko said, "Ako-chan, bass and guitar are… different… It's not like you and Tomoe-san…" 

But doesn't having fewer strings make it easier, Ako began to say. Lisa decided to take back the reins. "Ahaha, I had her try a song when she came by earlier to deliver class handouts, so I can personally vouch that it's not going to be a problem. If you asked her to not improvise, I'm sure she would understand. But more importantly, Yukina, you can't pass up this chance. Roselia must perform at the SMS." 

Four pairs of eyes waited for Yukina's reaction. But Yukina simply passed the ball to Sayo. Or rather, shot at the goal Sayo was guarding. As though chewing through a cud, she said, "I suppose we must at least give Imai-san's design a chance." 

Goal? 

Yukina nodded. "I think so, too. I'll leave the invitation and other details to you." 

Goal! 

Her guests didn't stay long after that, worn out from practice and school. The general mood seemed to be one of excitement; Lisa wished one by one good night, until only Yukina tarried behind, cleaning up in her place. 

("I still have one functional hand."

"Your mother warned me you'd try that."

So Lisa ended up standing awkwardly by the window, gazing out at clear starless sky while Yukina washed the dishes.) 

"You put Sayo on the spot, you know," her best friend said casually. 

"I did, didn't I~ Well, I knew Sayo could take it. Her relationship with Hina's gotten a lot better. But so did you, Yukina." 

"Only Sayo understands Roselia's sound better than I do, it's inevitable that I'd rely on her judgement." 

"Definitely soulmates," said Lisa, nodding to herself. 

Yukina continued as though she hadn't said anything. "Well, that goes for the others as well. We have come some ways from our chaotic, beginning days. Please don't worry about us and focus on your recovery." 

"The more everyone says that the more worried I am." Yukina frowned at her. Laughing, Lisa said, "But you're right, of course! There's nothing else I can do, so there's no need to worry, either. More importantly, I trust you. Look, you didn't burn the tea this time." 

"T-that was once in middle school!" 

— 

Saturday afternoon was for Roselia's band practice. 

Lisa caught Hina just as they were both arriving at CiRCLe, and Yukina dumped Lisa's bass on her almost too gladly. Heads joined together, Yukina and Sayo entered the live house first. Hina was buzzing, quite literally bouncing on the balls of her feet. "You made Yukina-chan carry your bass like a pack mule, how cruel!" 

"What – no! Yukina insisted. But listen, thank you so much for agreeing – " 

"Nonono, I'm getting to play on the same stage as my sister, I should be thanking you, exceptional magpie Lisa-chi!" 

"And you're exceptionally incomprehensible just now… but Hina, listen to me." 

It had been 'give Imai-san's design a chance' instead of 'give Hina a chance'. While by all accounts the twins' relationship had improved, and Lisa was most likely overthinking it, she still couldn't let it slip by. 

"Listen, Hina, it's true that you'll play with Sayo – and you'll both play with other people. And this next gig is super important for Roselia. So I'm just saying this as your friend, please don't embarrass Sayo in front of all these people?" 

Hina stared at her, then suddenly grinned. "Ahaha, Chisato-chan said almost the same thing, except she said I shouldn't put _you_ to shame. Is there some sort of a bassist's quintessence?" 

"…No, but I'm starting to feel ashamed anyway…" _These twins!_ First it was the elder with her overvaluation of Lisa's, er, design, then the younger with … whatever idea of Roselia, especially Lisa, she'd put into Shirasagi Chisato's head. 

Still laughing, Hina assured her she would be serious, deadly serious, 100% gothic rock, no embarrassing anyone in front of Yukina-chan. 

— 

_Gothic rock, huh._ Would Yukina have called Roselia that? She'd always disliked labeling, saying only that Roselia had (to have) a unique sound. Being musically-challenged beyond the basic ability to follow a melody and rhythm, Lisa never really thought about it. Would Roselia's sound encompass something like, say, Sayo and Hina playing back to back? Right now, Lisa watched from her seat in the corner, safely out of the way. The twins made for a wonderful asymmetrical symmetry. Red and blue, night and day, set against the backdrop of nigh-identical faces bound to be even more identical with matching costumes. Certainly it looked aesthetically pleasing… 

But Roselia was from the beginning concerned almost exclusively with the music. Lisa sat back and tuned her ears. With preparations finally completed, the band began practicing. Chewing slowly and seeing if Hina was worth swallowing, rather. 

The previous day, Hina's attempt at the bass had been a baby's first crawl. She had been learning the fretting then, and the novel concept of being in charge of the rhythm. For today's first session she was a toddler waddling, a mischievous one who intentionally bumped into things to feel them. As the first song ended Lisa braced herself for an intervention, but Yukina's critique was more or less clinical, and Hina took it with unprecedented meekness. 

So then, by the third song Hina was running. The handicap was taken off, the band now ran at full speed. Though she stumbled here and there, Hina could clearly keep up, sounding markedly better with each correction, with each attempt. 

More than the usual sympathy, Lisa learned to empathise with Sayo, just a bit. 

It wasn't just Hina who received corrections, however. Ako, Rinko, even Yukina and Sayo herself, each was starting to make mistakes. Lisa checked her watch. No wonder, almost an hour had passed. She opened her mouth – 

"Let's take a break, Minato-san," Sayo said. She had her back to Lisa, but Yukina noticed. 

"Yes?" 

"N-nothing! Good job, everyone?" 

Yukina shook her head. "Not quite. But a break right now will do everyone good. Ako –" 

"I know, I know, I was uneven. I've been trying." Ako pouted, sucking on her cheeks. Bravely holding back words. Time to intervene? In the end, Ako said, "I'll try better next time?" 

See to it, Yukina said, already turning toward Rinko. But Sayo was still looking at Ako. "What do you have in mind?" 

"Well… I was thinking the sequence was kinda awkward, and if I did this instead, and then Rinrin comes in with the pitchy wave…" 

Meanwhile, Hina had approached Lisa and flopped onto the floor, resting her head on Lisa's chair and earning herself a light head stroke. "What're you up to?" 

"I'm stealing your bassist's quintessence." 

"Ahaha, that again?" 

"Because I have to be Lisa-chi for the next two weeks!" 

"Haaaa, Chisato said that?" 

"Chisato-chan was all bebeebebeep, but that's the gist of it. You should go to the live with her." Hina straightened up, already losing interest. "Onee-chan's a lot kinder than you usually told me." 

"Hey now, it's not like I only gave you the worst hits. Besides, give her some credit, she's changed lately." Everyone's comments the previous night came to mind. "Or rather, Sayo's just that kind of a dependable person." Hina looked up at her questioningly. "Rising up to the occasion, especially during crisis?" 

"What are you two doing, gossiping about someone within earshot?" 

Sayo's scowl was more or less undone by the furious flush on her neck. Lisa grinned apologetically. "Sorry, sorry~ But I didn't say anything I haven't said to your face, yeah?" 

"You're incorrigible," Sayo muttered. Then, "Hina, practice will start in five minutes." 

OK! Hina bounced, already hailing Ako from a distance. Sayo herself lingered, glancing at Lisa furtively. It made her spine tingle a bit. "Hey, if it's about earlier – " 

Sayo shook her head, crossed her arms, looked at Lisa's ear rather than her face. "It's not that. I…'ll go back to practice." 

Lisa sent her off with a wave. Not that, but definitely Hina-related. But to the extent it wouldn't interfere with practice, she'd hold it in. Or rather, because it _would_ interfere with practice, it had to remain unsaid. Sayo was that kind of a person, too. 

Lisa turned to the open notebook on her lap. It had been Yukina's suggestion, after Lisa had insisted on coming along to practice, but so far she hadn't written anything. Lisa's observation tended to have nothing to do with music, after all, and the few that did Sayo and Yukina, and on one occasion Rinko, had pointed out. Today's practice, despite the disruption, unfolded without any problem. By no means they were flawless, but each member had improved, had changed, had progressed when she wasn't looking. 

Even Lisa, who had somehow found a way to become worse at her instrument. 

— 

Hina's imitation of Lisa lasted until the next day. On Sunday afternoon, still ten days from the SMS, having run through the setlist at least once, Hina then proceeded to cartwheel around the band. It was only figurative only because Hina hadn't found a way to do it without breaking Lisa's loaned bass, or so Lisa thought. 

For the third time since practice was resumed after a lengthy break – the tenth time for the day total – Yukina halted with an impatient wave of her hand. Come to think of it, it was always Yukina and never Sayo. It was starting to wear on Yukina, judging by the strain around her eyes. Lisa recognised the look in Hina's eyes too, the one she usually had before goading Kaoru into the distracting _manzai_ skit of the day. 

Yet again, someone interfered before she did. Rinko, this time. "Um, it's counterpoint…" Yukina broke off, tilting her head in Rinko's direction. "Um… a separate melody that's… supposed to still be harmonious…" 

"Oh, so that's what it's called! I just thought I'd try doing what you're doing, Rinko-chan. Except way down, you know?" 

Yukina said, "Regardless, as I have told you, please do not improvise at this time." 

"I could do it exactly the way you wrote it, but it's just not boppin'. The baseline is so boring to play, and it's gotta be boring to listen to, too. The same basic bambambam in all the songs. Don't you think so, Lisa-chi? Didn't it sound more exciting just now? How do you not fall asleep playing the bass?" 

Shot point blank like that, Lisa opened and closed like a goldfish. "That's enough, Hina," said Sayo firmly. She set her guitar on its stand. "Minato-san, a word, please." 

Yukina seemed mullish, and more or less had to be dragged bodily outside. Silence reigned for a short while, then Hina said, "Ah, no-go? What did I say wrong? Lisa-chi?" 

"You see," Lisa said, finally finding her voice, "the bass part was written for me. I have to be able to play it. If anything, blame my poor skills." 

Both Ako and Rinko tried to defend her, but Hina just crossed her arms over her guitar's neck and tilted her head. "That makes sense… if it's Chisato-chan. Somehow I thought Roselia would be different, though." 

"What're you trying to say?" said Yukina as Sayo closed the door behind them. Whatever peace their discussion had grown seemed to have evaporated under Hina's grin. 

"Hina," Sayo warned, her gaze darting meaningfully to Lisa. Gently, Hina, there's an invalid present. 

_Et tu, Sayo?_ Apparently that was the last straw. "Yeah, Hina, please explain. Don't hold back on us." Lisa glared at Sayo straight on. Sayo… blinked first, owlish. 

The other Hikawa snickered. "I didn't have anything to say, but now I do! Yukina-chan, you gotta stop underestimating Lisa-chi. Otherwise you might as well employ a bass synthesizer for the part." 

Yukina bristled, drawing into herself like a cat readying for a fight. Lisa swore inwardly. "H-hey, Hina, you went too far – " 

"Not far enough," Yukina grumbled, crossing her arms. "Practice is over. Everyone except Hina can go home." 

"Oi, Yukina – " 

"Sorry, Lisa, could you go with Sayo?" 

As they talked, Hina had already leapt to Rinko's side, ostensibly helping her with cleaning up the keyboard and the other equipments while firing questions like a machine gun. Lisa started in their direction, but a tap on her shoulder stopped her. 

"Come, Imai-san," Sayo murmured, breath tickling her ear, "it'll be better without us around." 

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Lisa whispered, "Will it really be okay? It sounded like a couple of territorial cats in there." 

Sayo coughed, covering her smile with one hand. The other lightly touched Lisa's elbow, beckoning her. "At any rate, I told Minato-san Hina had many ideas she would find stimulating. Likewise, Hina is too invested in this upcoming live to jeopardise it. With that common ground, and their respective focal points now removed, it should be possible to reach an understanding. There's no need to worry, it's all proceeding according to your design." 

There's that tingling sensation again, now spreading to her head. "H-hey, cut it out. You're making me sound like a mastermind. And anyway, most of that was your doing, so that makes you my right-hand woman." 

Sayo made a noise somewhere between choking and growling. Rather than a lackey… Lisa's fingers itched to yank on an invisible leash. _Down, girl._ It seemed like belligerence was contagious, eh… 

As a concession, Sayo agreed to wait with Lisa at the cafe outside the live house. Lisa sat under one of the umbrella-ed tables. At the tail end of spring, a clear blue sky awaited. The wind that tickled the nape of her neck was still chilly. Had it really been nearly a year since the band was formed? Memories of their 'chaotic beginnings' (Yukina had always had a way with words) resurfaced. It had been night rather than day, tinged with a different sort of worry and weariness. Lisa remembered less the chaos than the atmosphere of despair she'd come back to. 

Well, there was none of that in these last couple of days, and Lisa hadn't needed to lift a single finger… hadn't been needed, period. 

_Ahaha, there I go like an old granny…_

"Plain tea for you." 

Lisa jolted back to reality. Sayo set down two cups, tea for Lisa, and black coffee for herself, and refused to accept her coins for it, saying rather that it'd be Lisa's turn to pay next time. What's this, Lisa thought, something that'd have been impossible as late as a few months ago. 

She also noticed the odd look Sayo gave her. "What's up, wanna try? It's just tea, though." 

"N-no, thank you. I was just thinking that unsweetened sencha suits you as much as it doesn't." 

Lately, this sort of semblance to Hina started to come out more often, too. "What does that mean… because I'm unexpectedly a Japanese person underneath, but I also like making sweets? Well, I just feel like it this time. But also the sweets I make are for other people's consumption, therefore they're tailored to their preferences. That sounds a little pompous, doesn't it." 

"Not at all. It's perfectly true to your character, and speaks well of it." 

Lisa took a long sip of her tea, to chase the tingling sensation down her spine. Except that was apparently just the opening salvo. "Truthfully, I didn't think I was quite ready to play next to Hina. But since both you and Minato-san thought it might have been good for the band, I'm willing to put all my effort into it." 

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but you usually put up more resistance to my opinions on band matters." 

Sayo coughed into her hand. "That's not strictly true. And in this case, I cannot trample on such a sacrifice." She broke off suddenly, looking as though she'd bitten her tongue. 

"Whoa, hyperbole much? Hina is only going to replace me for one live show. Although we still need to put up a show at CiRCLE for this month's rent. And then there's the World FES…" 

Ah, it seemed it was Lisa's turn to say too much. But Sayo must have thought of it as well, and by her nature, since the beginning. Regardless of what would happen at SMS, Roselia couldn't afford to wait for Lisa to heal, and then to regain her paltry skills. Outside of music, the other members had managed well enough, had bonded to the point they no longer needed a mood maker. All that they needed was the bassist. Suppose there was someone else skilled enough to propel Roselia to greater heights, as Hina had in a short time… Lisa felt her chest constrict, and almost missed Sayo's next words. 

"… anything for Minato-san." 

"Huh?" 

"No, forget about it." Sayo sighed, drank her coffee as a means for stalling for time. Then, seemingly coming to a decision, she rummaged in her bag. 

"This is for you." 

It was a small pouch tied with a somewhat gaudy ribbon. Sayo started to extend it to her, then thought better of it, and pulled the ribbon for her. Inside were cookies. Lisa blinked as Sayo explained, not quite meeting her eyes, "I meant to give it to you sooner, but I kept having difficulties in baking. In the end I had to ask Hazawa-san for assistance." 

A handmade get-well-soon gift, from Sayo? Lisa couldn't help the slight awe in her voice. "O-oh. May I…?" Lisa took a bite. It didn't taste the same as the cookies they'd made together in the past. A bit too sweet, not quite crispy enough – Sayo's image of Lisa, in lieu of directly asking her what she liked. It was… definitely too sweet. Her eyes prickled just a bit. 

_Ah, there you go again, old granny. Sayo's going to misunderstand._ To an outsider, it'd look like Sayo was finding faults with the cafe table, but Lisa knew better. "Don't look so down, it's not terrible." 

"But not good either," Sayo said, lips twisted wryly. 

"Ahaha, I didn't mean that. No, I liked it! Thank you, Sayo. I'm going to cherish this for the rest of my life." Lisa laughed; she was the only one. 

"There's one more thing," Sayo said quickly. "If it's not too much trouble for you, I'd like to bake another batch before the next practice." 

Together? Lisa hesitated. True, they had been making sweets together for some time now, but Sayo had always asked her to keep it a secret. And with her recent success, she didn't need Lisa hovering behind her shoulder anymore. "How unusual! With the SMS coming up, I'd have thought you'd rather use all your free time for practice." 

"That's exactly why we need to do this, don't you think? The band could use a boost to our morale. Of course you needn't exert yourself in your condition, but as always I still require your guidance." 

Liar, Lisa thought fondly. A truly bold lie at that, with the proof in Lisa's hands. "Really? You did so well the last time. Even with this one, I'm sure you must have written down Tsugumi's advice and studied what you did wrong. Have more confidence in yourself, Sayo!" 

"It won't be the same," Sayo said doggedly, hands grasping, clawing at the table rather than Lisa's hand. This was… probably no longer about making cookies. There was something feverish in her stare, almost desperate, and Lisa felt her eyes grew hot again. Slowly, she unclenched the fist she didn't remember making. Letting go. 

"But that's not a bad thing, is it – change. You could make something better, something uniquely yours. Be it Roselia, or Roselia's Hikawa Sayo, or just Sayo… I look forward to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is loosely taken from Neo-Aspect's lyrics.


	2. more than lamentations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Roselia's first gig without Lisa approaches, Lisa meets the umbrella knight, and the thesaurus is thrown around. Anything for a song. Are you (still) fully devoted?

_"Hi, Chisato! Hina told me you wanted to see her first performance with Roselia, do you want to go together?"_

The message sent, Lisa swiped back to the list of recent conversations. No one had checked in the Roselia's group chat yet; the single line preview was that of Lisa wishing everyone a good practice, and be careful, it was raining. Her thumb hovered over the screen. All the usual suspects were lined up, except for one who had been bumped off-screen even before the addition of one Shirasagi Chisato. _Someone's sulking, eh…_ But since Sayo never started a conversation unless it was necessary, maybe it was Lisa who was sulking? 

Lisa put her phone away. It was Wednesday, the second to last day of practice before Roselia's big live. Yukina and Hina had left earlier before it had started raining, heads bent together in a civil discussion, cynically Lisa suspected only because she had been in vicinity. Soon after it started raining as though the entire water stores for spring was emptied in a day. A third-year girl charged into the rain, yelling 'Banzai!' You'll catch the cold! – but the words caught in her throat. Anyway, the rain would have swallowed them. Words and shapes and noise, all was consumed by the rain until the whole world was a monochromatic haze. _Ah, is this where Yukina got the inspiration for that song…_

"Ah, how fleeting is this rain of sorrows, this last lament of the dying season! But have no fear, my little kitten, for I am here." 

"Hey, Kaoru." Lisa peered up at Kaoru. She had her guitar case slung on her back, and a golf umbrella brandished as though challenging the rain to a duel. "Or should I say, the umbrella knight?" 

Kaoru flashed her a glittering smile. "I shall be anything you want, my furlough princess." 

Half of the words that came out of Kaoru's mouth generally felt obtuse to Lisa, but the last was moreso than the usual. "Fur – come again?" 

"Forgive me, I saw your usual knights charging ahead without you and made a simple deduction." 

_…Forlorn, then? Wait, who's forlorn here!_ Lisa shook her head. "It's not like that. Yukina and Hina have band practice. I stayed behind to do some student council stuff for the class prez since she's taking over my clean-up duties. Anyway, don't you have a rehearsal to get to?" Lisa gestured at Kaoru's guitar. 

"The time has come to reap the fruits of our rehearsals. Our venue, the children's hospital in the vicinity of the live house. As you can see, by my nature I cannot but escort you." 

Lisa couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, okay, if you insist. Actually, Kaoru, do you mind if I watch you guys?" 

Her erstwhile prince practically sparkled as she opened her umbrella. "It could only be an honor to perform before a member of the redubitable Roselia." 

_…Redoubtable? Yukina would like that, at least._ For the hell of it, Lisa imitated Kaoru's flourish. "Lead the way, o silver-tongued prince." 

— 

Truthfully Lisa hadn't planned to end up back between the white walls of a hospital so soon. It was a different sort of hospital, at least. From the start the entrance hall was painted light blue. Some corners were decorated with cute animal mascots, and cutboard cutouts of the same animal mascots bore reminders and directions. Umbrella carefully tucked into a gigantic plastic bag, Kaoru confidently made her way to the convention hall. 

A stage had been erected and the instruments set up, if Lisa had to guess, by Kokoro's omnipresent black-suited troupe. While waiting for Hello, Happy World to begin their concert, Lisa entertained the children closest to her. One boy in particular seemed to find comfort in someone else whose arm was also bound in cast. The long-term patients, the short-term patients, even those who only stopped by the hospital for a diagnosis, all who could be bothered to watch were packed into the room. Not all were happy faces – in fact most weren't. Lisa did her best with the little group she'd found herself in, but she figured this friendly set was more pliable to begin with. 

…Though if they'd all been happy from the outset, would there have been a need for Hello Happy World? Lisa tucked the thought away as the room suddenly darkened. 

Spotlights bloomed on the stage. Illuminated by the artificial rainbow, Kokoro back-flipped onto the stage seemingly out of nowhere (the other members entered more conventionally). Today they were in their marching band uniform. As Kanon beat a marching rhythm and Misaki flipped on her DJ magic, Lisa clapped (one-handed, on her knees) with the more exuberant children. HaloHapi was chaotic, certainly – there was no way Kaoru and Hagumi's near collision while frantically strumming their respective guitars was choreographed. They made mistakes often enough that even Lisa noticed. Often poor Kanon had to scramble to match Kokoro's haphazard rhythm. But it all came through, somehow. There was method to HaroHapi's madness – there was, more importantly, energy that seeped through her very core, that moved her entire body to dance. 

(Lisa didn't, because her father had threatened – jokingly, she hoped – to not pay for a corrective surgery, but the point stood.) 

At the end, where Kokoro invited everyone to simply smile, Lisa would like to think there were more happy faces than they'd started with. And if there weren't, well, HaroHapi had tried. HaroHapi had remembered these children and tried their damned best to make them smile. 

Ah, Lisa thought, nothing like music to make you sentimental. 

After, the children were returned to their wards. Some of them stayed to play with the band members. In the background, the black suits moved briskly to tidy everything up. In the middle of the chaos Misaki stood motionless even as children pulled at her hands and clothes. Misaki had been moving quite a bit up on the stage – and the costume couldn't have been easy to move in. Lisa approached her. 

"Yo, Mi – " The bear's head jerked. A headshake? Lisa made a diving save. " – Michelle, right?" 

"Y-yeah. You know, the _magical_ talking, DJ-ing pink bear." 

Kaoru swooped in to distract the children surrounding Misaki. Hagumi and Kokoro, and even Kanon, were similarly still engaged with some of their audience. "Ah… keeping the magic alive? That's some dedication, Michelle – and Misaki, too." 

"Mm, well, the children like it better when it's a giant pink bear behind the stand… and it's easier for me to perform like this…" Misaki's, er, paw rested on her neck – also Misaki's real head, Lisa guessed. 

"It's a great performance, too! Was it a new song? It's really electrifying. But that's just what I was saying, you – er, Misaki not only turn Kokoro's ideas into lyrics, but also compose the score as well, in addition to… this other thing." 

"E-eh, it's a mess, though. I'm just yanking from whatever genre Kokoro's hooked on for the week. Definitely nothing like Roselia's…" 

Lisa wagged a finger before the bear's neck. "Non, non. Think of it this way, doesn't it require more creativity to work with many different styles? That's pretty amazing, Mi–chelle. Not only that, can you imagine Roselia playing in front of children like this?" 

The bear's head jerked violently, as though the person inside was shaking her head in an effort to throw it off. She was saved from replying by Kokoro suddenly popping up between them. "Lisa! You didn't say hi!" 

"Now I do! Hiya, Kokoro," Lisa said, holding out her hand for Kokoro to shake vigorously. "Energetic as always." 

Kokoro tilted her head. "Of course! It's just you who isn't. What's wrong, is your arm broken beyond repair?" 

"Oi, Kokoro, that's a bit too blunt. Sorry, Lisa-san," said Misaki, but Lisa waved it off, grinning. There was something comforting in the way Kokoro cut into the heart of things. 

"Sorry to disappoint you, but it's really just a normal break, recovering at a normal pace. That said, if Michelle the magical bear over there knows a magic that could speed up the process – " 

"Not you too, Lisa-san!" Misaki said, sounding genuinely upset. Uh-oh, Lisa must have stepped on a still-healing abrasion. Better back-pedal. 

"Ahahaha, just kidding. Getting caught up in your band's wavelength, kinda." 

Kokoro said, "Is that a bad thing?" 

"Yes, it is! A-anyway, Lisa-san, uh, you were saying…" 

Poor Misaki, desperate to change the subject yet at a loss for a safe one. Lisa gently steered her around, metaphorically speaking. "I wanted to know how you composed your songs. Last time it was the lyrics, but this time I'm interested in the music part." 

"We all make suggestions and then Misaki put them together," Kokoro said. "She's a whiz! Too bad she's never around to listen to them live." 

"Aw, but I'm sure she's here with you in spirit, if not in body." 

"Misaki can lend you her books if you're interested," said Misaki herself. "Well, they're really Kokoro's books, but – " 

"Lisa, you're in a band, too?" 

A little dumbfounded at being asked now of all times, Lisa nodded. "I'm the bassist for Roselia… was. As you can see, there's not much bass to be played one-handed." 

"Why not?" Kokoro asked earnestly. "It's making you unhappy." 

"Not really, it's just, hm, it's become a habit at this point, and a change in habits is always hard, at least at first. But there are still things I can do, like… do you remember when I asked you about writing lyrics?" 

"I do! And I heard you talking with Michelle. A way to compose songs – " One of the black suits appeared suddenly, whispering in Kokoro's ear. "That'll do. Send them over to Lisa's house." 

Alarmed, Lisa said, "Wait, there's no need for, uh, that. I don't want to be a bother." 

"You don't know where Lisa-san lives," Misaki interjected. 

The look Kokoro gave the expresionless black suit was still ringing alarm bells in Lisa. 

"Perhaps I could be of assistance?" Kaoru said. 

One way or another, Lisa ended up walking home with Kaoru, her arms full with a box the black suits had whipped up in an instant. 

"I'm really sorry, Kaoru," Lisa said for the third time. This time Kaoru merely smiled down at her. Lisa felt even more guilty. And maybe a bit peeved at Kaoru taking her prince thing too far, when it was the thing that had indirectly caused Lisa's accident in the first place. _Oh, that's it!_ "You know it's not your fault I broke my arm, yeah?" 

Kaoru's smile turned more sheepish than gallant, the tension in her neck eased. "Not guilt, this, but chivalry for thee, my princess. Like Kokoro and Michelle, I, too, wish to see you happy. But I understand that happiness is fleeting, and sorrows needs must visit erstwhile." 

"Uh, I'm not exactly sorrowful right now. I'm not unhappy, either. I'm just… recovering." But saying that, Lisa wondered how mired in self-pity she'd been if casual acquaintances like Misaki and Kokoro could tell. "Well, it's not like I'm ungrateful to you guys…" 

Kaoru, though, there was no getting through to Kaoru when she was in full thespian mode. "In that case, why not channel this ephemeral feeling of yours into a song?" 

"For Hello, Happy World?" Lisa said skeptically. "No offense, Kaoru, but our bands have very different styles. Like, worlds apart." 

Kaoru said, "Kokoro might take that as a challenge. But Lisa, I should have thought you'd want to write for Roselia first." 

"O-of course, but we were talking about my debt to Kokoro?" 

Kaoru followed Lisa into her house, up to her room, and even helped unpack the contents of Kokoro's lucky box. As promised it had books on music theory, and a MIDI keyboard ("It is… but that," said Kaoru when Lisa asked. She should've consulted the black suits' handwritten manual from the start). She left soon after that with Lisa's profuse thanks. Secretly Lisa was grateful for that, too; riding on the HaroHapi wavelength turned up some strange vibes. For example, the one where Lisa was prioritising other bands over her own – 

She then remembered to check Roselia's group chat, swearing to herself. By this point, everyone had checked in and wondered why Lisa didn't show up at practice. Right below it, the profile-less, newly bolded message from one Hikawa Sayo. 

Lisa answered the group chat first, _Sorry, I couldn't come at all! I'll make it up to you guys later. How was practice?_ Then in direct message, Yukina, announcing that she'd be out with her parents for the evening and she'd talk to Lisa tomorrow. Lisa sent an OK sticker and _Food selfie!_. She'd get a picture of the food only; Yukina only owned a mobile phone with the LINE app installed in it because her parents had forced it on her. 

And then the last but not the least, quite possibly the most troublesome. Sayo's private message was terse. Being Yukina's soulmate, she also preferred face to face interactions, and Lisa couldn't fault her – without her already sparse body language and tonal cues, Sayo tended to come across as more severe. So, _Is everything all right?_ sounded utterly displeased in Lisa's mind. Or maybe it was her guilt talking. 

Lisa hit the call button. After a while, the line was picked up. "Hey, is this a bad time?" 

_"No. I've just arrived home. Why?"_ Sayo said, tense. 

"Nothing! It's just easier to talk than type one-handed. Uh, listen, I'm sorry about missing practice. How was it? How are things with Hina?" 

_"There was no issue,"_ Sayo said dismissively. 

"Ah, okay, okay. Um, Marina-san, then, did she talk to either of you?" 

_"That shouldn't be a concern for now."_

That was a little too carefully worded, especially for Sayo. Maybe Lisa was worrying for no reasons, but money usually made things tricky. But, all right, she could believe it was to be an issue for after the SMS. No problem. 

_"There is one issue, however. Minato-san asked if I knew where you went."_

"Ehehe, it was a spur of the moment thing. I forgot to bring and umbrella, and then an opportunity presented itself. Or should I say, a knight in checkered skirt. Anyway, I watched Hello, Happy World perform at the children's hospital – you know, for research, inspiration. I'll tell you about it later if you're interested." 

_"I see."_

Do you really, Lisa thought. Sending a worried message just before practice began, hanging around for Lisa's rambling. Lightly, she said, "Sayo, there's only so much telepathy I can do over the phone. You haven't hung up so clearly there's something else. Out with it!" 

_"That… was exactly what I wanted to say. But I wondered if you would answer me honestly. It's not like you to miss practice on a whim, and without notifying Minato-san in advance."_ Sayo's voice softened. _"Of course, if you'd rather not talk to me – "_

"I just thought I'd be a bother if I came to the studio." 

The answer was immediate. _"You would never be. On the contrary, yours is a necessary existence in Roselia. Your presence alone uplifts the spirit of the band."_

Lisa had to move her phone away from her burning ear for a bit. Unexpectedly, she also felt herself frowning. "That's nice, but… listen, I want to be more than the mood battery. Roselia shouldn't have to settle with my abysmal skills just because there's no one else. I thought you of all people would understand that." 

_"Imai-san,"_ Sayo began to say – whine, rather. 

"Sayo," Lisa said in a low voice. "Answer this one thing. Can you describe my sound?" Her silence was all the answer Lisa needed. "Nothing to say, right? Nothing worth talking about. You're always upright when it comes to music. So I'm sure you understand – " 

_"I understand that right now you're being difficult, vexing, unreasonable, and above all, mendacious."_

Lisa inhaled sharply. There it was, Yukina's loyal wolfhound rearing her head at last. Except this time, even if half of her accusation was true, Lisa felt like biting back. "Mendacious, really? Is that how it is? Do I have to break out the thesaurus to get it through your thick skull? I've always been honest if you'd ever cared to listen!" 

_"Then stop trying to manipulate me into becoming your villain!"_

The words felt like a blow to her guts. It wasn't the first time she'd heard, or thought of it, how easy it was to use words to steer people. Lisa didn't think she was doing it to Sayo, let alone maliciously. But still, this was Sayo, and the conviction with which she'd accused Lisa hurt. 

"But here you are, asking to be _manipulated_. Doesn't that make you an idiot? Worry about your precious band instead!" 

The line crackled with Sayo's gnashing teeth. 

_"Onee-chan, are you fighting with Lisa-chi?"_ Hina said, loud enough that Lisa could imagine her popping her head next to her sister's. Then Sayo was yelling at her instead, and Lisa figured it was a good time to end the call. 

Lisa threw her phone onto her bed. Her body she set down more carefully so as not to disturb the cast. The quiet in her room left her ears ringing. "Ahhhh, what the hell was that!" It wasn't clear to her whom she was berating, exactly. 

Lisa sighed loudly. She reluctantly got up and lowered herself to the floor, yanking a handful of facial tissues on the low table at the foot of the bed. A little more dry-eyed, she sought her phone. Her thumb hovered over the screen for a long time. Then finally, _I'm sorry._

Three little dots appeared, bouncing for a long time, and for all their trouble, the reply was an equally curt, _No, it's my fault. I'm sorry, too._

Hurling insults for no reason, apologising for unspecified wrongs – unsurprisingly the remaining emotions were inexplicable. A black, shrieking mass sitting at the bottom of her heart – 

– _Eh, didn't that sound like a Roselia song just now?_

Her gaze fell to Kokoro's gift, Kaoru's words coming back as though from a faraway day. As far as feelings went, rather than ephemeral hers was banal, even degenerate by Roselia's standard. But what the hell, she had nothing else to do. 

Lisa dragged herself back to her desk, took out a pen and a blank paper. I'll show you honest, she thought, and began writing. Even if it wasn't up to Roselia's standard, surely in her current mood she could at least measure up to one of Yukina's old flames. 

— 

Roselia's goal was not, per se, fame itself. If pressed to say, Lisa would opine that Yukina made a distinct effort to emphasise that aspect, if unconsciously. Fame tarnished music, after all. But all the same, in the music world fame was to an extent inextricable from success, and success was sometimes a good indicator of quality. Fame was not unwelcome. 

Which was a long way to say that even Yukina and Sayo had a noticeable gleam in their eyes when they discovered a small corner in a music magazine reviewing up-and-coming young bands. Roselia had attracted the right attention at last. It was short, but the author found much to like about them, once the veneer of one who had seen it all had been taken off. Yukina's powerful voice, if still a little unrefined; Sayo's masterful guitar, if a little robotic (and also unrefined); Ako's (unrefined, of course) ebullient drumming; Rinko's sharp and space-filling keyboard ( _too_ refined). 

There was no mention of the bass. Well, Lisa had said brightly after Ako had noted the absence – after Yukina, Sayo, and Rinko had carefully avoided meeting Lisa's eyes. Well, that's just the way it is for bass. No one notices if you nail the part, but everyone knows when you mess up. So for once nothing is better than something, yeah? 

Then Sayo steered the conversation into the other interesting article she'd found in the issue and turned the pages. In this way, Ako couldn't notice that Roselia's section was barely fitting its corner. So it was the lack of space that had spared Lisa. But ah, she thought wryly, it wasn't as though she needed an outsider's opinion to confirm what she'd always known. 

Yukina and Sayo had always known it, too. Roselia's goal was, nebulous though it might be, their own sound; if push came to shove, professional reviewers' opinions needed not apply. So Lisa had no sound. But at least with desperate, frantic effort she could manage a harmonic nothing. 

— 

"Sayo thought you might have found it difficult to watch Hina," Yukina said the next morning. As was becoming common since her accident, Yukina was already waiting in front of her house to walk to school together. She'd stopped trying to carry Lisa's bag for her, at least. Yukina had calmly accepted Lisa's apology ("You did nothing wrong.") but apparently still had something to say on the matter, after all. 

"Is that accurate? Does Hina make you… feel inferior?" 

Even Yukina was capable of being wishy-washy sometimes. "Um, well, Hina plays better in a shorter time, that's just the way things are… I sort of understand the old Sayo just a little bit? But it's not a big deal as long as Hina gets on with the rest of the band. Does she?" Lisa had dredged the details from the rest of the band – Ako, Rinko, and Hina had all been happy to volunteer their report. 

"There was no issue during yesterday's rehearsal." Yukina looked at her curiously, choosing her words. "But you and Sayo seem to be getting along well lately." 

Lisa recalled Yukina-and-Sayo's declaration that the band was not a place for friendship. They had both grown since then, one more obvious than the other, but Yukina taking an interest in Lisa's other relationships was still strange. Yukina consulting Sayo about Lisa was even stranger. But thinking about Sayo and their quarrel (what was it even about?) gave her a headache. One thing she knew for sure, Yukina didn't need to worry about it. Impishly, Lisa said, "What's wrong, jealous I'm stealing your soulmate?" 

Yukina glowered, unimpressed. "Jokes aside, I don't mind as long as it doesn't affect the band negatively. So far it seems to be doing the opposite. It's just…" she trailed off. 

"It's just… a tad ominous there, Yukina." 

She shook her head. "Never mind, it's between me and Sayo." 

"Aw, come on, you can't just implicate me and leave it at that!" Nevertheless, Lisa switched the subject to the next rehearsal. The last one before the SMS, it was scheduled for the next day, exactly at the same time Lisa was to have a follow-up appointment with her surgeon. Hearing this, Yukina merely nodded. Of course Lisa's health is the priority; don't worry; we'll be fine. The same things she had been hearing from the others, but somehow more reassuring because it was Yukina who'd said it. 

"Say, Yukina…" Lisa said while waiting for a red light. "I've been wondering about this even before Hina, but do I have a sound… with the bass, I mean?" 

Yukina turned to her, searching for something in Lisa's face. Whether she'd found anything, her answer was careful. "Your bass calms me when I sing. I can feel you at my back, supporting me, keeping me grounded. To borrow Sayo's words, you're Roselia's bassist. That's enough for me." 

"T-thank you," Lisa stuttered. It wasn't often that Yukina praised her without qualifications. She felt warm with embarrassment, and glee. And as those feelings died, a small ember remained, churning uncomfortably for the rest of the day, and well into the night. It wouldn't go away until she added and revised a few lines of the lyrics she'd vomitted out the previous day. Against all odds, she now had a completed song in her hand. 

Light-headed, Lisa stored the paper under her TV. Out of sight, out of mind. A dyspeptic song like that, who could stomach it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is loosely taken from Black Shout. HHW's image in this story is more or less an agglomeration of their cover songs and original songs, but probably more the former than the latter. As always, I appreciate any and all comments!


	3. Instead of solitude, a growing attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Live at the Sweet Music Shower, it's Roselia!
> 
> (How) Are you fully devoted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the previous chapters a bit, mostly tiny details for the first chapter, and swapping the flashback vignettes for the second and third. On another note, we're finally hitting the middle point.

_Hi, Lisa-chan. Sorry for the late reply; I've been busy. But I'd love to watch Roselia's performance with you._

Chisato's first reply came in almost a full twenty-four hours after Lisa's initial invitation. It had a beginning, a body – the time of their meeting, the place, and a plan of action, visiting Roselia at the backstage – and an ending. Amused, Lisa almost replied with a number of things, jokes that were sure to go over like a lead balloon with Aya and Hina's strict Chisato-chan. Lisa and Chisato weren't total strangers, but neither had they talked much. 

With the evening thoroughly planned for, the afternoon of the show found Lisa at CiRCLE. In Lisa's planner, Saturday morning was permanently blocked for Roselia. Until recently, anyway. It was strange to be here without them, with the early summer sun and breeze beating on her unprotected back. Hina had taken possession of Lisa's bass for two weeks now. They were both in good hands, she thought, her old friend, and her band. Lisa had other things she could do. Just one more thing. 

Entering through the automatic doors, she immediately spotted the person she was looking for. Marina was manning the front desk, and perked up on seeing her. 

"Lisa-chan! Getting ready for the SMS?" Marina said brightly, scanning the logbook before her. "Although I don't see Roselia here…" 

"Ah, no, we didn't book a room for today. But how did you know, Marina-san?" 

"I may not look like it, but I do have my connections!" Marina laughed. "But really, getting invited to be the opening act for the SMS is no small thing. Looks like Roselia's finally making it, I'm so happy for you." 

"Thank you, Marina-san. Actually, speaking of lives," Lisa said. "Here at CiRCLE, I mean." 

"Oh, yes, Sayo-chan talked to me about it yesterday." So Sayo _had_ talked to Marina, that lying minx; and now Lisa got to look like an inattentive bandmate at best, a conspiratorial one at worst. Or she would, if Marina wasn't flipping through her logbook as she spoke. "There's still a slot for the fifth Friday of next month, if you guys changed your mind." 

So… no shows for two months, which meant one, maybe by CiRCLE's generosity two months of unpaid studio use. Lisa wondered what Yukina thought of that. Yukina believed money should be neither a hindrance nor motivation to making music. In practice it meant Roselia's book keeping went to Sayo, and wrangling deals to Lisa. One live show per month for the next month's unlimited studio use was one such deal. Though no doubt it could've been better – the cut from the profits was pittance, all things considered – it had served them well so far. 

Just to be sure, Lisa gingerly took a stab at getting the next month, floating a promise of additional gigs down the line. Marina gently, but firmly turned her down. 

"I'm really sorry, Lisa-chan, but I don't own this place, or I'd give it to you. But that's to say, my boss isn't a cruel person either, so if you'd like I can try talking to her?" 

Lisa rather thought if Marina had owned the place she'd still have given the same answer. It was just a sensible decision that she couldn't begrudge any businessowner for making. "Thanks, Marina-san, but that won't be necessary for now. If worse comes to worst we'd just pony up like everyone else, yeah?" 

And like everyone else, Yukina would have to deal with a more rationed practice schedule, and the inextricable tie between money and music in the real world. The thought almost made her smile. Fortunately for Yukina, Sayo would do anything for Roselia. 

— 

The evening found Lisa in front of a larger live house, almost three times the size of CiRCLE. The audience would be at least in the hundreds – whatever the turnout, far greater than Roselia had ever had. The Sweet Music Shower (Lisa preferred SMS) was an event not less prestigious than the Future World Fes that Roselia aimed at. More prestigious still was the fact that the event organiser had directly invited them as the opening act. Even Yukina at her strictest would be hard pressed to deny it was a milestone for Roselia. 

Lisa stood basking in the red orange sun, squinting at the LCD of her phone. All of Roselia plus Hina had checked in. By this time they should have dressed up already, and finished with the stage checks. After all this time they _should_ have no problem with hair and make-up and other things that only ever cropped up at the last minute. And indeed no one had called for Lisa. _That's a good thing, right?_

Almost on the dot of their time of appointment, a taxi stopped by, and out came Chisato. Lisa's vision was filled with yellow. Bright yellow, the colour that could turn into either red or green without warning. Yellow, the colour of sunflower and summer. Chisato smiled like she meant it, like they were old friends, and so for the moment Lisa banished her odious thoughts. 

"Thank you for the invitation," said Chisato as they walked, "I must say, it was a bit unexpected." 

"I thought it might've been weird since we rarely talked and you must've been busy. But I also wanted to thank you for helping Hina getting the permission from your agency." Hina had only mentioned the last part in passing, but Lisa had a hunch most of it was Chisato's machinations. 

"You're welcome. I'm happy that Hina seems to be having the time of her life. And it's all thanks to you, Lisa-chan." 

"Ahaha, and here I thought we were taking her away from PasuPare…" 

Chisato seemed amused. "Everyone has their own engagements from time to time. Right now, Hina's is to not disappoint Lisa-chi." 

That didn't seem right to Lisa, but they had arrived at the backstage's entrance. A tired-looking staff member stopped them. Without looking up from his clipboard, he said, "This area is closed off to the general audience." 

"We're with Roselia… sort of… anyway, please check your list – " 

"Excuse me, but they are with us." 

The staff didn't bother to hide his dubious glance, from Sayo in her well-tailored costume to Lisa and Chisato in their casual wear. They're auxiliary members, Sayo explained tersely. Somehow they were waved through. 

"Patrolling even now, Sayo-chan?" Chisato said with a small, mischievous smile. "Or did you somehow hear Lisa-chan was coming?" 

"Certainly it had nothing to do with you," Sayo muttered. Her eyes darted to Lisa at the mention of her name, then quickly back to Chisato. Was she also still thinking about their last quarrel? 

"Either way, thanks, Sayo. Hey, if we aren't interrupting your preparations…" 

"Not at all," Sayo said immediately. "I was just taking a walk to clear my head. The others would be happy to see you. Even you, Shirasagi-san." 

"Now, what does that mean?" said Chisato as she followed Sayo. Down the hall was the dressing area, packed with various band personalities, some of their age, many older. Sayo stepped aside, allowing Chisato to proceed first, and caught Lisa's right hand. 

"If I may borrow your time," Sayo said, her fingers cold and hard around Lisa's. 

She smiled weakly. "Do I have a choice? … that was a joke," Lisa added quickly as Sayo's scowl deepened. 

Still chained in that manner, Lisa was led down the hallway once more, taking a turn toward the emergency exit. This was as much privacy as they could get, Lisa supposed. Outside, the growing audience buzzed nearly as loudly as the fluorescent lamps above. 

"Is it Hina?" 

"Must it always be Hina?" 

"Haha, sorry, but like, you have that Hina got my cookies face… and this walking away from everyone before the show…" 

Sayo let go of her hand, absently passing her palm over her face as if to knead it into something more amiable. "Hina is… not a problem," she said slowly, lips relaxing into a bitter smile. "It seems I won't be rid of my petty envy any time soon, but I am learning to bear with it. Hina and I have made a promise – and more than that, neither of us want to disappoint you." 

"Ahaha, a meddlesome bogeyman, that's me. But give yourself more credit. You do enjoy playing with Hina, don't you? It's okay to admit that to yourself." 

Arms crossed, Sayo said, "Doesn't that make you a hypocrite? Even now you've still not been completely honest." 

Lisa felt her smile sharpen. So their quarrel was forgiven, but not forgotten, on both sides. "What… this again? Should I get a dictionary first?" 

"That sarcasm tells me I've hit the mark." 

Glaring straight ahead, she was met with a familiar view. From the side, at rehearsals, at various points during lives, during particularly tricky riffs. As the recipient, the other day at the cafe outside CiRCLE. Sayo's single-minded determination, sharp as broken glass, aimed solely at her. 

_Does now look like a good time, you stubborn idiot!_ Lisa could barely keep the thought in her head, but for the thought that absolutely no one would benefit from restarting their argument. 

She understood now. Just as Yukina interfaced with Hina for Sayo's sake, here Sayo was, handling Yukina's problem. One part of Lisa was delighted her awkward friends managed to devise a solution to an interpersonal problem. The other was frustrated _Lisa_ was on the wrong side of the arrangement. Frustrated with herself for becoming a problem. She thought. A thought for another time. 

As patiently as possible, Lisa said, "Look, here… since you're so confident, why don't you tell me what I'm hiding?" 

Bam, went the door at the end of the hallway. The noise echoed, mingled with arguing voices. A boy came barreling through. A strong stench of smoke wafted from the leather jacket layered over his school uniform. Lisa vaguely recognised it as one of Hanasakigawa's co-ed high school's. Chasing him was a girl in a matching leather jacket, smelling faintly of lemongrass, coming close enough for her words to be heard. 

" – not the time for sneaking a drag, asshole! We're up in thirty minutes!" 

"The hell do you care, it's your last gig!" 

Sayo cleared her throat, saying "Excuse me." He straightened up, opened his mouth again, then glanced at the other girl's irate face, and rolled his eyes instead. 

"See, Maki, you almost made me run into this cute girl. Whatever, I'm going in." 

The girl, Maki, flipped a finger at his hunched, retreating back. Turning to Lisa and Sayo, she became a different person altogether, exuding warmth and friendliness. "Sorry you had to see that. You guys in a band, too?" 

"Y-yeah, we're from Roselia. Sayo here is our guitarist, and I used to play the bass." 

"Hey, same instrument buddy! High five!" Lisa met her halfway, much to Sayo's palpable bemusement. "Although, used to… ah, an accident? Sorry to hear that." 

Lisa waved it off – she was getting better, really, she was. An idea had come to life, as though sparked by the earlier high five. "Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear, but your, uh, bandmate mentioned a last gig?" 

Maki sighed, shaking her head. "Eh, yeah. You met our vocalist – the rest of the guys are more or less like that even at school. I mean, music's gotta be enjoyable and all, but a girl just wants to aim higher, you know?" 

Lisa did know; she was standing right next to one such girl. She nodded sympathetically, glancing sideway. Sayo had a scowl atop a vacant gaze, which probably meant she was struggling to figure out Lisa's interest in the conversation. _Are you paying attention, Sayo?_ "Sure do, our entire band's the same way. So hey, listen, we've got a temp bassist for the night, but the slot's open after that, if you're interested in playing in a girl band?" 

Sayo snapped to attention then, watching wild-eyed as Lisa and Maki traded promises to watch each other's performance, and Lisa wished the latter good luck. 

"Whew, feels like a co-ed typhoon just passed by. Thirty minutes, though?" Lisa snatched Sayo's wrist, craning her neck to look at her watch. "Whoa, even less! Come on, Yukina'll kill me if I don't get you back." 

With a finesse that probably came with handling arrows, Sayo reversed her hand and captured Lisa's in a vice grip. Lisa didn't think she'd seen Sayo this angry since the time she'd thought Yukina had betrayed Roselia. "Does Minato-san know you have been seeking to replace yourself?" 

Yukina again. Her left arm throbbed with pain. Sayo wielded Yukina's name like a whip, and Lisa… bit back. "That's rich, does Yukina know we might not be able to practice at all in the next few months? Or maybe it's just me you keep out of the loop?" 

"Maybe I would talk to you eventually if you'd stop trying to manipulate me!" Voice rising, fingers digging into her wrist painfully. 

Lisa couldn't help wincing; seeing that, Sayo drew back and let her go, apologising meekly. Still, neither moved even as each avoided the other's gaze. The noise was deafening: the fluorescent lights buzzing incessantly, Sayo's repeated accusation, Lisa's own thoughts. The swelling clatter and chatter as the start of the show approached. Twenty minutes to go, and here Sayo was, chasing a dead end. 

The irony of the situation made her laugh, to Sayo's visible confusion. Lisa explained, "Isn't it funny? Usually it was me and Ako getting carried away, and you had to keep us on track. Now it's just a tad bit upside down… I'm sorry I got you distracted." 

Smiling wryly, Sayo said, "You said that, but you kept running away. I don't understand you, Imai-san." 

Ah, she's caught my scent again, Lisa thought. Some of her thoughts must have shown, because Sayo quickly revised her statement. "That is, last time you expressed your wish to be more than an emotional support for Roselia. My own opinions on the matters aside, I am trying to understand. There's just one question that remains." 

Embarrassed as she was, Lisa nodded. 

"Does playing the bass hold no meaning for you outside of Minato-san?" 

A small laughter escaped her. Of all things! Flustered by the non-answer, Sayo said, "I'm sorry, that was impertinent of me. Please forget about it." 

This time it was Lisa's turn to catch her by the arm. "Hoi, not so fast! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you wanted to be misunderstood. It's just, why're you asking what you knew the answer to?" 

Lisa grinned, squeezing Sayo's hand – such slender, pretty fingers, marred with calluses, the proof of Sayo's hard work. "I started learning the first time to play with Yukina, I picked it up again because I wanted to help her achieve her dream. So if there's someone better for the position, I don't see why not…" 

Lisa trailed off, swallowing. Somehow despite having debated the idea with herself to death, her eyes still burned. "I can't just let it stop here, you know? Yukina's just starting to smile again. Ako is growing, and Rinko is speaking up more." 

And Sayo, dense, prickly Sayo, relentlessly hounding her. It wasn't as if Lisa didn't know what she was doing, or appreciate the lengths she'd go to for Roselia, but damn if Sayo wasn't making this more difficult. 

"That's… complicated," was Sayo's helpless reply, with the frown of someone who'd gotten lost by the second sentence. 

"Pfft, don't take my melodrama so seriously, dumbass." 

Sayo's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline, eyes comically wide. "D-dumbass?" 

"A very cute one!" 

"Imai-san…" Sayo began, pitch higher than usual. The rest were drowned by Ako's voice calling her name. Lisa turned her head just as Hina pounced on her from behind. "So this is where you disappeared to! Hey, hey, Lisa-chi, are you two fighting again?" 

It wasn't just Hina and Ako; Chisato, Rinko, and even Yukina were all present. "Again?" parroted Yukina, eagle eyes narrowed at Sayo. 

"Well, one moment Onee-chan was calling Lisa-chi a necessary existence, the next she was yelling – " 

"Hina!" barked Sayo, the tips of her ears red. She cleared her throat loudly, her back taut. "Minato-san, I apologise for forgetting the time. It won't happen again." In Yukina's presence Sayo was a string wound to the frequency of her voice. It would be adorable if Lisa wasn't worried the two would keep resonating past breaking point. And there seemed to be another tension going on here altogether. 

Still, with everyone gathered and by all appearances ready for their performance, Lisa's focus shifted. A once in a lifetime chance to watch Roselia live in person. And this time she'd get to see Yukina's performance as it was meant to be seen, from the audience's floor. 

She told them as much, for good luck. Yukina had an inscrutable expression that she chalked up to pre-show nerves, but she nodded. "Will you be all right? It looked crowded up there." 

Hina answered for her. "Isn't that exactly why Lisa-chi invited Chisato-chan? She'll be fine. Hey, listen, Yukina-chan – " 

"No." 

"You haven't listened!" 

"Hina, stop aggravating Minato-san." And with the two as captive audience, Hina launched into her piece, sooner than later rolling up Ako and Rinko as well. Sideways, Lisa's gaze met with Chisato's, two people left on this side of the metaphorical bamboo blinds, and back again at the scene before them. Alright? 

Lisa carefully unclenched her left hand; tensed throughout the quarrel, the pain was now a dull throb. She splayed the fingers and palm as wide as the pain was bearable. Well, she could cover the fretboard now. And maybe play a song at 5 BPM? 

Alright. 

She nearly jumped out of her skin when someone touched her elbow. "Coming, Lisa-chan? I was beginning to think you'd stood me up for Sayo-chan." Chisato was smiling, but Lisa figured an actress had to smile most of the time in public. Apologising profusely, Lisa followed Chisato. When she looked back one last time, Roselia had already moved on. 

— 

Yukina's first and everlasting love was her father's band. Of that there was no doubt. But in the wake of its death, a succession of similar-sounding bands took its place. Lisa understood none of them, but she'd known of them as much as one could know a person through their obituary. Most of them Lisa only became aware of at the time of their death, at which point Yukina would bare all unsparingly. Money, fame, burn out, money, jealousy, money. She collected them all like the limited-edition card series of the human vices that tainted music. On the back of those cards, the fury of a pure heart betrayed. Under such heat the impure and the weak melted away. 

Lisa didn't remember what exactly made her poke her head into that kiln. It was the summer of their second year in middle school. Yukina was talking without being prompted – which was good – but she was also ranting – which was Lisa's least favorite display of her passion. Lisa had her bass in hand, Yukina nothing but her voice. Overheated and just a little bit bored, Lisa absently plucked the bassline of a catchy song. It was pop, but Lisa had been secretly proud of being able to play it entirely by ear. Incidentally the sales of said pop album had beaten the long-awaited maiden release of Yukina's latest favourite, the sixth one by Lisa's count. Hence, Yukina's rant. Hence, Lisa's self-conscious question. Hey, Yukina, how do I sound? – as though they were at the mall and she was trying out a new cloth. 

"What sound," Yukina replied. "If you have the time to play stupid songs then you have the time to practice." 

No-nonsense, entirely devoid of malice, nothing but the truth. It was also the truth that time was running out on Lisa. Her grades were taking an alarming nosedive; high school application period was coming up. The tennis club might need her for the interprefectural competition; she was finally getting the hang of the dance club's new routine. The truth was, there were other things she could do with her time, things that seemed more fruitful. 

(Things that Yukina left behind or outright refuse to try because they would sully her music.) 

In the end Lisa found it easy to hang her bass. The truth was, she didn't love music, not the way Yukina did. It would only insult Yukina if Lisa had tried to stand by her side – try, because even when she had put her effort into it, Yukina had so easily outpaced her, left her behind. 

So she stopped trying. Underneath it all, Lisa was a fairly practical person. 

— 

Per Chisato's advice, they took to the second floor. A less than premium vantage point, the crowd would be less dense, therefore minimising the chance for a collision. 

"And moreover, I might need to leave early," Chisato said, almost apologetic. 

"Yeah, I might leave early, too, if Yukina wants to go home after her turn." Ordinarily, Yukina would have wanted to enjoy the entire concert – at least, Lisa was fairly sure Yukina still enjoyed listening to other people's music outside of the learning experience. The alternative was too sad to think of. 

"You seem especially close to Yukina-chan out of all the members of Roselia." 

"We've been friends since almost literally as long as I can remember. Yukina's my first and best friend!" The latter was true even during the time they'd stopped talking. Lisa was for a long time Yukina's only friend. And then along came Sayo… 

A staff member turned up on the stage, announcing they were very sorry but there was an unforeseen delay. 

Lisa said, "But speaking of childhood friends, what about Kaoru? 'Kao-chan', right? Kinda hard to imagine Kaoru was ever like that." 

"Isn't it just?" Chisato sighed. "Well, I shouldn't be surprised that you're also friendly with Kaoru. Even Sayo-chan has been defanged as of late." 

"Er, like a venomous snake?" Lisa's imagination worked hard. Sayo slithering, sneaking around. Nah. Hissing and snapping menacingly, though… 

"Tamed, then? Coming from Sayo-chan, 'necessary existence' is a very high praise indeed." 

"A, ahaha, that, that's just exaggerating. You know, musicians. And the bassline does have its place in Roselia's music. But Chisato, you're also a bassist, what do you think? Are we absolutely necessary for a band?" 

Chisato tilted her head, considering Lisa. "In a sense, any band would sound hollow without the bass supporting it from below. On the personal level, is the bassist, or any personnel necessary for the band's continued existence? For professionals – forgive my strong word – that kind of a situation isn't desireable at all. But well, ideals and realities rarely match. And more than that, this is where amateur and professional bands differ, I think." 

"Besides the money side of things?" 

"Oh no, exactly because of it. It wouldn't do if a source of income for many people was suddenly cut off just because one person left, would it? So as much as they could professional bands would carry on even if all the members had been replaced." 

To begin with, music – all arts – was a miserly, discriminatory pursemaster, was Chisato's conclusion, the culmination of nearly a decade of being a cog in the entertainment industry's machineries. Although, Chisato added, "I suppose in place of money a strong direction would do." 

"Hee," Lisa said without concealing her awe. "You're so insightful! No wonder Hina never runs out of Chisato-chan stories." 

"You flatter me, Lisa-chan. Well, it might not always be a tragedy. On some occasions a member leaving can be to the band's gain." 

Immediately, Yukina's father came to mind. Lisa realised she'd never found out the ending to that story, if Uncle Minato's old band ever got their comeuppance. "From the outside doesn't it all end up looking the same? Head, persisting despite a significant loss – tail, pruning unproductive members." 

Roselia weren't after money, but they definitely had a strong direction. If Chisato was right (and Lisa thought she was) they would definitely persist without her; all Lisa needed to do was to explain. Fortunately, she was good at that, talking. 

Chisato nodded, mildly impressed, even if Lisa said so herself. "And of course if we consider the leaving member's perspective, it's often a move to advance their personal career. But I'm afraid we'll have to continue this later." 

The lights dimmed. On cue, the audience's buzz died down as the MC picked up the momentum. Lisa edged forward in her seat, goosebump rising. On the darkened stage, she could make out the outline of the girls at their positions. A short introduction from the MC. The spotlights came on, then the microphone was in Yukina's hands. Showtime. 

For this event, they had decided to turn up in their first costume set, chosen because Hina could fit into Lisa's with few to no adjustments. (Though Rinko had assured her she hadn't minded making adjustments to and back.) Lisa's bass, too, rested in Hina's hands easily, as though she hadn't only been acquainted with it for a week. As Lisa had predicted, she provided an excellent contrast to Sayo. 

Ako and Rinko at the back; the twins in free orbit; and in their midst, the centerpiece of Roselia, Yukina began singing. Lisa sometimes thought Yukina was born to live on the stage. Whatever the stage, however big the audience, when Yukina got on to sing she was alive. Normally serene and unflappable, come performance time she became focused, a single wick of light brighter than anything else on stage. Her voice, her presence filled the entire arena. Lisa couldn't look away – she wondered if anyone could. 

Eventually she noticed that though the song was familiar from a thousand run-throughs, there was something different. At first she was too captivated by Yukina's voice – as she'd thought, it sounded different, more powerful when not filtered through the monitor earpiece. Then it was Hina's movement on stage. As expected of an idol, she knew how to play the crowd, in that Hina way. Finally, Lisa couldn't put off listening to the bassline – because what else? 

Lisa had missed at least two group sessions. In that time, her part had been re-arranged, and everyone else had re-aligned themselves. The bass guitar was not like its lighter counterpart, and there was a rather clear limitations as to what it was supposed to do. Hina, as far as Lisa could tell, was pushing that limit (more than Lisa, at any rate). Hina's bassline was snappy, almost playful, undulating to complement both Ako's drums and Yukina's melodies. And in another song, where the bassline and guitar mostly converged, her incidental syncopation somehow added to Sayo's precise strumming rather than detracted from it. By contrast, Rinko sometimes had fewer parts to play, but she seemed to have found new voices to use. So then, it wasn't just that Yukina – Roselia as a whole – sounded different from the front. It was just that Hina infused the band with energy, with sheer skill that couldn't but elevate everyone else. 

Eventually it came to an end. Yukina's final vibrato still rang in her ears even as she was dimly aware of the audience's riotous cheer. That all was turned on its head with the second song. This one Lisa recognised to be the exact same as the song Lisa had come to memorise from rehearsals. It was as good as Lisa remembered, but the audience seemed restless. Less interested, somehow. She noticed one or two or five people even left. And in the end, the reception was less. 

The competition went on, she supposed, but Lisa only paid attention to half of it, and the other half couldn't compare to the Roselia imprinted in her mind. 

Chisato lasted through at least a dozen more high school band before turning to Lisa and gesturing at the exit. Since Lisa had what she'd come here for, she meekly followed, carefully weaving through the crowd while protecting her recovering arm. Chisato went straight to the backstage area, where the same staff member who had stopped them earlier frowned, then waved them through. 

Roselia had a corner all to themselves, under the speakers through which the sounds from the stage blared. Not too many people were left down there – Lisa assumed those who'd had their turn either went home or watched the rest from the audience. 

Ako and Hina's laughter could be heard from meters away. Lisa made a beeline for Yukina, spotted standing with crossed arms across from Sayo, also crossing her arms, both grim-faced. They didn't seem to be in the middle of a conversation, so Lisa felt no compunction about throwing herself at Yukina. Her best friend endured the hug with a long-suffering sigh. 

"Yukinaaaa! You were so amazing!" 

"Imai-san, be careful with – " 

"Aw, of course I didn't forget about you, Sayo!" Pivoting, she gave Sayo a no less strong one-armed hug, then quickly springing away before Sayo could throw her. "Ako, Rinko! Hina!" One by one, they received Lisa's special attack. 

"Lisa-chi, I've got a present for you. Ta-da!" Hina presented a guitar case to her – Lisa's bass. "It's still in one piece, how's that?" 

"Do you expect Imai-san to praise you for not breaking her possession?" Sayo sniped from the sideline. 

Lisa laughed, accepting the familiar weight. She set it down next to Sayo's guitar case on the sofa. "Thank you, Hina. You worked very hard!" 

"Seriously! Limiting myself to your part is hard! Luckily it was just for one song." Hina nodded to herself. 

Even now Lisa still couldn't tell when Hina was being serious. "Haaa, that's troublesome. What about the other?" 

"Right, that one's Onee-chan's new arrangement, and we only had two sessions to learn them. It was totally boppin', Lisa-chi, you have no idea! Hey, hey, Chisato-chan, for our next live – " 

"I think the others would also like to hear it, Hina-chan. At our next PasuPare meeting. Which is tomorrow, at nine in the morning." 

"Aw, that's early!" 

Chisato covered her smile. Then sternly, she said, "Which is why it's best that you go home and rest now, unless Sayo-chan still needs you?" Sayo shook her head, and returned to her quiet conversation with Yukina. 

"Pffft, fine. Just say that you need your beauty sleep and don't want to pay for taxi – " Hina snapped her fingers. "Chisato! Come sleep over at my house! That way I won't be late tomorrow, and you won't get lost in the subway. Onee-chan won't mind, will you?" 

Sayo never actually gave or withheld her consent. Chisato's feeble protests fell on deaf ears as Hina more or less dragged her away. 

"That girl," Sayo muttered, rubbing her forehead. 

"Ahaha, but Chisato doesn't seem to mind terribly?" 

Ako said, "Yeah, a sleepover sounds fun! Rinrin, we should get going, too!" 

To Lisa's curious inquiry, Rinko explained, "There's a game event… in NFO, the game we played together some time ago…" Apparently they had only a short time period to gather an item Ako really wanted, and they'd both been putting off playing for the sake of practice. Next departure was Ako and Rinko's, with Yukina's blessing. 

And now there were three. Lisa turned to Yukina, smiling, bouncing on her feet. "What, no post-live dissection? It's that much of a success, huh?" 

"There is no such thing as a perfect performance," Yukina said automatically, looking up from behind hooded eyes. "But there's no harm in allowing some time for self-reflection." 

"I knew you'd say that. D'you want to head up to watch the rest?" 

Yukina shook her head. "I'm fine down here." Down here where there were no crowd to jostle with, and only the music as input, why would Yukina ever come up? 

In truth none of the remaining bands held a candle to the Roselia still echoing in her mind. Roselia as it could be, without Lisa holding them back. She held fast to that image as Maki's band came up. Overall they gave a vibe that reminded her strongly of Afterglow. Punk rock, she remembered Yukina summing their sound in a phrase. The bassist, Maki, was decent. Definitely more skilled than Lisa, which was a low bar to clear, but also all the requirement Lisa had asked for. So it was just down to if she got on with Yukina and Sayo… 

"What do you think?" Lisa said casually. Sharp green eyes turned her way. _Not yet._ Lisa met Sayo's gaze, hoping she still trusted her. Actually, Lisa was rather hoping Sayo'd forgotten – right now she was too much of a wild card. 

Oblivious to the exchange, Yukina just shrugged. "Sloppy. The vocalist is too affected, and everyone is playing to their own rhythm. Things that more rehearsals should've been able to fix." Yukina looked at Lisa suddenly, appraising. "You seem to be in high spirits." 

"Ahaha, because I got to see Roselia live." 

"That's good. Lately you seem a bit down. I know it mustn't have been easy for you to step back, but please bear with it a little more, until you're back at full health. We're all waiting for you." 

The corners of Yukina's mouth lifted a little, just a little, but it made Lisa doubt herself for a bit. "Haha, yeah, kept you guys waiting… Ah! I noticed you re-arranged one song." 

"Yes?" 

"Yeah, it sounds great, but, a bit, hm, different. Hina must have been quite the inspiration." 

"In a way," Yukina said, at the same time that Sayo said, "It's not related to Hina. I wrote it before your accident." 

"Well, it shouldn't concern you, Lisa," Yukina said, shooting Sayo a sharp look. 

"I guess not." Because that sounded too sulky even to herself, Lisa added, "I never thought about it that way, you know, that our old stuff can still take different shapes. Maybe sometimes it's not bad that you two are never satisfied with yourselves." 

"More importantly, I have a question for the two of you. What Hina said, was it true? That you fought? Yelled at each other?" 

"Eh? How did you get to…" Lisa trailed off as Yukina frowned. Ah, she was genuinely hurt. When Lisa thought about it, it made sense – in all their years of knowing each other, Lisa and Yukina had never fought, or raised their voices at each other. At least, Lisa didn't remember doing that. Hina's exaggerated account must have made it even more alarming to her. 

"Hina only heard a part of it," Sayo said dismissively, "which she shouldn't have, to begin with." 

…Sayo wasn't helping either. Lisa said, "What Sayo meant is – eh?" 

A familiar head poked into the room. "Oh, Lisa-san! And… Sayo-san? Anyway, I was hoping you hadn't gone home yet. Great show, by the way. I'm definitely interested now." 

Lisa swore inwardly. Time to fast talk her way out. She introduced Maki to a perplexed Yukina, dropping hints that the other bassist should come back _later_ , but Yukina finally caught up. "Interested in what?" she asked suspiciously. 

"Oh, Lisa-san said you're looking for a new bassist…" 

"We are not." 

"Not presently, but should you leave your contact number with Imai-san, we'll contact you if there are further developments," was Sayo's more measured response. 

Maki looked at Lisa, who nodded, and did so. Lisa felt a little guilty for the awkward situation, but once she was gone, Yukina turned to Lisa, frowning. 

"Am I the last person to know you were planning to resign from Roselia?" 

"I just didn't want to distract you before the SMS. I haven't quit yet." 

"Then why? Is something wrong with your arm?" Yukina seemed almost worried for a second. 

Lisa bit her lip. In the second she hesitated, Sayo suddenly said, "I'd also like to hear it." 

_Whose side are you on, Sayo?_ But fair enough, Lisa had inadvertently used her for practice. So. "So… look, it's going to take some time to heal, right? And even after I'm cleared to do whatever with it I'd have lost what little skill I've had up until recently. So let's say it's going to take up the same amount of time to be up to my current level. In that time you're not going to stand still, are you? All of you in Roselia aren't at your limits yet, of course you'll have reached an even higher level. And by then… by then I'm afraid the gap will be too great for me." 

A shrill wail from the speaker was the only sound filling the suddenly small room. Then, "In other words you're giving up." 

"No, not exactly, I'm not quitting if there's no one else, but – but Yukina, if there's someone better, I don't mind stepping aside. I mean, doesn't today make it obvious? Your performance improves just by playing aside a better bassist." 

Yukina's expression could be carved out of marble. "Tell me if I understand this correctly: you are giving up, under the pretense it's for Roselia's benefit. And you – " She turned, whip crack like, at Sayo. " – you knew about this, and you still made that bet." 

"It could be that I paid attention," Sayo said acidly. She sighed, visibly forcing herself to relax. "Please calm down, Minato-san. Let's go through this rationally." 

Seizing on the break, Lisa said, "Right! So maybe let's call it a night and talk this over later, say tomorrow?" 

Yukina had a mullish set to her jaw that let her know nothing she said would get through. "Why, so Sayo could tell me everything is taken care of while undermining me? The fight Hina said you've had – Sayo, are you so set on having your way you would push Lisa out of the band?" 

"Wait, Yukina – " 

"Imai-san, let her," Sayo cut in, looking down her nose at Yukina. "Since Minato-san has lost that much trust in me, there's nothing more that can be said. I must say… I'm disappointed in you, Minato-san." 

A dissonant note pierced through the speaker. Yukina stood utterly still, only her eyes seemed to be alive with anger. Lisa had to say something, soothe all the ruffled feathers. "This is all a misunderstanding – Yukina, listen to me, Sayo didn't make me do anything. And Sayo, stop – " 

" _You_ should stop, Lisa," Yukina interjected coldly. "You don't understand anything. I did, I did listen to you. I thought you've changed. I thought you were serious about Roselia. I thought you understood." 

"I am serious! That's why – " 

"You're running away. Again. This time you're hiding behind Roselia. Tell me, are we the sort of band who would replace members for any petty reasons, as though they're mere tools? Am I that sort of a person, is that how you think of me?" 

"No," Lisa started saying. Except Yukina was right for the first part, and if the first, why not the rest of it? 

Unexpectedly, Sayo spoke up. "Perhaps a change in perspectives is in order, Minato-san? It is easy to look at Imai-san and conclude that she is holding us back. However, if we consider the effort she's put in, the sacrifices she has made…" Here Sayo's gaze lingered uncomfortably long at Lisa's fingers. At the moment Lisa didn't have a good reason to cut her nails short. Trust Sayo to notice them. And then turn her upside down with her next words. "I wonder if we weren't holding Imai-san down instead." 

Though Lisa didn't understand her meaning, Yukina did. Her hand slashed through the space between them. Maybe that was what it was in her mind, cutting through their bond. "That's enough. It's clear we no longer have the same idea of what Roselia is." 

"As you said, Minato-san. What do you propose?" Stone-faced, even-toned, the both of them as though discussing the time for the next rehearsal. _This is all wrong_ , Lisa thought. But for once her tongue failed her. And Yukina… 

"Why, I propose nothing. Do as you wish." 

Yukina didn't look back. Ah, but Yukina never looked back. No second glances, never too long a pause, always moving forward. Lisa had admired that about her, had strived to at least walk shoulder to shoulder. If at some point Yukina would turn her head, she would be there. She never did, though. And it was always Lisa who tarried, Lisa who stopped walking. 

But what about a change of perspectives? said Sayo's voice in her head. Then and now, it was Yukina leaving Lisa behind, effortlessly, thoughtlessly, without giving Lisa a chance to explain. 

Lisa couldn't move. Tears slid down her cheeks, probably ruining her make-up, but she didn't have the energy to care. The backstage was suddenly silent and empty. Music had stopped pouring out of the speaker. Sayo's sigh was the only sign she was still there. 

Only it wasn't a sigh so much as calling Lisa's name, so she reluctantly lifted her head. 

"What?" 

"Are you… you're crying." 

Lisa cracked a wan smile. "Thanks, I wouldn't have noticed it myself." A more sincere 'thank you' came out when she returned Sayo's awkwardly lent handkerchief. 

Sayo was close. An arm's length away, a huggable, punchable distance. Sayo lifted her hand, then thought better of it. Lisa stared, trying to find evidence of… what, remorse? There was something like that in the pinch of her mouth, the shadow around her eyes. Cloudy green stared back at her, also searching. Something close to what Lisa was feeling, then. 

"Why are you still here, Sayo?" 

"You're still here, Imai-san," murmured Sayo. Lest Lisa took it as heartwarming, she continued more clearly, "Even though Minato-san has left. I'm waiting for your answer." 

"…Um, start with the question first…?" Sayo just gave her a look. Lisa snorted. "Like, all this time you're on my case for being dishonest and not one peep about the trouble between you and Yukina?" Because Roselia was, first and foremost, Yukina and Sayo, Sayo and Yukina, and everyone else filling in the gaps. But, as recent developments had shown, maybe Lisa had never understood Roselia. 

"That's no longer relevant – " 

"Because I'm no longer a part of the band? Was I _ever_ more than just my bass, more than the mood battery to you?" Lisa challenged. Yukina's accusations came back to her in echoes. Could it be, was it really all down to power struggle over the direction of the band? Lisa resigning, Lisa staying in Roselia – _what do you want from me, Sayo?_

Sayo drew back, lips pulled back slightly. Lisa thought she saw a flash of teeth. "Time and again I've given you the chance to explain yourself. Even now you're still mendacious. You have _no right_ to start being concerned now. You are not needed here, Imai-san. Minato-san has left Roselia. There is now no reason for you to stay – " 

Lisa didn't let her finish. With her right hand she yanked Sayo's collar. Her left palm flew, striking bonelessly against Sayo's cheek. White hot pain surged from the weakened bone fragments up to her chest, but she kept her grip. In that moment she felt only satisfaction in seeing Sayo's face froze in surprise. 

"You know, I really thought you'd changed? But you're still an asshole," Lisa hissed in her face. They were so close now, Lisa could go for another slap. "Whatever you're getting, I hope it's worth destroying Roselia over." 

Lisa shoved Sayo aside. Her own vision swimming, she grabbed the closest guitar case and fled. 

The case was warm on her back; stale, humid air greeted her outside. She stopped momentarily to dry her eyes, blinking away the image of Sayo's slowly dawning despair. Too late for regret, now. 

Yukina had gone this way. It was only a few minutes ago, even though it felt longer than that. Yukina would have taken the train back, going along the shortest route back home. Her feet took her to the closest subway station. If Yukina went clockwise, she'd go counterclockwise around Tokyo's labyrinthine railway system. She figured it was a metaphor for their lives; maybe Lisa and Yukina were always meant to take separate paths, if not necessarily ending up at the same place. 

The journey home was a blur. As if in a dream, she woke up the moment she set foot into her darkened room. She had left the curtain open; from here, Yukina's brightly lit room was in direct view. Even after everything Lisa still felt a measure of relief. Yukina had made it home safe. 

A memory came to her. Third grade. There had been a movie; Yukina had tried and failed to tell Lisa the entirety of it. Even back then she'd had a sense of drama, and she'd known Lisa needed the context to understand why she'd found the climax affecting. Words failed her, so the next step was to recreate the scene. Lisa remembered waiting in complete darkness, listening to the frantic beat of her heart. Ready to fly at the slightest flicker of light from the other side. The exact pattern didn't matter, only that Lisa followed Yukina's lead. One for one, two for two, until Yukina's parents caught on and made her stop. 

Lisa found herself playing with the light switch. Three. One. Two. Across the veranda, light flashed once. Lisa sat in darkness, stewing in the humid, stale early summer air. More than anything else, she felt ashamed. All things being equal, they weren't children anymore. Old memories and feelings couldn't neatly patch over present hurt and betrayal. That Yukina had long since grown up – and so had Lisa. 

There was no coming back. It was what the older Yukina had been trying to make her understand for so long. Lisa had thought she had understood. Of course the old Yukina was never coming back, but if the current Yukina could at least learn from her old self, it was worth it for Lisa to take up what her old self had put down. Roselia had made it possible; with Roselia it had seemed safe for Lisa to withdraw. After all, Yukina was starting to go out with Lisa on shopping trips, with Ako to Halloween parties. Lisa had been confident their friendship could live outside of music. 

Lisa had everything backwards. 

Distantly, she thought someone would have to tell Ako and Rinko. Someone who still cared. 

Lights on, Lisa set her guitar case down on her bed. After being separated for some time, it seemed… a little smaller. Lisa slowly unzipped the bag. Blue finish. Six strings. She knew it belonged to Sayo even before she checked the name tag on the case's interior. 

"Ahaha, what the hell is this…" 

A quick look at the most recent message on her phone confirmed it: _I have your bass._ Jealous, proud Sayo. Virtuous, honorable Sayo. Well either of them could have Lisa's bass for all she cared. 

Because Lisa was not a thief, she started typing a reply to tell her about the accidental exchange. Because she didn't particularly want to talk to Sayo again, she deleted the message and threw her phone away. Hina could just come and get it for her if she really wanted it. 

(Although for all she knew Roselia would just carry on without her. Yukina and Sayo were soulmates, after all.) 

The guitar hung on the stand by her drawers, a blue note on her otherwise warm room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is taken from Oneness, specifically, the two lines the guitar duo sing.  
> The ChisaLisa conversation took a bit from Lisa's second 4* episode.  
> I considered adding Sayo&Hina to the relationship tagset, except it's not the one going through a breakdown for once... as far as Lisa is aware of (no they're not)  
> 


	4. Strung together with promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roselia continues to grapple with what it means to be a band. The show must go on, mustn't it?
> 
> (When) are you fully devoted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Lisa's father and some compromise at mIRC-style rendering of LINE chats. Please tell me if either works!

**Saturday**

**Sayo** (22:01): I have your bass. 

**Sunday**

**Lisa** (06:26): ok 

**Lisa** (06:30): your guitar's with me it was an accident i'll give it to hina at school tomorrow 

**Sayo** (06:40): This bass is a part of Roselia's sound. As I am given to understand that you care very little for it, presently I am taking it into my custody, until you are ready to wield it once again. When such a time comes, you may also bring my guitar. 

However, allow me to make one thing clear: Roselia is not your charity case. We, Minato-san included and especially, do not need your pity or your frankly gratuitous self-sacrifice. Should you choose to re-join us, it shall be for nothing less than yourself. 

**Lisa** (09:12): or i could just drop your guitar into hanasaki river now 

**Lisa** (09:12): asshole 

* * *

**Monday**

The courtyard was full of shouts, the sharp thwack of balls hitting rackets, and in one case, of a racket shooting into the ground. The tennis club was in full swing come Monday afternoon, and none was more spirited than Himari, who seemed to be flying from one end of the court to the other. 

…Not that she had necessarily fixed her accuracy… 

Her opponent, a senior from 3-B ended the match with 60-40 in her favour. As Himari ceded the court to another first year, Lisa approached her. "Good match, Himari!" 

"Lisa-senpai! I haven't seen you in a while. Uh, is it okay for you to be here?" Himari's gaze darted unsubtly to Lisa's cast. 

"Ahaha, thought I'd show my face around the club once in a while. Just don't tell the captain, okay?" 

The tennis club captain was a third-year with a serious disposition that rivaled Sayo's. It wasn't a favorable comparison at the moment. Lisa quickly banished the thought. "Do you have band practice later?" 

"Yeah, we do, why?" 

Lisa mimed hush, and play-dragged Himari to a dubiously more concealed place. "Et voilà!" Grinning, Lisa produced an innocuous plastic bag full of cookies. "I made too many, so I thought, hey, why not share them with our lively juniors? Rumour has it cookies improve band performance by a hundred percent." 

As Lisa had predicted, Himari accepted it with stars in her eyes. But also, "So many! Aren't you going to give them to Roselia?" 

Her smile froze. "Ah… they already have their portion. Remember, don't eat them all by yourself!" 

Himari pouted. Her grumbling was cut short as the captain found them, and chased Lisa away with bodily threats. Really, these serious people and their inability to show concern normally! 

Lisa left the courtyard with the afternoon breeze playing with her hair. The sun cast a long shadow on the school's main building, and on Lisa. It really was a nice afternoon, too nice to spend cooped up inside, unless it was the shopping mall. Lisa tried to remember what had made her reject a classmate's invitation for manicure. Her steadily dipping savings was a strong contender, what with being banned from part-time work for the moment. Having a too-nice manager was unhelpful sometimes. 

Ah, that's right, there was usually a Roselia band practice at this time. As the thought crossed her mind, she paused, frowning at the ground. When she looked up, Hina was standing right in front of her. 

"I thought you went home already," Lisa said. Hina still wore her uniform and school bag, and a scowl that made her that much more like her twin. 

And a pale imitation of her voice. "You made my sister cry, didn't you?" 

Lisa grinned. It was strangely comforting to hear Sayo felt just as devastated – no, more devastated than Lisa. It was as comforting as a garrot wire wrapped around her heart. Less strange was the reliability of Hina taking Sayo's side no matter what. "Ha, is that why you've been giving me the stink eye all day?" 

"I'm being serious here, Lisa-chi." Hina started prodding, literally, until Lisa batted her finger away. "Onee-chan wouldn't tell me anything! And she was moping all weekend, too. Her guitar is gone but somehow she has your bass. It has your smell all over." 

"If Sayo doesn't want you to know I'm not going to say anything, yeah? She does the same for you." 

Hina grumbled and pouted, but she stood there as Lisa walked past. Huh, maybe even Hina had grown a bit. 

"By the way, I had lunch with Yukina-chan." 

…Or she had been readying a knife and was now twisting it in. Lisa could have kept walking, but. Already a hundred questions welled up. Did she come in late? Is Yukina sick? Does she seem sleep-deprived? Sad? Did she say anything about me? Did she cry? I hope she did. None of them was an option. In the end, Lisa said, "Really." 

Hina's mischievous grin filled her entire face. "Interested? I know you are. Tell me what's going on between you and Onee-chan and Yukina-chan and – owowow." 

Lisa pinched the tip of Hina's nose. "Tsk, what kind of a blackmail is that?" 

"I just want to help, the way you were always worrying about me and Onee-chan," Hina protested, rubbing her nose. 

Now Lisa patted her head. "Aw, that's so nice. You be good to Yukina, 'kay? She doesn't have lunch with just about anyone." 

"You mean, no one else wants to have lunch with her but you, just like you're the only one who asks me to lunch." 

"Ahaha, is that so," Lisa said, hollow. Maybe, maybe if Yukina would ask other people instead of waiting for Lisa, maybe if Yukina would be _nice_ to people sometimes, maybe she wouldn't be so lonely. Then Lisa remembered: she had said as much to Yukina one year ago, with less venom and overdosing on worry. Then Yukina had coolly replied, 'I don't mind,' or was it, 'I don't care if you don't ask me.' Either way, for a time Lisa had stopped talking to Yukina, and in the end it was Lisa who had tried to recover their friendship. 

Grinning to herself, Hina said, "Exactly so! So she was mumbling things like, things I've never asked Lisa to do – ah, that's Yukina-chan's words, not mine." Lisa nodded blankly. Hina had imitated Yukina's tone and facial expression – her disdain, to be exact. "Ah, that reminds me of something Chisato-chan said from another time! 'Love is burdensome, Hina-chan', that kinda drama script. I mean, I don't really get it, if it's really love why not just ask the other person to back off? And isn't love supposed to be a good thing? What do you think, Lisa-chi?" 

Startled, Lisa uttered the first fib that came to mind. "Eh, ah, I don't get it either, maybe ask Chisato to be less vague sometimes?" After all, direct speech didn't always work with Hina, especially when it concerned Sayo. On the other hand, things seemed to have worked out for the twins, so maybe this was Chisato's method to the madness that was Hina. 

They parted none the wiser. Throughout the evening Lisa couldn't stop thinking. For all her protests of not understanding other people, Hina was often intuitive. Her mind made connections that no one understood, least of all herself, but nevertheless often hit near the truth. So Lisa brooded over it during the time she usually set aside to practice the bass when there was no Roselia rehearsal, in between noodling with the music textbooks and tools Kokoro's suits lent her, especially while reviewing Roselia'a discography. 

Things Lisa did that Yukina had never asked for, things that were burdensome. Ordinarily Lisa would have ignored it as Hina's incomplete reporting (Hina had unusual ideas of what was relevant), but a different conversation, a personal conversation with Yukina came to mind. At the time it had been about Sayo, but in retrospect Yukina's insight must have come from personal experience. Yukina had stopped Lisa from meddling, saying if Sayo had wanted her help, she would have asked for it. Or another way of thinking about it: Lisa's well-intentioned initiative wouldn't only be unwelcome, it'd also be an offense. What Lisa saw as kindness was burdensome to others – to Yukina. 

She knew it wasn't all there was to it – Yukina had never been afraid of rebuffing Lisa. Lately, Yukina even made efforts to express her gratitude, and Lisa cherished every moment of it, countable moments that they were. Yukina was not a heartless person. More than that, they had shared a childhood. Presented with kindness, she would have seen it as such. She might have decided it was easier to endure Lisa's meddling. And Lisa, on some unconscious level recognising it for what it was, kept pushing herself into Yukina's life. Joining Roselia, her desperate picking at the bass, and now resigning, all despite Yukina's reservations. All these things Yukina had never asked for. 

The thoughts came throughout the night in drops like a black rain. Slowly it welled up. Anxiety, discontent – basically, Lisa was living through the lyrics to one of Roselia's earliest songs. What a way to understand Yukina's lyrics! She removed her headphone and padded to the window. Across the balcony, Yukina's room was still bright through the curtain. _Burning the midnight oil writing a song as though nothing happened, Yukina?_

"If it's too burdensome, you could at least return some of it," Lisa grumbled as she drew her own curtain shut. 

* * *

**Monday**

**Sayo** (21:46): Hina doesn't have my guitar; am I to understand I can find my guitar at the bottom of Hanasaki River, unless it floats after all? 

**Lisa** (21:50): [A picture of a blue ESP M-II guitar on a stand next to a cream-coloured drawer, before a pink wall, a dog doll hugging its neck.] 

**Lisa** (21:51): didnt want to make a certain puppy sad 

**Lisa** (21:52): I was never going to do anything that'd ruin your guitar 

**Sayo** (21:53): There are many things I had thought you were incapable of that you inexorably did, perhaps because I have been, in your words, an asshole. For destroying what you hold dear, should you choose to destroy my guitar, it would be what I deserved. 

**Lisa** (21:53): ok stop 

**Lisa** (21:54): no self flagellation while i don't have the hands to stop you 

**Sayo** (21:54): That didn't seem to be a problem for you last Saturday. Does it hurt now? 

**Lisa** (21:55): we just 

**Lisa** (21:55): uh 

**Lisa** (21:55) other places 

**Sayo** (21:56): Have you checked with the doctor? 

**Lisa** (21:56): not those places 

**Lisa** (21:56): look ill give your guitar to hina tomorrow for real 

**Sayo** (21:57): Unless you have you come to a decision, please hold that thought. 

**Lisa** (21:58): so i can do that and then we can start round 10000000000000 

**Lisa** (21:59): or you can tell me what you want to hear 

**Lisa** (21:59): you can't both say i'm not needed and keep hounding me 

**Lisa** (22:00): tying your place in roselia with mine 

**Lisa** (22:01): your beloved guitar with something i don't care about anymore 

**Lisa** (22:01): dumbass 

* * *

**Sunday**

Lisa's father was still in the kitchen-slash-dining-room when she came down for breakfast, folding the newspaper he'd been reading. "I heard a little typhoon coming in last night. How was the concert?" 

"Exciting! Where's Mama?" she said, helping herself to breakfast – curry, leftover from yesterday. Even as her father spoke the answer came to her. 

"Out to Inoshima with that high school friend of hers, whatshername." Lisa dutifully supplied the name, knowing full well the three of them had known each other since their high school years. He waved it off. "But tell me more about your band. So exciting this old man isn't allowed to see my baby on stage." 

"Papa, you know you were always _mysteriously_ busy during our previous lives." And a middle-aged man showing up to Roselia's performance would be weird, even if he did bear an uncanny resemblance to one of the girls on stage. Or so he said. Lisa's father worked in mysterious ways. Though in the case he was serious, here was another person she had let down. Lisa took a deep breath and said it in one go. "Anyway, I don't think there'll be more lives for me." 

"That's a shame. Did you have a falling out with Yukina-chan?" 

Lisa nearly dropped her chopsticks. "Haha… am I so transparent?" 

"Besides the sordid fact that I used to change your diapers, Yukina-chan has only been a daily topic for the last dozen of years since we've moved here." Though warm, there was a shrewdness in his brown eyes as he looked at her over his glasses. 

Lisa shook her head, a small smile forming despite herself. "I don't talk about her _that_ much. But, uh, yeah, that's the size of it. I'm not sure I understand it myself." 

Her father hmm'd, leaned back in his seat, and reopened the newspaper. Present if Lisa wanted him to be, but not overbearing. She ate breakfast in peace, if not quite in mind. At length, she asked, "Papa, say I've dropped something twice, do you think I still have the right to pick it up a third time?" 

"For example, a skill, say, the piano…" He closed the newspaper, took off his glasses to wipe the lenses, and put them back on. 

An image of herself in Rinko's fashion, Rinko's hairstyle, even Rinko's retiring demeanor came to mind. "Y-yeah, let's go with that, in a hypothetical world where I was that refined." 

"Oh, good, I was worried it had something to do with friendships." Lisa bit the inside of her cheeks, but her father went on in full lecture mode. "Well, in the case of skills, the only person whose permission matters is yourself. As long as we're still talking within reasonable means, of course. Ah, it's not really the piano, is it? Okay, I just had to make sure. Ask yourself if you have a specific level you'd like to achieve, and if it would satisfy you, and what all you're willing to sacrifice to get there. Twice, thrice, a hundred times – the only question is if you'd want to, and why. 

And hopefully, you've learned something about balancing your obsession with your health." 

Ahahaha, was all Lisa had to say. Because if anything could be blamed for her injury, it would be sleep deprivation, and if anyone, herself. Apparently her nightly bass practice hadn't been as sneaky as she'd thought. 

"Well, I have to go see my students now. But if you're up to a change of pace, my doctor friend is looking for a new part-timer. You'll be doing admin work, mostly, but if you're still interested in going to medical school it's a good start." 

"I am," Lisa said, seizing with a fervor she didn't realise she'd had. Initially everyone she'd talked to had been keener on the idea: Ako and Rinko, casting her into a role (class, was it?) their favourite game understood; Marina, expanding the idea into a real world application; her father, going as far as reaching out to his connections to get a foot in the door. Lisa herself had taken the suggestion in stride. Interesting though it might be, she had Roselia to think of. 

Roselia to fall back to, Roselia to hold her back… lately those negative thoughts turned up with the regularity of flipping a weighed coin. Nevertheless, what was clear from the past two bass-less weeks was that Roselia took up a staggering amount of her time. 

Sooner or later, her father had to leave to supervise his students' thesis. Lisa finished her breakfast. Alone, she had no option but to check her phone. On a normal Sunday Roselia would have practice in less than an hour. A glance at LINE told her she wasn't the only one who had gotten up early out of habit. Through Roselia's group chat Yukina had announced today's practice was canceled, followed by Ako and Rinko's acknowledgement. There were other Roselia-related messages, one from the one person Lisa didn't want to talk to. Lisa fired back an impulsive reply to Sayo, anger breaking through the restraint of typing with one hand. 

That done, she went back to staring at LINE. There was absolutely nothing from the one she was anxious to hear from. Hear from, not talk to – there was nothing stopping Lisa from throwing pebbles at Yukina's window to get her attention. But she'd sooner draw blood from stone than Yukina would initiate a conversation with her. 

So no, Lisa didn't want to talk to Yukina either. There was no point in talking to someone who wouldn't listen – Yukina had made her position clear. 'Anything you need', she had said when she had first visited Lisa in the hospital. Anything but what Lisa truly needed. 

Eventually, Lisa baked some cookies. Roselia's songs were like cookies, shaped by Yukina's voice – limited by Yukina, Sayo would say if she were any less loyal. But she was, so they ended up fighting needlessly behind everyone's back anyway. There her analogy broke down. Unlike cookie cutters Yukina was always moving, always growing, always chasing a nebulous peak. The first time Lisa hadn't been able to keep up, and let go. Then there came Roselia and the second time looked a little different, but not so much that she ended up in a different place. 

The second verse, a deceptive variation that led back to the same chorus. Look at that, this part of her life looked like a Roselia song after all. 

* * *

**Monday**  


**Sayo** (23:00): With regard to the direction for Roselia, Minato-san and I have had our differences in the past, though they were minor differences that were always immediately resolved, and were rare in occurrence. But recently those differences increased in frequency and obstinacy, though nonetheless remaining too trivial to disrupt the other members with. On this Minato-san and I are agreed. Despite our lip service to the contrary, we thought we alone understood Roselia's sound, even as it became apparent our ideas for what it is has started to diverge. We had decided, prior to your accident, to put our concepts to test with the SMS. 

I realise this does not answer your question, but I think it's an important point to start with. I apologise for taking so long to answer, and for withholding this from you. 

**Lisa** (23:01): nnooo thank you for telling me 

**Lisa** (23:02): but i still dont get it the thing with direction was just different arrangements 

**Lisa** (23:02): but saturday you both sounded… intense 

**Sayo** (23:03): I don't expect you, or indeed anyone else to understand, not least because it is difficult for me to describe it even to myself. But in essence it has come to a point where these so-called different arrangements were akin to choosing between diverging paths that would take Roselia to different places. 

**Lisa** (23:03): i see 

**Lisa** (23:03): to you and yukina music is its own world 

**Lisa** (23:03): a world i can't enter 

**Sayo** (23:03): For one, I disagree. 

**Sayo** (23:05): For another, if it's a world, music is an abstract world made of unspeakable sentiments. You, Imai-san, with your perspicacity and clarity have no need of it. 

**Sayo** (23:05): I don't claim to fully understand how Minato-san thinks, but in this we are of a similar mind, I can guess what had made her upset with you. Minato-san's own standards would demand that we find a new bassist, at least for the duration you would not be able to play. It would not hurt if said bassist were more skilled. All the same, supposing that music is a world, your resignation from Roselia would be tantamount to suicide, or from her side a betrayal on par with what happened to Minato-san's father. That you gladly did it for her sake only added to her dilemma, for Minato-san is not a heartless person. 

**Lisa** (23:06) : ah 

**Lisa** (23:06): sorry this is a lot to take in 

**Sayo** (23:07): Of course, I share the blame as well for keeping silence. But I want you to understand Minato-san's reaction was only partly directed at you. 

**Lisa** (23:08): you think i don't know that? it's always music with her it's only ever music i stopped existing the moment i stopped playing the bass 

**Lisa** (23:08): everything i've done means nothing because she feels guilty 

**Lisa** (23:09): doesn't even try to talk me out of it but gets angry because i wanted to wait 

**Lisa** (23:09): she damn well knows she hates to be distracted before a show 

**Sayo** (23:10): I'm sorry. 

**Lisa** (23:10): what are you her pr 

**Lisa** (23:10): why are you still defending yukina after all the awful things she's said to you? 

* * *

**Tuesday**

Ako was waiting for her by the school gate, cheeks puffed up the moment Lisa came into her sight, school bag swinging wildly on her shoulder as she put her hands on her hips. "Lisa-nee! What's going on?" 

"Hey, someone's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed," Lisa said, smiling, patting the top of her twintails. 

Ako's cheeks swelled impossibly larger. "Lisa-nee!" 

Her good humour faded. "If it's about Roselia, can't it wait later?" 

"No, because you're going to run away." Well, she had Lisa there. Ako had tried to ask point-blank through LINE; Lisa's vague redirections mustn't have worked as well as she'd thought. 

Lisa sighed. "Come one, let's not block the way." Yukina could be coming at any second (already several of Lisa's friends had stopped, nosing around conspicuously). Ako allowed herself to be steered along the inner wall, but no further than the wisteria tree. "Look, Ako, the wisteria has started blooming!" There it was, a taint of blue. If ever there was a time to appreciate spring too late, it was at that moment. 

But Ako didn't appreciate the flower at all. "Lisa-nee, I'm serious here!" 

There was no winning against Ako's glassy eyes. They pierced through her cloud of self-pity like nothing else. "All right, all right, I'm listening. So you went to practice yesterday, and…" 

"And Sayo-san didn't come at all! And when I asked Yukina-san she said neither you or Sayo-san would be coming. And that's weird, because according to Rinrin there was nothing wrong with Sayo-san at school." 

"Yeah, that girl's as healthy as a horse." _Although they do say idiots can't catch cold…_

Ako narrowed her eyes at Lisa's glib comment. "I knew it! I knew there's something going on! Lisa-nee… did you guys have a fight?" When she didn't immediately answer, Ako impatiently elaborated. "You and Sayo-san and Yukina-san are fighting. Hina-chin said it's over Roselia's sound, but I didn't want to believe her." 

Lisa found she couldn't quite look at Ako. It was one thing when she was facing Yukina or Sayo, but Roselia was so much more than those two, she realised belatedly. There were the innocent, unwitting victims Ako and Rinko, and now even Hina seemed to have remained stuck with them. 

Hiding her grimace, Lisa said, "And then, did you practice after all?" 

Ako shook her head. "Rinrin told Yukina-san Roselia is the five of us and Roselia's sound is whatever us five make. And I agreed with Rinrin, but Yukina-san insisted, so… we kinda just left…" 

Lisa was struck with an image of Yukina standing alone in the middle of an empty studio, the cymbals still ringing with the echoes of Ako's shouts and the door being slammed shut. Presently Ako was looking at her with an absolute trust, as though she still believed Lisa would save the band instead of break it beyond repair. 

Ah, to hell with it. Lisa squeezed Ako's shoulder. "Listen, Ako. You weren't being fair to Yukina – she more than everyone understands what you just said. That Roselia is the five of us." 

"So then why – " 

Lisa smiled without much humour. "It's me, I didn't understand, and I took Sayo with me. Well, Yukina and Sayo had their own issues, but I wasn't helping." She understood now Sayo's urgency to bring her back to her normal form. Two people made for a normal, everyday quarrel; three was the end of the world, or just the band. 

Under Ako's round, pleading gaze, Lisa explained, "You see, I'd had plenty of time to think. I was lucky the damage wasn't extensive, but what if the cabinet had crushed my hand more thoroughly? what if it had hit my head instead, and I'd gone, say, blind? I'm not, I'm not happily saying this, but sometimes things happen, yeah? And it might not be me, it might even be Yukina, but say for whatever reasons it might not always be the five of us who make up Roselia. 

"Ako, you love Roselia, don't you?" 

Ako nodded with all her might. "Of course! And Yukina-san, and Sayo-san, and Rinrin, and Lisa-nee, too. But – " 

"What I'm saying, Ako, is that… this might be a good time to think what aiming to the top means. If Roselia is going to be professional, sometimes it means that the show must go on, with whoever are left. It's not always going to be the five of us." 

Ako seemed on the verge of tears. She tore Lisa's hand from her shoulder. "No way. Why, Lisa-nee? Are you quitting? Why?" 

"I'm sorry," was all Lisa could say. She really was sorry; out of all of them she had let down Ako the most. No explanation would ever cut it. 

(And in Sayo's words, she couldn't explain it to herself, let alone ask other people to understand.) 

Ako stomped a foot, yelling, "Yukina-san!" And then she pulled Yukina herself seemingly out of thin air. Same time as always, Yukina, Lisa started thinking fondly. Then she remembered she was supposed to be sulking still. 

"What is it, Ako?" Yukina said impatiently. 

"Yeah, maybe we should do this later? Or at least somewhere else." 

For the first time Yukina looked at Lisa. "That's more your concern than mine, isn't it? I don't mind." 

"U-um, Yukina-san! Lisa-nee said she wanted to quit!" Ako said, waving both arms, bag swinging dangerously. 

Yukina shrugged. "Yes, that was last weekend." 

"And you're okay with this?" 

"Why not? There's only one thing I'd say. If it's for my sake, forget it. I reject your resignation. I have _never_ asked for you to join, I would never ask you to _quit_. But you've never cared about what I wanted, have you, Lisa?" 

Her left hand clenched tightly; the pain kept her from crying, or lashing out the way she had at Sayo. "Hey now, that's some mean words you're saying in front of Ako." 

Though Ako looked at her as though Lisa was the cruel one. Ah, that's right, she'd killed Roselia. 

Yukina said, "Ako's not a child anymore." 

"You're both mean," Ako said almost immediately. She dodged Lisa's attempt to pat her head. "Fine, if no one wants to save Roselia, then I… I'll save Roselia!" 

Yukina had a thoughtful look on her face as she watched Ako dashed to the middle school parts of Haneoka. Then she turned to Lisa, calm as you please. "Well? You're unusually quiet." 

"Ha, Yukina wants me to talk, now that's unusual." 

It actually was. Yukina's lips were pressed into a single white line. Beneath her calm facade the emotions whirling inside her must have been even more so strangled. Lisa was probably enjoying this too much. She dialed her sulk back a little. "So… Roselia's back in business as usual, eh." 

"Of course. I cannot allow such a small incident to undo our progress." Gimlet eyes locked onto Lisa's, narrowing. Apart from that, Yukina barely moved a muscle. "Emergencies and setbacks are nothing as long as you persevere. You are recovering, are you not? As I have repeatedly told you, all you need is a little time and effort. Skills are not so easily erased." 

Lisa felt herself smiling. This impatient princess, demanding her broken toy to move by itself. "I knew you'd say that. I admire that about you, you know. But, just for example, I'm not accusing you of anything, don't you want to know why?" 

"If you'd wanted me to know you'd have told me before making your decision. Was I wrong to give you space?" 

_Yes! I'm not like you or Sayo._ But this was Yukina, so Lisa swallowed that reply. Instead, she said, "Did you even think to ask? Sayo did." 

"Sayo," Yukina said, looking down her nose at the spectre of her guitarist. "That idiot has always doubted your place in Roselia." 

Lisa couldn't deny the first part, but the second part she just had to argue. "Haha, I've always wondered about that… But Yukina, Sayo didn't say anything to you out of respect for my and your friendship, don't blame her for that. I wanted to believe that Roselia could go on without me, and for my sake Sayo also believed the same. She trusted _you_. Don't you think that kind of loyalty deserved hearing her out, at least?" 

Her appeal seemed to have the opposite of the intended effect as Yukina frowned harder. "You still don't understand. It's not what you think. It has nothing to do with you." 

Lisa snorted, adjusted her bag. Well, she'd given it a shot. But clearly, Lisa was too stupid to understand the sacred mystery that was music – Yukina's music. "Whatever, Yukina. See you later?" 

"You'll come to Thursday's practice session, then?" 

The faint note of hope made her pause. Lisa just couldn't win when it came to Yukina. Even her resentment was unrequited. 

And yet Yukina still had no time for her outside of music. "Come on, class starts in five," she said after a moment. 

* * *

**Monday**

**Sayo** (23:13): I don't believe our differences are insurmountable, after what we had gone through together as Roselia. Despite her so-called awful statements, I believe Minato-san still clings to the same Roselia we – you and I included – belong to. Whatever shape our music would take does not matter, only that it would be ours, and ours alone. 

Therefore, asshole and dumbass that I am, allow me to ask you plainly: for your own sake, not for Minato-san, or Roselia, or anyone else, will you continue playing the bass? Will you add your sound to Roselia, and grow as a musician together with us? 

**Lisa** (23:13): has anyone ever told you you're honey tongued 

**Sayo** (23:13): I see you're not taking this seriously. 

**Lisa** (23:14): oh i am 

**Lisa** (23:14): i get it now your tiff with yukina 

**Lisa** (23:15): your direction calls for a more skilled bassist 

**Lisa** (23:15): so if i quit it'd be convenient for you too 

**Lisa** (23:15): im not done yet 

**Lisa** (23:16): but you also think roselia would fall apart without me 

**Lisa** (23:16): you don't believe in roselia as strongly as you claim 

**Lisa** (23:17): and you feel guilty for breaking us up you can't bear to face yukina 

**Lisa** (23:17): but your stupid pride knows you're right on all counts 

**Lisa** (23:18): you've tied yourself into knots so you leave it to me to choose for you 

**Lisa** (23:18): you think if you could bring me back everything would go back to normal 

**Lisa** (23:18): am i wrong? 

**Sayo** (23:19): I have no right to deny any of your accusations. 

**Lisa** (23:19): of cours you do dumbass 

**Lisa** (23:20): but it's late and i'm tired 

**Lisa** (23:20): so you go untangle your feelings first 

**Lisa** (23:21): leave me out of this assume i'm as good as gone 

**Lisa** (23:21): talk to yukina again properly this time 

**Lisa** (23:22): and sleep damn it 

**Lisa** (23:22): goodnight 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from a rather liberal interpretation of Determination Symphony's lyric.


	5. The sun by day, the moon by night, and you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A girl band is five girls and those other meddling girls each comes attached with.
> 
> (To whom) are you fully devoted?

The week without Roselia continued. 

Wednesday afternoon saw Hazawa Coffee more or less deserted. Painted in warm colours, abounding in the aroma of coffee and freshly-baked pastry, and staffed by a familiar face, Lisa thought she knew why Rinko had chosen this place to make her plea. Not that Rinko had said as much, but Lisa would eat her – at the moment Sayo's – guitar if this meeting had nothing to do with Roselia. Only one thing could motivate the shy and retiring Rinko. 

…that Lisa knew of. This week had been a study in the unknown facets of her bandmates. 

Lisa was early. Rinko had sent her a text earlier apologising that she would be late due to 'unforeseen circumstances', which was fine by her; she hadn't been to Tsugumi's cafe in some time and wanted to see if Tsugumi's father had anything new on display. And something new it had, albeit a familiar face at that. 

"Ah!" Lisa said, more startled than the situation warranted. 

"Imai-san," Sayo greeted from behind the counter with the tone of one greeting a filthy stray cat. 

"Oh, Lisa-senpai, welcome!" And there was Tsugumi, bright enough for three. "What'll you have?" 

Pointing at Sayo's pristine Hazawa Coffee apron, Lisa said, "I'll have ten minutes of her time." 

"My rate is hourly," Sayo said without missing a beat, hand tugging on a stray bang that wasn't there. Then remembering it wasn't there, she stood at attention. 

Tsugumi looked from one to another, bemused. "Of course you can talk to Sayo-san, there's no other customer around, anyway." 

Sayo shook her head, muttering something about seeing to the back and was gone before Tsugumi could excuse her. 

"Hey, Tsugumi, I'll have black coffee," Lisa said. "And… what's the cake du jour?" 

Tsugumi's eyes darted briefly to the door where Sayo had disappeared into. "Eh? Um, actually, Sayo-san and I have been trying to make chocolate gateau if you'd like to try it? Free of charge, of course, since it's off the menu." 

"Hee, that Sayo and you, eh? Of course I'll take it. So how long has Sayo been working here?" 

"Well, Eve-chan is absent today for her idol work, and when I mentioned it to Sayo-san, she – I shouldn't be telling you this." Tsugumi quickly punched in her orders and called the total. 

Lisa handed her one Yukichi, but didn't quite let go yet. "Relax, I'm not going to make fun of her or anything. I used to work part-time, too." 

"O-of course, you're not that kind of a cruel person." 

"Nope, just a different kind of a cruel person." 

Lisa regretted her self-deprecating humour as soon as it left her mouth. She apologised to a flustered Tsugumi, meekly accepted her change, and went to grab a seat. Rinko would likely abhor sitting next to a window, but the cafe was empty enough Lisa thought any other seat would do. No wonder Rinko picked this place. 

(Although she wondered if it was okay for a cafe to be this empty on a normal day.) 

The leather seat sank halfway under her weight. Western jazz music filtered out of the speakers at just above a whisper. It was a perfect place for a nap. Lisa had almost dozed off when Tsugumi suddenly appeared with her orders on a tray. 

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" 

"No, I'm waiting for Rinko, anyway. I was up late working on something… Ah, thank you." Tsugumi brought: coffee, cake, and… a face that was close to yelling 'I won't pry' even as she was brandishing a crowbar. 

Sure enough, hugging the empty tray to herself, Tsugumi said, "Um, Lisa-senpai, I don't want to pry, but… is there something going on between Sayo-san and you?" As Lisa blinked at her, Tsugumi quickly said, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." 

Lisa couldn't help smiling. "You're getting real friendly, eh." 

"I-it's not like that… Um, Sayo-san is a very kind person. I know she can be awkward sometimes, but she cares for you, Lisa-senpai." 

Why single me out? Lisa wanted to ask. But she finally remembered. Sayo had mentioned asking for Tsugumi's help to bake cookies to give to Lisa as a get-well-soon gift. 

Tsugumi continued, "Sayo-san was trying so hard to cheer you up. That's why she's working part-time here today, to repay for the times she's used our kitchen, even though I told her it's fine since I wanted to learn how to make gateau, too. Ah, she didn't want you to know that, either. Ahaha, sorry, I'm digressing. Uh, but I'm sure whatever she did she mustn't have meant to hurt you." 

"But somehow you didn't think it could've been me who'd hurt her?" Lisa grinned, shaking her head to stall Tsugumi's apology. "I was teasing you. You're a good kid, Tsugumi. Come on, sit down, sit. Wanna cake?" Tsugumi declined, saying that she'd made it. Right, the cake Sayo had wanted to – and the dumbass had to go and pick something complicated. 

Under Tsugumi's furtive glance, Lisa took a bite. "Mm, this is pretty good, Tsugumi. Thank you." It was actually too sweet, but Lisa hadn't expected anything else out of these two overly earnest people. 

"You did pay for it, so there's no need to thank me…? But Sayo-san would be happy to hear that." 

Truly, hopelessly earnest. Lisa changed the topic. She'd heard from Marina that Afterglow was scheduled for a live show at CiRCLE this weekend (the slot usually reserved for Roselia, Lisa thought guiltily). It didn't take much for to get Tsugumi talking about her band – childhood friends first before band members. The band itself was simply a means to stick together. 

"Back then I didn't really think it through," Tsugumi admitted sheepishly. "Out of all of us only Tomoe-chan and I had some sort of experience with music. I wasn't very good with the keyboard though, and Tomoe-chan only did taiko, so we all more or less started on the same footing. So I thought, if everyone was struggling together we'd also spend a lot of time together, putting our minds together into one thing… We're pretty different people, so we kind of have to make an effort to have something in common." 

"That's pretty smart, actually," Lisa said approvingly. 

"Ahaha, I must have sounded calculating but I really do just want us to remain close… ah, now that's really childish…" 

Lisa assured her that no, Tsugumi really was a good kid. "You treasure the old times, because no one else has known you since you were little. You've watched each other grow through various circumstances, so now you know more about each other than anyone else." 

"Yes, yes." Tsugumi seemed relieved, then back to working up to something again. Lisa braced herself for the inevitable question of how she could have known – 

"Um, Lisa-senpai, we're not nearly as good as Roselia, but would you like to come see our performance?" 

Lisa blinked. "Did you invite Sayo, too? Never mind, don't take that so seriously." Teasing Tsugumi was as easy and regrettable as taking candy from a baby. "Yes, of course I'll come see you guys. And I think that's Rinko." 

Sayo had come out of hiding to serve at the counter while Tsugumi was taking a break. With a jolt and a hasty apology, Tsugumi dashed back to the counter. Too quietly for Lisa to hear, Sayo guided Rinko through her orders; once Sayo seemed to look at Lisa and shook her head. The bill settled, Lisa waved at Rinko. 

"I'm sorry I was late… there was an issue… at the library club," Rinko said, sitting before Lisa, and not quite meeting her eye. The trick with Rinko was to give her space to collect her thoughts without making her feel the intervening silence was both awkward and her fault. 

"There's something… important I want to talk to you… about Roselia…" Lisa nodded, keeping her tongue firmly behind her teeth. "Imai-san, is it true that…you've quit?" 

Lisa nodded again. "Sorry, I didn't have the chance to tell everyone altogether. But everything Ako's told you is true." 

Ahhh, Rinko exhaled, seemingly shrinking into herself. Lisa felt like exhaling herself with something like relief. There, that was all of them, each member of Roselia she had let down in person. Regretfully, but also, borrowing Sayo's word, inexorably. _See, Tsugumi, I'm this sort of a cruel person._

As if summoned by her thoughts, here came Tsugumi with Rinko's cafe latte and pound cake. Lisa took the opportunity to nibble at her own. Sayo was attending the counter – standing at attention, definitely not stealing glances at their table. 

"Would you mind… at least telling me why?" 

Having practiced this on everyone else, the answer came smoothly. "Let's be honest, my lack of skill was already restricting the band back when I could play. Adding the time for recovery and rehabilitation on top of that would just be unfair to you guys. And we're soon going to have to worry about university entry exams, too." 

"If it's just the music… rock music never asks for more than three chords… and minimalism rises into popularity regularly. Do you think we won't… stay together past graduation?" 

"I am… thinking of the possibilities. Among other things, it's just not practical to hope everyone will be able to get into the same uni. The time to reach the World FES is now… doesn't that sound like something Yukina would say?" 

Lisa laughed alone. Rinko merely nodded, cautiously, chipping at her cake. For courage, maybe. Lisa drank the last of her cold coffee. Then, "But that's not all… I think." 

"Well, no, but it's the largest and most important part." 

Rinko shook her head slowly. "It was so sudden, I think we'd all like to know… because we have benefited so much from your kindness… but we didn't know that there were difficulties… and if we could have helped… or if we had caused them…" 

"None of you did anything wrong," Lisa said, heart clenched painfully. "I'm sorry I made you doubt yourself." 

"Um, you don't need to apologise to me… but it weighs on Hikawa-san even at school… and of course Ako-chan and Yukina-san, too." 

Even as guilt welled up, Lisa couldn't help feeling a smidge of pride. _See, Sayo, other people can feel your kindness, too!_ Even if it manifested through meekly defending her against Lisa… 

And before her, Rinko deserved an explanation. "I'm sorry," Lisa said like a broken record. "It's not that I don't think you guys aren't important to me, far from it, you're all too precious to be caught up in my issues." Deep down she knew the opposite was true: she was afraid, yes, but of finding out that she was no longer needed, and no one would try to stop her. Except Sayo had tried, so the complete honest truth was Lisa had left Yukina before Yukina could tell her she wasn't needed. 

Or now that it was apparent Yukina would never kick her out, maybe Lisa hadn't wanted Yukina to stop her. 

Lisa looked outside the window. Out of the corner of her eye she spied Rinko asking for Sayo's help with her baleful expression, and Sayo resolutely refusing to look in their direction. 

"Not a very attentive employee, is she," Lisa commented. 

Once she'd recovered from the surprise, Rinko said, "Hikawa-san tried her best…" 

"I know! Trust me, I know that better than anyone!" Lisa snapped, then bit down on her lip hard. This was Rinko, she had just snapped at Rinko. "Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" 

"It wasn't an easy decision for you to make," Rinko said quietly. Not trusting herself to speak, Lisa nodded. "I'm sorry, too." 

It sounded more like pity than kindness, and that helped Lisa keep her bearing. That, and the thought that any minute now Sayo would turn her head and saw her break down in the middle of Tsugumi's family's cafe. 

Rinko looked at her hands as she spoke. "Ako-chan told me what you'd told her. Imai-san… are you still… doing this all for Yukina-san? Even though Yukina-san… doesn't want you to?" 

Lisa frowned, but soon it cleared. "Ah, Ako overheard that embarrassing part, too, ahaha. It's, how do I say this… yes and no?" 

"Ako-chan thinks… you're angry because Yukina-san doesn't care about you… even though she does…" Rinko trailed off with each word until Lisa had to strain her ears to hear. 

"Ah, well, she heard the petty stuff, too." She shouldn't have been worried, of course Yukina would have her defenders, too. Lisa sighed, shoulders sagging. "Go ahead. I'm still listening." 

"Imai-san… you always apologise for Yukina-san… I don't think she understands…" 

Lisa felt her lips curl. "That's my fault too, eh? So I should apologise first?" 

Rinko shook her head, hugging her cup for warmth. "I think… maybe we take you for granted… but especially Yukina-san… so if you don't want to go back… to the way things used to be… I'll understand…" 

Not trusting herself to speak, Lisa nodded. Orange light emanated from the window. The sun was setting, and Lisa still had business. She took a deep breath, saying, "No matter what happens, I still love Roselia. I don't want you to break up because of me. What do you think, Rinko?" 

"Are you… familiar with the Ship of Theseus?" Lisa shook her head. "Um, it's… a Western philosophical question… if an object whose parts have been replaced… one by one, over time, is it still the same object…" 

"So, uh, if the ship's Roselia, and the parts are us… uh, what's the answer to the question?" 

"There is no right answer… it's only a thought experiment on identity, a starting point… For myself… it is the ship of Theseus because it belongs to Theseus. In the same way… it is Roselia, my Roselia, the true Roselia… as long as I am a part of it. 

"Conceited though it may be." Rinko smiled diffidently. Hidden in the shadows of the setting sun, she looked… stronger. No, Rinko had always been strong, but Lisa had underestimated her. As she had underestimated Yukina, and Ako, and Rinko, and… 

Leave Ako-chan and Yukina-san to me, Rinko said before they finally parted ways. Lisa stayed behind, playing with her cake. New customers had entered the cafe, a pair of young men in bespoke suits. Sayo had gone to serve them, passing by Lisa's seat with a full tray. 

On her way back, Lisa called to her. "Hey, can I have more coffee?" 

Sayo stopped dead on her track, back straight, scowling at the money set before her. "Isn't it a little too late in the evening?" she said archly. Even now she couldn't help worrying over others' unregulated sleep cycle. 

"You know, you're a much better friend than you're a waitress," Lisa said, grinning openly. 

Lips pursed, Sayo took the money and the cup, and shortly after delivered her coffee (Lisa had given an exact change). She set the cup deliberately, scowling at the lipstick mark on the rim. 

"My shift ends in an hour," she slowly said, as if ready to retract her words at any moment. "If you were planning to stay that long, would you mind…" 

Lisa smiled at her. "Sure, I'll wait for you." 

Sayo left with a stiff nod. Lisa stared at the bitter, black draught, then took a sip. She pulled out a notebook and got to work. 

A little less than sixty minutes later, Sayo approached her, already changed back to her school uniform. "Hazawa-san insisted that I left earlier," she explained morosely. Lisa stifled her laughter; only Sayo would treat being dismissed early as failure. 

"Tsugumi's a nice boss, yeah? Hey, isn't this your first time working? How was it, what do you think?" 

Night had fallen. The shopping district was brightly lit, brighter even than on daytime. Their houses were not exactly in the same neighborhood, but there was a decent stretch of the way they could walk together. "You were present for most of it," Sayo began saying, and then proceeded to tell Lisa about it anyway. She wouldn't say it aloud, but she seemed to be mostly bored by the lack of work. And then seemingly out of some misplaced notion of small talk equivalency, she asked about Lisa's day. 

"Udagawa-san came to my house a couple of days ago. It seems that Hina had told her our address and my schedule." 

"Haha, she did the same to me and Yukina at our school, probably the morning of it." 

Sayo nodded. "She was quite upset that you seemed to no longer care for Roselia, and that Minato-san seemed to hate you." 

"That… also happened." 

"I made her promise to not bother you or Minato-san anymore, and in exchange I promised to try to talk to you once again. I didn't realise she would enlist Shirokane-san's help." 

"Ako really loves Roselia. But I don't think you should underestimate Rinko, either. You know, I think they're the only ones who understand what Roselia is," Lisa said, a completely useless thing to say, but Sayo nodded as though she'd received wisdom. And maybe Lisa was getting greedy. Walking shoulder to shoulder like this, talking about everything and nothing under moonlight, their recent quarrels but a spectre in the background. 

A crossroad. Being that she walked with Sayo, though there were no cars around as far as she could see, Lisa waited for the traffic light to change, bouncing from foot to foot like a child. The coffee's fault, her inner Sayo's voice said; or maybe it was the presence of the real Sayo beside her. Maybe the expectation that something beyond her control was preventing her from moving had made her impatient, despite not having a particular desire to go anywhere. 

(The philosophical turn she could blame on her conversation with Rinko.) 

At length she said, "So, uh, did you actually have something to say to me, or did you just agree with Ako to get rid of her?" 

"No, I suppose our mouths were flapping and sounds came out, but we haven't talked." 

"Geez, when did you start using sarcasm?" Lisa laughed. 

Sayo looked straight ahead at the light a little too fixedly. "Surely it couldn't be due to your corrupting influence." 

The green man turned up at that point. Lisa was saved from responding by the need to cross the road. 

On second thought, she couldn't pretend everything was back to normal. "Sayo, I haven't really apologised to you, have I?" 

Sayo made a disagreeable sound. "Imai-san – " 

Lisa held up her hand without thinking; at the same time Sayo had turned her head. Her fingers brushed against dry skin and lips. Remembering the last time she had touched Sayo's face, Lisa withdrew her hand as though burned and averted her eyes. "Sorry." 

"Your word of the day, I see." 

"Sorr–ugh, just listen to me." 

Sayo hm'd, her pale smile instantly flattened. Even so, it took a few steps before Lisa could gather her courage. "So, so, so, I'm really grateful for what you did, for what you're doing even now. You really love Roselia, don't you? And even now you'd still stand by Yukina. I appreciated – I was _happy_ you cared for something that much, that you'd do anything for Roselia. But Sayo, you weren't Yukina… I wanted it to be Yukina. I'm sorry." 

Lisa wondered what face Sayo was making right now. Disdain, perhaps. Disappointment, if the past week hadn't crashed Sayo's opinion of her already. But all she said after a moment was, "You wanted Minato-san to obstinately pursue you." Ignoring Lisa's grumble ("Don't gotta put it like that") she continued, still frowning thoughtfully, "You asked me why I defended Minato-san. My understanding of you is an Imai-san who treasures her bond with Minato-san above all else. I don't think you needed to apologise for it." 

Sometimes Lisa couldn't tell if Sayo's self-esteem was so low it wound up on the other side, or so high gravity punished it hard. A conversation for another time… if there was a next time. For now, fleetingly, almost too quietly to be heard, Sayo said, "And… and I wouldn't do 'anything' for anyone who's not important to me." 

Her eyes and chest were getting warm, fit to burst. "Okay, I'll say thank you instead, how's that? Thank you, Sayo." 

Sayo shook her head again. "I don't deserve your gratitude, either. I've been less than honest with you." Ah, this 48th ronin, Lisa thought, only half exasperated, as Sayo grasped for words. "Much as I wish to believe otherwise, I don't think Minato-san and I truly see eye to eye anymore. You don't seem surprised," she mumbled the last part peevishly. 

Lisa coughed. "Yukina hit your blind spot, I'd be more surprised if it didn't hurt at all. You, ah, probably haven't ever considered your integrity could be called into question." 

Sayo's eyes widened as though it was a grand revelation. "I suppose… Yes… Well. But what matters is that I'm letting personal issues interfere with the band once again, and with Minato-san at that. Even though we've vowed not to." 

"Be fair, Yukina also hasn't talked to you once, has she?" Sayo confirmed, with some nudging, while glaring inwardly, that it was so. Lisa sighed, but she wasn't surprised, either by Sayo's self-flagellation or Yukina's silence. "Hey, remember you used to say 'the band has no place for friendships'? I guess now we all know why." Faced with an unskilled Lisa who squeaked into Roselia by the thin allowance of Yukina's nostalgia, it had been Sayo's compromise. As it turned out, Sayo had been prophetic. 

"It hurts because your bond with Yukina, er, is strong enough to feel it. Like, say, the string connecting you is thick and long enough that you feel the vibration with your whole body. Ahaha, sorry, I'm a bassist so I make poor bass analogies." Lisa was laughing, but Sayo didn't seem to find it as funny. 

Frowning at the dark sky, Sayo said, "I don't believe that anymore. At least, as our bonds deepen, as we grow individually as people through these bonds, so our performance as a band improves. And at the centre of it is… you, Imai-san. You are instrumental in making Roselia what it is, that we – even I – were able to work with Hina seamlessly." 

"Don't exaggerate," Lisa said, unable to hold back anymore. "You managed just fine without me. I know you're going to put that on my influence, too, but I also know you guys were always going to come together even without me. If anything, my presence delayed that." 

"Why are you so eager to erase your own existence from Roselia?" Sayo said, voice rising so sharply Lisa was stunned into silence. "I'm not! If I regret anything, it's that you don't seem to have reaped the same benefits we all do. Even – even Minato-san…" Sayo trailed off, having hit on the main problem. 

"I had a good time," Lisa protested weakly as the silence grew untolerable. 

"I'm happy as long as everyone else is," she said, a meagre attempt at comfort. "It was always my choice, yeah? It's always been mine. I liked being in Roselia, too. You weren't a charity case or whatever – it wasn't a sacrifice, okay?" 

Stop looking like you've just committed murder, she couldn't say, afraid she'd push Sayo further into her downward spiral. She had been too wrapped up in self-pity to realise Sayo would come away with the conclusion that Lisa had suffered trying to catch up with the rest – and that it was their fault. That they had kept her bound against her will. No wonder Yukina was angry with her, no wonder Rinko was unsympathetic. 

They were approaching the point where their paths should diverge, Lisa to the right, and Sayo straight ahead. I should return her guitar, Lisa thought guiltily. The challenge she had issued in text, in anger, only now seemed petty and unnecessarily mean. The entire sequence of events was petty and unnecessarily mean. Clearly no one had wanted Lisa to quit. Clearly Lisa herself had enjoyed her time in Roselia. It should be easy to go back as though nothing had happened, maybe with a little – entirely deserved! – grovelling from Lisa. Get everyone back together again, smooth over the edges, go back to struggling together. Playing catch up with Ako's drumming, being awash with Rinko's elaborate arrangement, falling back on Sayo's precise strumming for assurance. 

And there was Yukina. Her words, about to gush forth, suddenly evaporated in a flash of conflagration, and she had ashes on her tongue. 

"Sayo, I'm –" Lisa started. 

"Haven't you apologised enough?" Sayo interjected curtly. 

Lisa let out a dry laugh. "Right? No action talk only." 

Sayo's face contorted, her hand darting forward as if to seize Lisa, but at the last second it swept around, slicing an invisible line. "I shall return your bass. I won't stop you from quitting. I won't stop you from continuing with Roselia. Whatsoever is desireable to you, whatsoever is necessary to you, I will support it, though you may not want me. And regardless, if you would still trust me with Roselia, I promise to make Minato-san and the others understand your decision." 

Swallowing, Lisa transferred her bag to her other shoulder. It was only a repetition of her text from a few days ago, with twice the resignation. Sayo had probably meant to sound definitive, but Lisa only heard surrender. 

At length, with forced lightness, she said, "No offense, but it's better if I handle the talking. Well, if I get in another accident that makes me mute I'll take up your offer. But you can keep it for a while longer. My bass, I mean, just a bit longer. I'm going to keep yours too, at least until… just give me a bit more time. I'm not going anywhere, you know? I'm not a thief." 

Whatever else she was, Lisa would never take Roselia away from Sayo, and from Ako, and Rinko, too. 

After a moment, Sayo nodded. Her hand twitched, grasping at something. Sayo was waiting. She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, jaw tightening. She was gazing up at the top of Lisa's head, a jittery child waiting for the red light. Red light, do not cross. Red light, come close to me, wait for me. 

Right, then. Lisa carefully snaked her arm around Sayo's shoulders, barely touching the other girl, as though capturing a dying wolf. "You know what, let's change things up a bit." 

Sayo looked at her dubiously, but at least she was finally looking this way with something other than desolation. Lisa continued, "Tsugumi invited me to watch Afterglow's show this Saturday at CiRCLE, wanna come with? For old time's sake, recon on rival bands, you know. I guess it's more Yukina's weird tension thing with Ran, but it could still be… instructive." 

"Not fun?" Sayo said, glancing down at Lisa's hand hovering over her shoulder. 

"You hate fun." 

Sayo didn't quite lean into the hug, but she did allow her shoulders to slump. The corners of her lips quirked. "I do. Yes. That is, yes, I'd like to. Come with you to the show." 

If Hina's eyes were as green stars, incandescent as they pleased, Sayo's were more reflective. Under the spotlights onstage, guitar in hand and in her element, or here and now, in the quiet of a suburban evening, under the moonlight, the color of the deep sea at night. 

Green light. Lisa had a deadline. 

Even so, come the next day, when her classmates invited her to karaoke ("You're, like, in a band and we haven't hung out in forever!") Lisa couldn't resist a diversion. 

Karaoke was a stage on which characters were revealed. The girl who picked a song for the sake of putting Lisa on the spot, the girl who sat back and played with her phone all the time, the girl who didn't care she was horribly off-tune. Inasmuch as singing was the main attraction, it also seemed to be the least important component of a karaoke session. It was probably why Yukina held a special contempt for karaoke and had never set a foot into its darkened halls. 

Ah, there I go again, Lisa thought. Although maybe it was inevitable her thoughts would turn to Yukina. Inevitably, she felt the cold of the room, the emptiness in the vocalless track blaring from the speakers, the hollow ring of its striking against her classmate's tonal screaming. When she closed her eyes Sayo's blue guitar haunted the back of her eyelids. And she had done so well not thinking about Yukina or Roselia for the entire day… 

Not long after she excused herself. Lisa wandered slowly back to the nearest subway station. Dinner first, she thought, then bath, then back to the grind. 

A flash of yellow emerged from the subway entrance. A girl in Hanajo uniform, shouldering a guitar case nearly as tall as she was. The setting sun gleamed off her, casting an orange halo around her small frame. She was looking down on her phone, brows creased in frustration. 

"Yo, Chisato," Lisa greeted, carefully tapping the other girl's shoulder. 

The girl turned, actress face already set into place. "You're mis – ah, Lisa-chan." Though smiling, the actress face became even more fixed. She stowed away her phone, but not before Lisa caught a glimpse of the map app on the screen. 

"I just went to karaoke with some friends. You going somewhere?" 

"Quite," Chisato demurred. "Now if you'd excuse me – " 

"By the way, there's a livehouse that way," Lisa pointed. "Next to a meat shop. It's called Galaxy, should be hard to miss. Ah, I just saw your bass and thought of it." 

Chisato's face finally loosened, just a little bit, into a frown. "Are you making fun of me, Lisa-chan?" 

"Ahaha, sorry for coming out of nowhere. I just thought it's a bit too late to be wandering around alone, and there's no point in wasting time you could use for practice." Lisa tilted her head. "Besides, I like you, Chisato." 

Chisato snorted, quickly covering her mouth. "How smooth… very well, thank you. And in that case – if you are free this evening – would you like to come with me and teach me how to play the bass?" 

"Ahaha, even when I had both hands I wasn't very good. I'm not sure I can teach you anything." 

"Don't be so modest; the bassist of the rising Roselia couldn't possibly be completely unskilled. And even if it's true, there are things to be learned from people close to your level." 

As Chisato insisted, Lisa came with her to the livehouse she had pointed out. Chisato reserved a small studio for two hours. She set up her equipments with efficiency and began practicing in little time, telling Lisa to not spare her any criticism. 

…Which Lisa didn't do anyway, for a number of reasons. It felt rude to correct Chisato on the mistakes Lisa could easily spot – mostly missed notes – when Chisato's neatly-trimmed eyebrows twitched every time it happened. On another hand, PasuPare's style was clearly different from Roselia's, and Chisato's playing style seemed to be scripted by their choreographer. 

The latter was its own problem, too, one she would never admit aloud. Although Lisa had watched Chisato the idol charming her audience from the stage, it turned out to be different when she was the only audience present, with less than a meter between them. 

(On a third hand, Lisa wondered if it was okay to reveal PasuPare's new song to a random schmuck Chisato found off the street.) 

Half an hour or so into the session, Chisato called her out on it. "Do you underestimate me, Lisa-chan?" Over her frantic objection, Chisato said, "You haven't said anything." 

"I'm sorry, I'm not very good so there's nothing I can tell you that you don't know already." 

A small smile graced Chisato's features. Yellow light, take warning. "Now, what would Yukina-chan say to that? She's aiming for the Future World Fest, isn't she?" 

"Er, come again?" Lisa racked her brain to see if she'd mentioned it to Chisato. She might have; Yukina and Roselia were until recently her favourite topics. 

"I hope you don't think you're being useless right now. Lisa-chan, do you know what I am?" 

"Having fun, yeah," Lisa said testily. The comment about Yukina felt too much like a verbal jab. 

Chisato let out a surprised laugh that she quickly covered. "That, too. But I am an idol, yet again a different sort of musician from you. Exactly how, I'm sure you must have realised it yourself." 

Neither Hina nor Aya's Chisato-chan was ever mischievous – Lisa wondered just how many masks Chisato must have had at her disposal. Her heart twinged in sympathy thinking about it… or she would if Chisato wasn't having fun at her expense. Well, all right, Lisa was game if she was. 

"You make a lot of these movements that are, ah, disruptive to playing complicated music, but is useful to please your fans. Because you're an idol, right?" As she spoke Lisa mimicked Chisato's flourishes. Except for the flying kiss, that one was a bit too much. Lisa herself had been known to make several of these gestures in the heat of the moment, sometimes earning her Yukina's ire. 

"You're not quite right. I mean to charm my audience, and turn skeptics into fans. Just so." Chisato beamed, sparkling not quite as brightly as Aya, but it was a radiant sight, as warm as winter's sun. Them suddenly she dropped the act altogether and only the wintry air remained. "Well, that's the general idea, but I don't like mixing business with personal." 

"A–haha, that so? And which one is this?" 

Chisato peered up through her long eyelashes. Long, natural-seeming eyelashes. Lisa felt slightly envious. "Why don't you decide for yourself," she said coyly, and went back to playing. 

So that was it. In addition to being a test audience, Lisa was also there as an excuse to take a break. Although after watching Chisato make the same mistake the third time in a row, Lisa couldn't take it anymore and suggested a different fretting. 

"Your hands are relatively smaller, so you have to be more creative," Lisa said, parroting something Yukina's father had said a long time ago, back when her fingers were about the same size as Chisato's. Since she couldn't demonstrate it, with Chisato's permission Lisa carefully moved Chisato's fingers into position. Intrigued, Chisato asked the same for a few other passages, and Lisa frantically tried to deliver. At least, she thought Chisato was genuinely curious. 

"Do you know, Lisa-chan, Hina-chan has been asking about the bass lately." 

Onto the next break. Chisato's instrument was resting on a nearby stand. She had pulled out her mobile phone, and spoke while looking at the screen, but Lisa still felt her eyes on her. 

If Chisato thought Lisa was going to be… actually, what was she supposed to feel about Hina's whimsy? She answered, "Really? Her short time with Roselia must've been… what's it, boppin'?" 

"Indeed. She wanted to know what brand would be good, which effectors, what kind of sounds would be 'boppin'. It's almost as if she was interested in continuing with the bass." 

Haa, Lisa mouthed wordlessly. It was in fact the first time she'd heard about it. Chisato raised an eyebrow. "Could it be that neither Hina-chan or Yukina-chan has mentioned this to you? Unless you're playing dumb with me." 

"I, ah, uh, I'm not sure what kind of a person you think I am, or what I should've known…" Suddenly it felt as though she was waking up to a cross-examination – or in the middle of a spider's web. 

"I quote, 'Lisa-chi told me to tell you to be less vague sometimes. So as thanks for your help today, I will do just that." Chisato stowed away her phone, hands folded before her. "After all, being at the centre of the drama, you might have overlooked a few details." 

Drama. From an outsider's point of view it must seem that way, with the number of people involved vastly outpacing the actual size of the problem. Lisa wanted to die from shame. And again from saying all of that aloud. 

"Perhaps you should have thought of it before involving Hina-chan, hm?" Chisato said, absolutely merciless. Less vague indeed. 

Frowning, Lisa said, "You keep saying Hina, does she and the other PasuPare members know this side of you?" 

"If it matters to you, let's say no." Chisato smiled sweetly. It was obviously a fake smile; and it was obvious Chisato wanted Lisa to know it was fake and obvious. The Chisato she had got to know during their first outing could be incisive, but she was largely kind and inoffensive. Inoffensive, that was it. Right now it was as if she'd made it a point to invert that impression, an actress taking her public mask off – or being an actress, revealing another mask underneath it. One thing was clear, she was the very embodiment of vexing, and Lisa didn't even know why or how Chisato got under her skin, and that made it even more vexing. 

But nothing would be accomplished with taking her bait. Lisa sucked a breath through her teeth. Calmly, she said, "Honestly, if this is some ploy to provoke me into staying with Roselia, so that Hina doesn't jump ship and PasuPare gets disbanded – I'm sorry, Chisato, but not only won't it work, it doesn't make sense." 

"But doesn't it seem like something Sayo-chan or Yukina-chan would do?" Chisato said, smile widening. "Inane, but quite Romantic. You do like that sort of thing, I remember now." 

It took Lisa a second longer to remember. The Romeo and Juliet play the drama club had put up for the school culture festival. Chisato had seized Lisa's admiration to tease her, then a mere acquaintance from a one-time large group endeavour. And now as a casual acquaintance whom she'd gone out with once, she was going all out. 

Chisato held up one index finger. "Let's go back to my point. You make one crucial mistake: I don't mind if PasuPare were to disband." 

Lisa's thoughts were thoroughly scattered at this point, and she barely listened to Chisato's explanation. PasuPare weren't musicians to begin with; they weren't doing badly enough that a disbandment was inevitable, or well enough that it would be verboten. Work was work, and their other individual work seemed to have picked up. Therefore Chisato didn't mind if PasuPare were to disband. 

Lisa thought Chisato wished it would just die already, but she wasn't predisposed to think kindly of Chisato at the moment. She said, "Thanks for the insider info on the idol industry, but – " 

Suddenly Chisato was close, tugging her already loosely dangling necktie. "I'm not finished. This part is relevant to you." This part: Hina had been bored for some time; Chisato had expected her to quit sooner than later. And then like a fairy godmother Lisa came and offered her heart's desire to her. And this was where Chisato was concerned despite herself: the possibility of Hina permanently joining Roselia, or more precisely, the drama surrounding it. 

Lisa's first objection, that it would be up to Sayo, was stalled on account of Sayo's guitar still adorning her room. Her second objection flew out of her mouth. "Did Yukina really offer Hina a position in Roselia?" she said in disbelief. Against all odds, Yukina apparently still believed Lisa wasn't serious about quitting – and she doubted Yukina understood jealousy well enough to use it against her. 

Not that Lisa has ever Yukina known well. Maybe Hina fared better at never doing anything Yukina didn't ask her to do. 

"You'll have to ask her," Chisato said, "but you know Hina-chan. As long as the possibility exists she'd pursue it, even charging straight into drama." 

"You keep using that word. Do you really expect me to listen when you've been provoking me for no reason?" Lisa snapped. Her right hand grabbed Chisato's lapel. The smaller girl batted her eyelashes in amusement, grasping Lisa's tie tighter. Pulled up on one end and down on the other, somehow their eyes met on the same level. This close, the lavender scent wafting off Chisato – still, at this hour? – was cloying, adding to her ire. 

"No reason? Why, isn't it natural to want to see the real face of an actress?" 

"W-well, that's – wait, _I'm_ the actress?" Somehow she noticed she had Chisato in her grip, and abruptly released her. In a daze, she tried to fix Chisato's uniform. 

Though Chisato still held on to her tie, reeling it back like a slackened leash. Patiently, she said, "Other than that, I like you too much to see you expire for someone else's dream. And if I feel that way, imagine what the people closer to you must be thinking." 

Somehow Lisa didn't question how Chisato seemed to know so much about her. Ako, Hina – hell, even Aya – and their leaky mouths, or the superpower Chisato had in exchange for her heart. Instead, Lisa said, "What do you know about that?" 

A flash of Chisato's perfect, little white teeth. "Tell me, Lisa-chan, what am I?" 

This question again. Aside from the new names Lisa could call her in her mind, the most obvious was an idol. But no, they'd explored that already. An actress, too, seemed inadequate… Ah, former child actress, Shirasagi Chisato, that was it. An occupation one normally didn't choose for oneself. Or in other words, it was someone else's dream. Lisa couldn't relate with this – her parents were indulgent and laissez-faire, all things considered – but at Haneoka there were no shortage of students who were devastated the moment their exam scores dipped by one point. 

She summarised her thoughts to Chisato, adding with more boldness than she felt, "But I chose this for myself, you know? It might not have been my dream at the start, but I do want to go to the Future World Fest now." Wasn't it better to adopt other people's dreams rather than having none at all? But she had enough sense to realise Chisato would shoot it down easily. 

Chisato's answer was a look usually directed to a bug underfoot. "Call me when you've retrieved your brain, hm? I still owe you, after all." Then she stepped back and picked up her bass. As though nothing had passed she wrung out the last minutes of her rent time practicing Lisa's suggested fretting. 

Chisato was lucky Lisa would never have thought to repeat this conversation to anyone, or spread anonymous rumours online. She wouldn't even have to make anything up. Actress and idol Shirasagi Chisato, secretly a sadist under her Western doll-like appearances – 

**Chisato** (22:00): I had a fun and productive session today, thanks to your assistance. Please don't hesitate to contact me in the future if you need anything. 

– on second thought, she must have known Lisa would chicken out, and played her accordingly. This Lisa thought at night, in the quiet of her bedroom, staring at her contact list, finger hovering over the delete icon. She switched to LINE instead, and taking a deep breath, began typing a message for Yukina, inviting her to watch Afterglow's show this weekend. Yukina had this weird rivalry thing with Ran, and so far Lisa had never succeeded in inviting her to watch any shows (Sayo was always more receptive) but she thought she should at least try, for old time's sake. 

**Lisa** (22:43): heeey yukina are you free this weekend? wanna watch afterglow with me? and then after that we can talk 

**Yukina** (22:43): If you want to talk you can do it now. I'm not going to waste a weekend. 

**Yukina** (22:43): Are you done sulking? 

Yup, old time's sake. It seemed either Rinko hadn't talked to Yukina or… what did Lisa expect anyway, a heartfelt plea for Lisa to come back? Her skin crawled just thinking about it. She considered telling her that Sayo would be coming along, but quickly discarded the idea. Yukina wouldn't understand that kind of jealousy. In a way, her heart was still pure. It went without saying that Lisa's heart, capable of coming up with that scheme in an instant, was not. 

The weight of ten-odd years, and Rinko's comment about it being Lisa's fault Yukina didn't know how to apologise, moved her to try one more time. 

**Lisa** (22:45): come on it could be educational 

**Yukina** (22:45): If I wanted to study, I'd watch other, more competent bands. 

_There's something to be learned from people closer to your level_ , Lisa started typing, then realised she was quoting Chisato, and that Yukina still wouldn't care. She went back to staring at the ceiling. The scent and taste of lavender remained on the roof of her mouth. What did Chisato know about dreams, anyway, that shriveled husk of a teenage girl jaded before her time? For all her world-weary wisdom she left her future in the hands of a vapid girl. 

Vapid, and rotten, an overripe fruit about to burst with toxin. At the very least Chisato was correct about one thing: the sooner and more definitive Lisa made her decision the better, before even more people were involved. 

_Hey, Chisato, what's my reward for granting your heart's desire?_ Although that one she didn't send. Her heart's undesire seemed more appropriate – this much Lisa understood about Chisato and their strange connection. In the end Lisa probably pitied Chisato more than anything else. Chisato didn't mind if PasuPare were to disband, she had said with the unruffled air of resignation. Didn't mind that the only path left to her was the drudgery her parents had set her on and she didn't know how to leave. 

At the same time a voice much like Chisato's laughed in her head. It couldn't be that acting was much more lucrative than the idol business, could it? And who could guarantee Yukina would take Hina, or that Hina would join Roselia without Sayo? Really, Lisa-chan, what use was there in pitying me? Worry about yourself. 

Shaking off the image of Chisato's perfect, little white teeth, Lisa picked up her phone and started typing a message. 

**Lisa** (23:00): You're welcome! Somehow I still like you, let's meet again soon! Actually there's also something I'd like your opinion on, if you have the time? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Hidamari Rhodonite.
> 
> This part probably has the least recycled contents. The cake Sayo and Tsugumi tried making is one of the cakes Lisa mentioned (jokingly) when Sayo asked her what to make next in the Sayo's Sweets Classroom card. Chisato asking Lisa for a bass lesson comes from Lisa's second 4* pure card. Fukuzawa Yukichi is the man on the 10,000-yen bill, while the 48th ronin is a stray reference to the historical 47 ronin. Outside of Kaoru, Rinko makes the most Western cultural references. And Chisato, I figured, as an actress would probably come up against European Romanticism at some point.


	6. Ever painful, ever believing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night of cats and fireflies. Spring is over, summer has come.
> 
> (Why) Are you fully devoted?

Lisa would never say this to anyone, especially Yukina, but: Afterglow's show had barely more than half of Roselia's audience. The difference was immediately palpable when she walked into the show hall, and only almost ran into a thickset middle-aged man in traditional wear because he was determined to stay in the darkest corner. Otherwise she was free to choose her own space. 

… Well, not that freely. She almost ran into another viewer while wandering aimlessly. A tug on her right hand saved her just in time. 

"Please watch where you're going," admonished a familiar voice. 

"Ahaha, but I have you for that," Lisa said, sticking her tongue out. "Thank you, Sayo." 

Still frowning, Sayo wordlessly slid to flank Lisa's left side. Lisa smiled to herself, and obediently followed Sayo to her favoured spot, to the left and slightly at the back. The uncle in traditional clothes at the back ducked his head as they passed — Papa was right, middle-aged men really did stick out like a sore thumb in this crowd. 

Since there was some time, Lisa pulled out her phone. "I'm telling Tsugumi we're here," she said, feeling Sayo's questioning gaze. "And Moca, and Ran, and Himari, and Tomoe — what?" 

Sayo quickly smothered her smile. "I doubt they'd have the time to check their phones before a show." 

"You mean, Roselia doesn't, buzzkill." Lisa put her phone away, thinking. "Do you want to stay after and talk to them?" 

The conflict playing in Sayo's eyes was plain as day when you knew how to look for it. Hesitantly, she said, "If you would like to, I suppose it wouldn't be amiss." 

So she had invited chivalrous Sayo tonight. Lisa gave it another thought. "Mm… maybe next time." 

Then why did you ask, said Sayo's arched eyebrow. "I am… building up courage," was Lisa's cryptic answer. Building up courage, soaking up the atmosphere, although with this side of the stage there would be endless opportunities later. The view from the other side, on stage, with expectations staring back from the darkness before, and expectations — demands — from the childhood friend slightly to the side and inside the skull, on the other hand. 

How would it feel with four-fold of the same? thought Lisa as Afterglow entered the stage. The lights dimmed. It's showtime. 

Right off the bat it was obvious how different Afterglow was to Roselia. The members were smiling — at each other, at the audience (Moca directed a particularly shit-eating grin in Lisa's direction). Their playing style was what Yukina would call sloppy, and Lisa was fairly certain was ad-libbed — and yet somehow they meshed together. 

Well, why not? They had eyes for each other, always. Ready to catch each other, and cover each other's failings, always. Meanwhile in Roselia, suppose one fell behind — well, one never fell behind in Roselia; it just didn't happen. Yukina never looked back. She shouldn't have to. Lisa understood that; she thought she didn't begrudge Yukina her single-minded purpose. As the arena erupted in fervor Lisa felt a flash of all-consuming rage that left her cold. 

* * *

"It was… not too bad," Sayo said. True to her words, Lisa had dragged her outside once the it was over. Ad-libbing, they were seated at their usual place in the family restaurant, facing an order of large french fries. Lisa's treat, returning Sayo's treat from way back when. 

When Sayo had protested, Lisa had briskly said, "This is for keeping your guitar hostage." The brief silence that followed was regrettable. It turned out to be a slightly lonely place with just the two of them. 

"Afterglow takes an entirely different approach from Roselia," Sayo said, after whittling the french fries down to half. Incomparable, she was saying, with all the accidental diplomatic condescension that entailed. The diplomatic part was accidental; the condescension was just Roselia's Hikawa Sayo talking. 

(Another thing Lisa would never tell anyone: that Sayo did tap her foot to Afterglow's tune, but it had been Pastel Palettes' calls she'd memorised by heart.) 

"Sure, sure. But it was so fun! Like, Moca zipping and zapping to cover for the other's slips, or, or! Tomoe kept pumping harder with each song, like, that girl just couldn't get tired. And Ran was just different on stage, like she was a different person altogether. Kinda like Yukina, yeah? Yukina'd freak out if I told her that, though. Ran, too. I mean, Afterglow isn't, ah, slick the way Roselia does it, but I think it works for them." 

Sayo made a noise from the base of her throat, probably appreciating the junk food. She took a gulp off her cola, frowning, jaw tightening. Three, two, one, cue tough question. "Did you find what you were looking for?" 

"Ah," Lisa said, taking her second bite of the night, and then another. More stalling. "How did you know?" 

"I paid attention." Sayo rested her chin on her hand, smirking. Lisa could never mistake her for Hina like this, sharp, and radiant with the self-satisfaction of having worked hard on her knowledge. It wasn't that Sayo wasn't without her pride – actually the opposite – but one year ago Lisa wouldn't have imagined seeing her be this smug over interpersonal matters. 

"Ahaha… ha, well, I was hoping for… I don't know, a reference? Inspiration? It's really pathetic when I said it aloud." 

"There's no point in comparing yourselves to Afterglow. They have their own circumstances, you and Minato-san have yours." 

"You'd know all about that," Lisa grumbled. 

Sayo glared ever so slightly. "Yes, I do. As I recall, you yourself often chide me for comparing myself to Hina." 

Lisa stared at her hand on the table, the useless one. She was doing it again, provoking Sayo into kicking Lisa out of Roselia. The first time she hadn't understood Sayo as well as she'd thought. And now, having seen her loyalty demonstrated time again, this was how she'd repaid her. Maybe Lisa and Yukina weren't so different in that regard. 

Her phone rang just then — Chisato? Lisa excused herself and picked up the call. A dog barked noisily through the line, while Chisato alternated between scolding the dog and apologising to Lisa. _"Down, boy. I'm sorry, Leon seems to have spotted a squirrel. Is this a good time?"_

Somehow the idea that Chisato could have lived such a mundane life as owning a dog who chased squirrels — and then called Lisa while walking said dog — had never crossed her mind. In that case, the encounter in that downtown studio wasn't just a fever dream her mind cooked up to clear her writer's block. In that case Lisa had bared her soul — writing — to Shirasagi Chisato, of all people. 

In that case, she was bound by the deal with the devil to answer. "Don't worry, it's just Sayo. What's up?" 

Lisa could see Chisato's mischievous grin, superimposed over Sayo's dubious frown. _"Well then, I won't take you away from Sayo-chan too long. I've sent my comments, but I thought I'd also call you."_

"O-oh, thanks, really, thanks a lot, you must've been so busy." Lisa had honestly thought Chisato would have pretended to never receiving her message. Alas, she had no such luck. 

Chisato's laughter was sonorous like tinkling bells. _"It didn't take up much of my time. Don't worry, Lisa-chan, you're getting exactly what you asked for."_

A gently-worded verbal evisceration? Lisa thought. Although it was true she had asked for, not in so much words, the closest approximation to Yukina's exacting standard, present company excluded. She couldn't help the slight edge in her voice, answering, "That's reassuring, Chisato. Still, thank you! Now we're even." 

_"Oh, no, not until you've done your part, at least. Let me know how it goes. Don't get cold feet now, Lisa-chan."_ Leon started barking again just before the line cut off. Lisa fiddled with her phone and found the notification for Chisato's mail. She immediately turned off the display, put the phone down. 

Sayo was watching her with naked worry. "Was that Shirasagi-san? Is she giving you trouble?" 

"Nonono, just the opposite… but you're gonna have to tell me what's up between you." 

"There is nothing to tell, only that once I rebuked Matsubara-san much too hideously for arriving late." Sayo stirred her cola. "But I have no issues with Shirasagi-san. She watches over Hina for professional reasons, and Hina, heaven knows why, likes her enough to invite her to stay over twice." 

There was so many things to unpack Lisa didn't know where to begin. "Chisato is… nice in her own way," she said, which was true enough, in the way a bag of rotten oranges was also a bag of fruits. "You know, the way the witch feeds Hansel — er, actually, forget about that." 

That seemed to worry Sayo more than less. Lisa picked up her phone once again. All she could think of was Chisato's perfect little teeth, and the despair clinging to them like plague when she spoke of dreams. On one hand she understood Chisato's concern, magnificently projected as it was. On the other hand, Lisa didn't have a dream of her own, and any dream would do. Riding on Yukina's dream for the Future World FES seemed to work well enough for Sayo. 

Although Sayo had changed lately, not so much in course as motivation. From avoiding Hina to confronting her, to making an effort to fixing their relationship, to their mysterious promise that enabled her to play in the same band as Hina. 

As soon as the thought struck her, she blurted the question. What was it, anyway? 

"Still comparing yourself to another, I see," Sayo said, the corners of her lips quirking slightly. "And this time I'm your study object. Well, I don't mind. After all, you helped make it come true. Hina and I had made a promise to one day play on the same stage. To be sure, we had meant it as guitarists, but… on that day, I stood on the same stage, side by side with Hina… I could put my envy aside." 

Her voice actually faded halfway through the admission. Embarrassed at taking pride on such a minuscule thing, or ashamed she couldn't get rid of her envy entirely? Knowing Sayo, it was probably both. "Hey, that's a good thing, isn't it? Now you know that you can do it, so the next time — er, what's next, anyway?" 

What lies beyond a dream? The same dream, but bigger, apparently. Sayo mumbled something that sounded like 'a collaboration between PasuPare and Roselia', casting fleeting glances at Lisa as though expecting her to laugh. All Lisa said was, "That's great," because any more and everything would come to surface. Envy, jealousy, despair, all those ugly feelings, all the why nots and why couldn'ts. 

_Don't get cold feet now, Lisa-chan._ Imagining Chisato's all-knowing stare at the back of her head, Lisa lifted her phone and started typing. 

"Imai-san, are you taking a picture?" Sayo said, suddenly self-conscious. Holding the phone so that Sayo couldn't see her face also had the effect of pointing the camera at her. 

"Nooo — but I'll snap one right now. Sayo and her beloved fries. Say ah!" 

"You're incorrigible." 

"And I'll send it to Yukina — Sayo, come on, I'm just joking. Unless you do want — " 

"No." 

" — although I did send Yukina something else. Here, my camera roll for proof." 

Grumbling that Lisa could have deleted them, Sayo nonetheless indulged her. As she scrolled up, her eyes rounded, which meant she must have arrived at the stock of fluffy animal photos Lisa'd saved for occasions like this. 

"Ah, Minato-san," Sayo muttered. 

"Hm? Ooh, the embarrassing photo of her birthday party she made me promise to delete with prejudice?" 

"That's… derelict of you, but there was a message — ah, here's another one — from 'Yukinya', who I assumed must be Minato-san, and it mentioned Hina?" 

True enough, there were unread messages from Yukina. 

**Yukina** : I'm at the usual park. 

**Yukina** : Hina is also here. Come quickly. 

"Huh. That's an unexpected development," Lisa commented after reading the short texts aloud, watching for Sayo's reaction, but the latter simply shrugged, and asked if Lisa wanted to meet Yukina. "'Course I do. And so do you." 

"I — beg your pardon?" 

"Well, don't you need to pick Hina up at least?" 

"Hina," Sayo said huffily, "is not a kindergartener. Although it wouldn't hurt if she'd act more her age." 

That lamentation stuck with Lisa on the way from the family restaurant to Yukina's cat park. What counted as acting their age? Having silly conversations that went nowhere, hanging out with stray cats in a public park in the evening, joining a band, becoming an idol. Ceasing the last two for any number of reasons, including a change in the weather, as fickle as autumn's wind. 

Yukina's favourite cat park was closer to the Hikawas' house than hers and Lisa's. That put it within walking distance from the family restaurant. It was quiet, broken only by the occasional rustling of the paper bag containing Hina's share of fries. The silence was actually unbearable — Lisa felt butterflies in her stomach not unlike the ones she got before a show. It was just Yukina, her neighbour of ten-odd years, the first and best friend she'd made in this town, the somehow-charismatic leader of a band she loved… 

The silence was unbearable, therefore as usual Lisa rambled the first thing that came to her mind. "So Rinko said something interesting, you know, in the cafe. I don't know if you heard us." 

"What I have is perfect pitch, not super hearing." Sayo tilted her head, smug as a cat in the dark. This was Sayo in her element. 

"That's a fancy way to say no, but anyway…" Lisa recapped Rinko's speech as best as she could. 

Sayo nodded, tilting her head the other way. "No, you're right to not worry about Shirokane-san. I think she means to stay in Roselia as long as she wills it. Furthermore, if I'm understanding it right, she means to be more proactive." 

Lisa sighed, feeling a knot she hadn't known loosened. "If I'd known all it took was quitting — " 

"Imai-san," Sayo said in a low voice. 

"You know what else Rinko said? That because I've always smoothened things over Yukina doesn't know how to apologise." 

"Minato-san is not a child, neither are you her mother. You — Ah!" The noise Sayo made was close enough to a growl that Lisa turned her head anxiously. "In the end everything is still about Minato-san, isn't it?" 

Sayo glared with impenetrable green eyes, lips curled back, exposing sharp, uneven teeth. Lisa remembered this Sayo from the time Ako unintentionally pushed her Hina-related buttons, or the night they broke Roselia. This time Lisa felt strangely calm. Maybe she'd become used to Sayo's various moods. 

"Would you believe me if I said it's not?" 

"No." 

Oh no, Sayo was pouting. Lisa bit her lip to stem a giggle. Very seriously, she said, "It's like this… Roselia is — look, the name, the logo, even the aesthetics, even the dream of reaching the Future World FES. You could say that it's become something all five of us share, but they were all Yukina's first. You could — you could take Yukina out of Roselia, and I still wouldn't be able to see it as anything else. 

"Ahaha, I guess put that way it still looks like it's oriented on Yukina. Which it probably is, but, the origin point's changed, if that makes sense?" 

"It doesn't," Sayo said. Her shoulders seemed to be bearing an invisible boulder. "And why are you telling me this? Nothing has changed except for the lie you tell yourself." 

_Because you promised to support me, dumbass._ But even Sayo had her limits; she probably felt like Lisa was leading her on. She'd also probably be majestically wroth if Lisa tried to apologise. Even so, a bitter laugh escaped her mouth. "It's like music, isn't it, why else do we play in front of an audience? Maybe I just want to be heard." 

To be heard, to be understood, to be acknowledged, and those other such basic needs. Musicians were humans, too. And if either Sayo or Yukina disagreed that was what music should be, well, Lisa was beginning to think there were an infinite possibilities for music to be. 

"It hurts that you think I'm lying, but I can't really blame you," Lisa said lightly. 

Making the same growling noise, Sayo stormed off… exactly one pace ahead. "The park's on the next left turn," Lisa called as Sayo was about to walk past it. 

Although there was no need to warn her — the sounds of an acoustic guitar could be heard from their destination. The notes were familiar. They should be familiar — it was a medley of Roselia's songs haphazardly flowing from one song's phrase into another as it pleased. 

And so they found Yukina and Hina sitting side by side on a bench, the latter strumming and humming while the former seemed to be doing her best to ignore Hina while concentrating on the paper on her lap. 

"Hina! What are you doing with my guitar?" 

Abruptly Hina stopped and stood, waving with one hand. "Yukina-chan wanted to write a song but she couldn't make headway without your guitar, so I'm helping her!" 

"I never asked, and you're definitely not helping," said Yukina. 

"Okay, so Yukina-chan is trying to write while I happen to be playing in the same area." 

Yukina just shook her head and turned back to Lisa. "On that note, Sayo, how did Lisa's bass come to be in your hands, and vice versa? Is that why neither of you have come to rehearsals lately?" 

Lisa stared at Yukina in disbelief. So did Sayo. Ever helpful, Hina said, "That matching whaaa face means it's more complicated than that, Yukina-chan." 

Yukina crossed her arms, pen tapping against her elbow. "Normally I don't care what sort of affairs you two are carrying on — " 

"Affairs?" Sayo said, ears dangerously red. "The only affair going on here is your willful ignorance of Imai-san's plight!" 

"What's wrong with Lisa-chi?" 

"Nothing, Lisa sometimes gets caught up in her own drama. Except now she's dragged Sayo with her. Sayo, if you have issues with me, just say it." 

Chisato's voice in one ear, Yukina's in another, in stereo the word drama resounded within Lisa. But, but, but. Yukina was also a hypocrite. Even Yukina should have noticed Sayo was more belligerent than usual. And Sayo needed only one push to do something she'd regret later. 

_Don't get cold feet now, Lisa-chan._ Don't worry, Chisato, Lisa thought, I'm fired up now, like, completely burned out. 

Before she could think it through, Lisa started shouting. "You know what, to hell with you, all of you! Yukina, stop being stubborn and admit you miss Sayo! And Sayo, stop trying to help me! I don't need your help!" 

"Hey hey hey, what about me?" 

In response Lisa took the guitar from Hina's hand and returned it to its owner in exchange for french fries. Then Lisa dragged her away from the other two. Lisa shoved Hina and herself behind a stack of giant PVC pipes, out of sight, and hopefully out of mind. 

Her knees gave away and she slid down the pipes, stopping short of a squat. "Augh, I can't believe I said that," she lamented. How was she supposed to show her face to Yukina or Sayo after this? 

"Really? Doesn't _gyaru_ mean deep down you're all 'rawr, eff society'? Hey, hey, is this all for me?" Lisa nodded absently. Hina helped herself to the portion Sayo had bought for her. Soon Lisa lost Hina to junk food. 

Listless, Lisa took out her phone and turned at last to Chisato's critique. It was, surprisingly, not as acrid as it could have been. In hindsight borrowing Chisato's eyes and ears was about as wise as asking a fellow monoglot to proofread a Chinese essay. _It needs a coda_ , she'd said, as though most songs weren't infinitely loopable. 

From the other side, she could hear whispers, interspersed with guitar. The speed of this development had her impressed, and amused, and forlorn at turns. See, Yukina and Sayo's bond was made of sterner stuff; see, without Lisa they would never have fought in the first place. Although maybe she had been wrong on the last part. Sayo had insisted up and down it wasn't true, and Yukina had seemed livid when she had denounced Sayo. Lisa was forced to conclude their quarrel had been genuine. But instead of clearing things up, the realisation sank like a concrete block. It only made obvious how eagerly Yukina sought Sayo, how easily they had patched their relationship, even though they'd only known each other in less than a year, even though they barely had anything together outside of music. 

"You know, I thought you'd be happier." 

Brooding, Lisa hadn't noticed Hina until their noses almost touched. Lisa just barely kept herself from shrieking. Hina grinned, nodding to herself. "I know! You're feeling the same thing as me." 

"Er, what's this about?" 

Hina jerked her thumb in the opposite direction. Together they peeked around the pipes as though observing a pair of skittish rare beasts. Sayo and Yukina had their heads together, or as close as these two got, together completely absorbed in music talk. Again Lisa felt her throat burn, and not with joy. Again she didn't notice Hina watching her closely. 

"Aha, like that! Ahahaha, this new side of you is boppin', too. You're wishing that's you with Yukina-chan, right? I totally get it!" 

Lisa opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish. Having her feelings exposed so bluntly, and completely without judgement, took the winds out of her. Finally, she found her wits. "You're jealous of Yukina?" 

"Of course! Onee-chan's only this shameless with music, you know? And it's only with Yukina-chan. Oh, but Chisato-chan said — " 

That damned Chisato again, was Lisa to be forever haunted by her words? Lisa only pretended to listen. Hina was wrong; they were different. There was nothing ugly about the way Hina spoke of enjoying every tiny step of progress. And Hina's jealousy, if it was that, was confined. Now that one part of it was bared, Lisa was very conscious of her envy for Hina: Sayo _wanted_ to make amends. But Hina was also right. Lisa was jealous of Sayo, who had been nothing but kind and patient. She knew wretched couldn't even begin to describe her. 

Her back felt stiff from leaning against concrete for so long. Hina had since wandered away, having lost interest. Only the wind and the chill of the night stayed with Lisa, nipping on her bare shoulders. What am I doing here, Lisa wondered. Her part was done. She had reunited Roselia's core personalities, now lost in their own world. They wouldn't even notice if she walked directly past. 

Lisa slowly rose to her feet. At the same time she heard scratching noise from inside the pipe. On such a night she didn't think of ghosts, and peered inside. Bright, yellow eyes like searchlight shone out of the darkness at her. The cat slowly poked its fluffy head out. Gray and well-groomed, it regarded Lisa calmly. The collar and tag on its neck suggested a housecat. It really was a handsome cat; for some reasons it reminded Lisa of her childhood friend. Lisa reached out a hand to pet it. 

The cat hissed. At the same time she felt pain on her palm and fingers. Lisa squeaked, more surprised than pained, but the spell had been broken all the same. In an instant the sounds of music stopped and Sayo was at her side. 

"I'm fine, the cat just surprised me," Lisa said, trying to hide her hand. Sayo frowned at said cat, leisurely leaping off the pipe and walking away. Then she gently snatched Lisa's wrist and pried her hand open. Blood slowly welled over the three red angry lines. 

Hina popped her head over Sayo's shoulder. "Doesn't look too deep," she commented. 

"Even so," Sayo muttered. She took out a handkerchief. Telling Lisa to stay quiet and still, Sayo wrapped it around her palm as a makeshift bandage. "Even though you didn't want my help," Sayo said, so quietly Lisa didn't know if she was meant to hear it. 

The cat purred, interrupting anything Lisa might have said. Lisa had forgotten about it already, but it seemed to have settled into Yukina's arms snug and content. Yukina turned around, cradling the cat. 

"Apologise to Lisa." Yukina puppeteered the cat into an on-air _dogeza_. Doing so, she also seemed to be bowing, saying, "Sorry, Lisa." 

Hina doubled over with laughter. "Yukina-chaaan, it's a cat! Look, you made Lisa-chi cry." 

"Lisa cries over everything," Yukina groused, though her cheeks were red. She let the cat go and took out her handkerchief. Lisa protested weakly as Yukina dabbed the one, two stray tears — okay, maybe she was crying. Yukina might not know how to apologise, but it didn't seem to have stopped her from trying. 

"You're embarrassing me in front of Hina and Sayo," she said. 

"I'm sure Sayo's seen you look worse," said Yukina, staring oddly at Sayo. 

Sayo cleared her throat and waved a hand before Hina's sparkling eyes, stalling her twin's invasive questions. "More importantly, Imai-san should have her hand seen to." 

"I can take care of that later," Lisa said quickly. "No, really, listen, this is about Roselia." 

Having said the magic word, both members froze, hanging to her words. And Lisa had said it impulsively, too. Chisato would laugh at her if she'd known. "There's a session tomorrow, right? There usually is." 

"You'll come?" The faint hope in Yukina's voice was painful to listen to. 

Meeting Sayo's questioning gaze, Lisa nodded. She turned her right hand, still cradled in Sayo's palm like a piece of glass. "Sayo will come, too, won't you?" 

Sayo exhaled, shoulders falling. Resigned more than relaxed, but at last she returned Lisa's grip. "Of course. As will Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san." 

Somewhere in Lisa's chest another knot unraveled. 

* * *

"So things are okay with Sayo now?" 

Yukina had insisted on entering Lisa's house with her. To help her with caring for her hand, she had said. Because Lisa had already been so careless with one hand, she had more or less said. Because a bassist's hands were her most important assets. 

Without those, what am I to you? Lisa kept the question in the back of her head. She knew the answer; forcing Yukina to admit it to herself would only be cruel. Yukina was, after all, not a heartless person. She had only locked her heart a long time ago, and thrown away the key. 

Yukina frowned in concentration. On the table in the living room there were the bottle of antiseptic alcohol and used washclothes, more antibiotics and bandages, and also the entire emergency kit Lisa's mother kept around. This was Yukina's battle, so Lisa obediently sat on her metaphorical hands. And stuck her nose where it wasn't wanted, as was her lot. 

"It was a trivial matter to begin with," Yukina said, just as her silence went on long enough for Lisa to think they were still on a time out. With a determined press of her lips, she held the roll of bandages in both hands. "So… you and Sayo…" She trailed off, putting down the bandage roll. 

Lisa gritted her teeth. The cuts weren't terribly deep, but they still stung as Yukina applied the antibiotics on them. "Yeah, that. Sayo was around at the time, so I kinda asked her first. So, what, I should've mentioned that, and maybe you'd have come?" 

"Were you paying attention the first time? It was my time to write a song. Afterglow has nothing to offer." Now Yukina finally started with the bandages. 

"You're always writing a song." 

"If you have something to say, just say it." 

Lisa smiled, not that Yukina could see it, focused as she was on wrapping Lisa's hand in a kind of bandage mitten. "Are you sure? That's a lot of things. Everything and nothing you don't have the time for. Hey," Lisa said urgently, staring until Yukina looked up. "Ask me." 

Last time the excuse had been giving Lisa space. This time Yukina only met her gaze for a moment before saying, "You've always done everything without my asking for it, I'm not going to ask you to do anything you don't want to do." 

And why not, she wanted to ask. What Lisa wanted to do might not always be right, or good. At the very least, in her place, Lisa would have wanted to know the reason. Though she was thinking like Imai Lisa there. Minato Yukina, now, the person her childhood friend had grown into. The songbird who had crawled into a cage, locked it and swallowed the key. But she didn't think this part of Yukina had ever changed. Then and now, Yukina would never hesitate to pursue anything she deemed important. 

So maybe Lisa's reason didn't matter to her. It wasn't that Lisa had never known her place, or where they stood with each other. She thought she had made peace with it. But Roselia changed people. It had changed Rinko, Ako, and especially Sayo, even Yukina to an extent. And seeing as Yukina had changed, Lisa must have gotten ahead of herself. Thinking maybe she'd had her friend back, maybe she could rely on Yukina a little. Roselia had changed her, too, even if it wasn't for the better. 

Still, as she inspected her sloppily bandaged palm, she couldn't help remembering last week's event. Not long after breaking Yukina's precious band, Lisa had tried to recreate their childhood, and Yukina had responded. 

"Say, Yukina, do you remember that movie you really, really loved back in third grade, with the flashing lights?" 

Sitting on Lisa's father's reading armchair, Yukina answered immediately. "It's how fireflies find each other. For the very short time they're alive fireflies dance a pattern only their own kind would recognise. In the movie, in the same way the protagonists found each other, by turning up the same pattern." She paused, peering at Lisa for some reasons. "You didn't understand it in third grade. Last week you still didn't." 

_But I did._ Lisa might not have known the meaning, but she had understood well enough. Yukina had answered, had deliberately missed matching Lisa's signal, knowing that Lisa wouldn't understand her message. Surely it couldn't be anything other than her heart's desire. And then she turned around and did things like treating Lisa's wound. Lisa supposed it was in Yukina's nature to act on anything that would interfere with music. But not thinking about other people, that would take too much precious brain power away from music. 

_Can you blame a cat for not apologising for attacking you — for being a cat, Lisa-chan?_ But the cat did apologise, Lisa protested to her shoulder Chisato. Was made to apologise, she corrected. The cat was made to apologise without understanding what it had done wrong, and without wanting to understand. 

_Damn it, Sayo._ Immediately she apologised in her head. It wasn't Sayo's fault. It wasn't even Yukina's fault. It was always just Lisa and her expectations. She had cried once tonight, now she was just left with the bone-weary fatigue. 

The clock chimed eleven times. Lisa came to her senses. It was late, even if Yukina could practically crawl across her balcony to get home. Lisa still had a coda to write. And she still hadn't thanked Yukina. Lisa did so. "Look, Yukina, now I have a matching pair!" she said, waving both hands. 

"That's not funny." Though there was some measure of relief in Yukina's voice. What for, exactly, Lisa no longer cared to guess. 

"Ahaha, well, it's just, you know, I still don't understand that light dance stuff. I'm only human, after all. Compared to fireflies we must've an eternity, and an infinite ways to communicate. Like, say, with a song." 

Yukina tilted her head. Lisa continued, "I've been writing a song, since I haven't been able to play. I'll show everyone tomorrow, if you'd like." 

"That's great that you haven't been wasting your time recovering, but I'll have to see if it's up to Roselia's standard." 

Lisa grinned, giving her a thumbs up with her left hand. "Of course, I wouldn't expect anything less." 

Yukina would understand music if nothing else — no, Yukina would understand music better than anything else. That much Lisa could rely on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Re:birthday. And now, for real, the next one is the last one.


	7. Thousands upon thousands unto eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa finally gets to perform with Roselia.
> 
> Were you fully devoted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to la_comtesse for beta-reading the last two chapters. All remaining mistakes are my own. As usual Lisa's POV is not necessarily accurate.

"Good morning! And good morning to Leon, too." 

The dog's bark nearly ruptured her eardrums, as if Chisato had moved the phone closer to his snout. _"You sound lively today, Lisa-chan, very springy."_

"Ahaha, high-strung, yeah? Anyway, sorry to interrupt your morning walk with Leon." 

_"That depends on what this is about, doesn't it?"_

It was Sunday morning, and the sky was clear. A fine weather for walking a good dog, or making idle chats over the phone, or catching up with the highschool drama next door. Lisa could see Chisato's mischievous grin in her mind, so she picked all of the above. 

"I heard from Aya that you liked trying out new cafes. There's one recently opened up in Meguro that a friend said is to die for, wanna give it a shot?" 

_"A delightful prospect, but unfortunately I will be busy in the short-term."_

"Aw, that's a shame," Lisa said, surprising herself with how much she'd meant it. 

Chisato's laughter was a staccato, as if taken by surprise as well. _"My dear, you're very easy. Well, how about this? Today I'm meant to practice with my instructor, but he's suddenly unavailable."_

"So you want me to…" 

_"Lisa-chan, there's no point in moving forward unless you do so with conviction."_

"Okaaay, I feel like you've been working a script on me, like, the cryptic immortal mentor or an _oni_ inexplicably masquerading as a highschool girl." 

Chisato laughed again, a puff of childish glee. _"CiRCLE at three o'clock, that is, if you'd like to know."_

They exchanged a considerably normal goodbyes after that, Leon not wanting to be left out. Lisa contemplated, not for the first time, the strange upbringing of child actors, seemingly in another world entirely, manifested in their otherworldly apparition when they descended into the world of men. No doubt hanging out with Kaoru was starting to have its effects on Lisa, too. 

Thus minutes passed in which she was completely distracted. Then a message came from Ako asking if she needed help, and Lisa returned to the real world. She texted Ako. Next was reassuring Sayo's guitar was in its case, whole and in the condition it had come to her. Then downstairs, the bag of cookies she had prepared the previous day. And finally, outside, where Yukina was waiting. Lisa blinked in surprise. 

The hem of her skirt swishing above her knees, Yukina said, "You really do have Sayo's guitar." 

"Oh, is that why you're waiting for me, making sure it gets to Sayo safe and sound?" Lisa regretted the barb as soon as it left her mouth. She was supposed to be past sulking. The time for pettiness was past. 

Yukina's eyes narrowed. "Are you… jealous? Of Sayo? Of all people, Sayo?" 

Now it was Lisa's turn to stare at Yukina. Yukina hadn't meant it maliciously, of course, and Lisa was well aware she was no match for Sayo — she didn't have music running in her veins. But still. Even so. Did Yukina have to sound that incredulous? All while still missing the point. This was also Lisa's fault, probably. 

The moment passed, and with a cooler head, Lisa said, "Maybe. Just a little. But it'd be unfair to Sayo, so that's as far as it goes." 

Yukina hummed, unsatisfied with the answer, but said nothing as she extended her hand. Lisa ignored it. If it was Lisa's fault Yukina didn't know how to apologise — to Lisa specifically, she hoped, because the alternative would've been too devastating – then who knew what else was also her fault. Either way, they still had some time before they were due at CiRCLE. 

"So I realise this is sort of silly with me speaking to you right now, but let's say it's someone else, someone you actually care about. I really hope you wouldn't ignore them when they were upset." 

Yukina's lips thinned into a single line. "I've told you multiple times — " 

"And I said this isn't about me. Just forget about my drama or whatever, it's all in my head anyway. I'm worried about you, okay? I'm never not. I'm sorry if you don't want me to worry, so this'll be the last time. Next time someone is upset with you, _ask them_. If you care about them don't you want to know why, to defend yourself, or you know, to make it up to them?" 

Try to change? Oh no, that would be a step too far. Yukina continued staring at her as though she'd sprouted an extra head. At length, tentatively, she said, "If you're upset with me then surely I must have deserved it." 

"I just said — okay, fine, whatever, let's just go!" 

Whether Yukina didn't believe she deserved others' kindness, or found friendship a burden, it all looked the same to Lisa. It was starting to look like she couldn't leave Yukina alone. And at the same time she couldn't unsee all the things Yukina had done wrong, rightly or not, all her imperfections, all her near-misses. It couldn't be her disposition, Lisa thought — Sayo could get over herself and reach out, so why couldn't Yukina? 

… The real Sayo would have rebuked her. Imai-san, stop comparing people, don't be a hypocrite, and so on. Haven't you decided to move forward, and so forth. Her guitar pressed on Lisa's back, pushing her ever forward. Lisa spent the entire journey in an uncharacteristic silence that Yukina didn't comment on. Yukina had always preferred silence anyway. 

Even though she'd visited the place just last night, there was a different air surrounding CiRCLE with a guitar on her back. Unconsciously she stopped, breathing everything in. 

"Lisa?" 

She shook her head. "Nothing. I've just missed this place, you know?" 

Yukina's lips twitched, probably thinking, ah, there goes Lisa being a sentimental mush again. Little things like these that made Lisa waver. 

She let Yukina handle the booking. Marina didn't bother hiding her relief that Roselia was coming back; Lisa turned her back to them and drank in the atmosphere of the lobby. In a way it was like coming back to her elementary school. 

She followed Yukina into their reservation. Thanks to the trick of the soundproofed room, once the door was closed behind them it felt like they were isolated from the rest of the world. Just like that Yukina seemed to be transformed, gaining a definition, a sharpness that became blurred in the outside world. Then on a stage, she would shine like a star. 

"You're spacing out again." 

"Ahaha, sorry." 

Yukina fixed a stern eye on her. "You're aware there's no need for you to be here when you're still not yet fully recovered." 

"I know," Lisa said, setting down the bag of cookies on a small table. The guitar case she handed to Yukina. 

Peeking around the case, Yukina said, "If you think I wanted you to force yourself to come here, forget about it." 

That old issue again. _Is it so hard to look beyond yourself, Yukina?_ Although in all fairness Lisa had never given her any reason to think otherwise. Like a wild flower, Lisa's smile bloomed. "Don't worry about that. Anyway, this isn't for you. It's for Roselia. Which also includes you and me, so maybe it's for you after all?" 

Thanks to their long acquaintance nothing about Lisa seemed to faze Yukina anymore. But this once she stared unblinking, as though looking at an alien. 

The door opened, breaking the studio's hermetical seal. Chiefly it was Ako greeting Lisa with a wail. 

"It's been so awkward without you and Sayo-san!" 

Lisa patted her head, there, there. "Wait, wait, did you end up practicing after all, just the three of you?" 

Ako twiddled her fingers. "W-well, Sayo-san said we should keep practicing with whatever members we have, because we need to keep Roselia's sound alive, but it really wasn't the same without either of you." 

There, there, Lisa soothed with a fixed grin, all the while desperately not looking at the innocent hope thrust in her face. Rinko, on the other hand, seemed keen on avoiding her eye. Inadvertently her gaze fell on Sayo, who remained standing at the back with her arms crossed. Probably because most of her energy went to keeping a poker face. 

This performance, really, truly, all for these people? It was one of Lisa's better lies yet, to almost deceive herself. 

"Imai-san." 

Sayo seized her right arm with both hands. Expression grave and voice low, she said, "Good luck." Then as Lisa blinked she withdrew and nonchalantly greeted Yukina. 

Yukina looked at the overhead clock and called, "Shall we begin? I believe Lisa had something to say." When Lisa was paralysed with a sudden attack of the conscience, Yukina elaborated, "Your new song." 

"Oh. Oh! Right! I'll — wait, Sayo, hang on to my bass for a bit. You don't mind Yukina borrowing your guitar, do you?" 

Though Lisa had her back to them, sorting out the contents of her bag, she could feel the two's nonsense tolerance plummeting. Lisa rattled on as she handed a score — and a bag of cookies — to each member. "The bass is so much easier than the guitar, and like, I don't really do complex arrangements like Rinko…" 

In other words, outside of Ako's, the score only consisted of the melody line and chord figures. "There's no lyrics on mine," Yukina said, holding hers up as though she'd expected more pages. 

"So that's the other thing. I figured it's best if we hear it in full but, as you all know…" Lisa waved her crooked left hand like an overgrown _maneki neko_ summoning the opposite of fortune. "… So I'll be singing, and I'm sorry in advance for subjecting you to my hideous voice — " 

"All right." 

" — but it'll be over in — eh?" 

Yukina rolled her eyes. "It's your song, isn't it? You may demo it however you want. And then we'll decide if Roselia will perform it. Rinko, could you give me an E?" saying that, she began tuning her loaned guitar. 

Following the leader, everyone began preparing their respective instrument. Lisa stood awkwardly on the side. Usually after handing everyone the score for a new song, Yukina would go around to give individual instructions. This time it was Lisa with the new song. 

All right. Ako was already waving her arms, asking for her help with the score. Lisa had a suspicion she didn't know how to read proper drum scores (neither could Lisa). "Score" was a generous word for the scrawl words and numbers. But that should be enough. It was a slow song, a soft song with few places to fill-in. Ako's least favourite kind of a song. But Lisa thought it was the mystery of the completed product that caused Ako's eyes to sparkle. 

On the other spectrum there was Rinko. Apart from helping Yukina tune the guitar, she hadn't touched the keyboard even once, her eyes darting over the score. Covered her mouth with a hand, maybe already hearing the entire song in her head without playing it, and with that understanding Lisa's intent in one go. No wonder Yukina had once said of them all it was Rinko who was the most talented (when Yukina bothered to acknowledge there was such a thing as talent, anyway). 

"It's… melancholic, isn't it," Rinko whispered when Lisa asked for her opinion. 

"Mm, yeah, yeah, that. Or a slow, sentimental ballad? No, actually, maybe don't make it too sad, just, um, heartfelt and moving, that kind of a feeling?" 

Rinko looked down at her hands, and nodded. Rinko could be defiant in her own way. Lisa looked over her shoulder, saw Yukina had approached Sayo at some point and put their heads together. Ignoring the churn in her gut, Lisa turned back to Rinko. 

"So I've been thinking about Theseus and his ship." 

"Yes?" 

"However I think of it, Roselia is Yukina's ship." Yukina's ethos, Yukina's aesthetics, Yukina's dream, all parts of it belonging to Yukina, and what little from Lisa it had she had dedicated to Yukina. Whatever came out of Roselia would belong to Yukina. Lisa's true deficiency, and the reason this was the only choice she could make, was that she couldn't see past her childhood friend's enormous shadow. "It's not mine. I'm sorry." 

"I understand… please leave it to me." 

Lisa had no time to wonder what Rinko understood; Yukina was calling for her. 

"How much more time do you need?" 

A bit more. A season for fireflies, a thousand lifetimes for humans. But the practical part of Lisa knew she mustn't waste more of Roselia's time than she had already. "Let's start now if everyone's ready?" 

They all were, as well as could be expected of the the up-and-coming indie sensation Roselia. For the first dry run Lisa hummed so as not to tip her hand too early. As she had predicted Yukina took to the guitar with no issue, and Sayo with only a little. 

("Well, Imai-san?" 

"I don't think red suits you, Sayo." 

Sayo didn't dignify that with a response.) 

For better or worse, it sounded like nothing Lisa had imagined, even accounting for the stiffness that came with first rehearsals. But that was, she supposed, the magic of performing music live. With each rehearsal came a new perspective of the music, to each performer, one interpretation affecting another until finally it became a whole piece. Until the next time, on a different stage, with another round of rehearsals bringing together a deeper understanding of the music. 

It wasn't a luxury Lisa could afford. All the same she savoured the first, and likely the last time her composition would be brought to life. 

"Aren't you going to sing?" Yukina asked, displaying a great fortitude in withholding her opinions. Already bored with the instrumental portion, and eager to judge the lyrics, and from there moved on to real music making. Fair enough, Lisa thought, she wasn't sophisticated enough to convey anything with just the music. The message was always in the words. 

"Ahaha, don't say I didn't warn you." 

She gripped the microphone tighter and signalled for Rinko to begin. To Rinko, whose musical expression was unparalleled in Roselia, she'd given the intro, to better set the tone of the rest of the song. Lisa had imagined it sounding brighter. It was still bright, and melancholic as promised. Ponderous, but moving ever forward. Then slowly piece by piece the other instruments would be added as the song entered its main thesis, the refrain. It was a bit basic, but. Even as she imagined herself singing it, Lisa still wrote the music with Yukina's voice in mind. The entire value of the song depended solely on Yukina's might. After all, she had written it for Roselia. 

Ties undone and remade. Once upon a time Lisa had laid down the bass and left Yukina. Through Roselia she took up music again, and resumed her bond with Yukina in some fashion. New friends, new experiences, all were made possible through re-entering the world of music. Looking back, her time with Roselia were not all fun and games. Some nights she left CiRCLE consumed with anxiety over her progress, barely keeping it in check so as not to worry anyone. Some sessions she felt she had pushed far enough to catch a phantom image of the elusive height Yukina and Sayo chased after. Always thereafter she would fall back to the reality of her poor skills. Always her inadequacies would be banished on the brilliant stage, and her anxiety becoming a distant nightmare when the music started. The bass could not stand alone, but together in a band it found an indispensable place. 

Lisa wasn't good with hiding her emotions, especially in writing. Too carried away, Yukina had called her earlier attempt at writing lyrics. But she thought there was no use hiding it for this last time. There was pain, there was joy. Sometimes it was balancing on a precipice, sometimes it was shooting across the dark sky like a comet. But more precious than anything were the bonds she had made, bonds she had hoped would survive this parting. Coming together, breaking apart. Paths that once converged may sometimes diverge again. But look, didn't we make something beautiful while it lasted? 

Her hand shook and her voice quavered as she hit the highest note, and never fully recovered. Though she had stopped singing Rinko held the final chord, unresolved, forever yearning to return to where things began. Alas, the music eventually died on that note. 

One look at everyone's face told her she couldn't joke her way out of this. She turned to Yukina, who was staring at her with narrowed eyes as though she was suddenly myopic. "So! How's it, is it good enough for Roselia?" 

"With revisions, but…" Yukina removed Sayo's guitar from her shoulder and placed it on a stand, deep in thoughts. "Lisa, what is the meaning of this?" 

Ako said, "Yeah! Why does it sound like a graduation song?" 

"Do you remember that night in the family restaurant after our first live? Yukina, you were very serious and grand — and Sayo sitting next to you like your adjutant already — and you asked if we were ready to devote everything for Roselia." 

"You said yes," Yukina said, throwing the words down like a full-house on the table. If there had been a table she would have slapped it. "I've never doubted your devotion, or your place in Roselia. I — I don't want you to quit!" 

The feeble, childish demand almost made Lisa falter. But it was too little, too late, and anyway it wasn't the issue at hand. "But I've never cared what you wanted, right, Yukina?" Lisa was good at quoting Yukina verbatim. It never failed to annoy her. Now she fell into a sullen quiet. Lisa's sincerity still hadn't quite sunk in yet. 

Firmly, Lisa continued. "Let me finish? At that time I wasn't lying. I did want to go to the Future World FES with all of you. I did love Roselia — I still do. I still like all of you very much. I was, am, and forever will be Roselia's biggest fan. Know that I'm not making this decision lightly. 

But after considering everything, I won't be performing at the Future World FES with you. I no longer want to. I'm sorry." 

She sensed Yukina had regained her bearing and was about to let loose. Lisa turned to her again, drawing faster. "You were right, after the SMS. Maybe my skill level isn't the biggest problem." 

"It's not," Yukina said decisively. "Sayo, tell her." 

But Sayo shook her head. "I would suggest that we listen to what Imai-san has to say." 

Lisa nodded. Out of everyone, Sayo held the most complete picture of what was going on. She had been present from start to finish, faithful to a fault. Mere words of gratitude wouldn't suffice. That's right, gratitude. The reason she took her time writing a song, and putting on this performance. Because, look, didn't they make something beautiful with Roselia? For that reason alone it must survive beyond her. Without her. It wouldn't do to poison Roselia with the ugliness that festered in her heart. Though this last thing she would keep to herself, even from Sayo. Especially from Sayo. 

So Lisa continued her story. "I know that with hard work I could make up for my weakness. I knew that, I've tried that. And I did see an improvement, even if I do say it myself." 

"We see it too!" Ako cut in, wringing her drumsticks. "Lisa-nee, you've improved a lot." 

"Thank you, Ako. But it was a lot of work, and I… to be completely honest, I don't want to put in all that work anymore. I'm sorry." Her voice cracked at the end. Lisa couldn't help but bow and apologise. For letting everyone down, for heaping troubles as they must now scramble to find her replacement. But she wasn't sorry enough to restart a life of frantically chasing and trailing behind the others, and failing. Lisa could no longer be fully devoted. Therefore she could no longer be a part of Roselia. 

Timidly she raised her head. Ako was on the verge of tears; Rinko was staring at her hands on the keyboard, but not surprised; Sayo was watching Yukina carefully; and Yukina seemed lost. It tore at the part of her heart not yet charred to black. Ah. She couldn't just leave this here. 

"But it truly was the best time of my life," Lisa said. With some effort she smiled. "And it's all thanks to you. And, you know, I'll still be around and all. I still want you all to succeed. I'll support you all the way to the FES and beyond in any way I can. So please, please don't say Roselia can't exist without me." 

Ako had left her position, but was stopped by Rinko, who gently shook her head. The commotion seemed to jolt Yukina out of her stupor. She looked around wild-eyed, finally rounding on Sayo. "You were supposed to stop her," Yukina spat. 

It occurred to Lisa that she had never seen Yukina and Sayo this out of sync. Even on the night they broke Roselia, after the SMS, both had put up a pretense of amicably and rationally agreeing to disagree. Here, now on their second round, Yukina was on the verge of spitting blood, and Sayo at peace and knowing exactly what to say. 

"That was before I realised this is what Imai-san needs for herself. Minato-san, I understand what you are thinking, maybe a little of what you're going through. But it does us all disservice to insist we cannot continue without Imai-san — it does Imai-san great dishonor to suggest so, that after all her efforts we have learned nothing, that we have not grown. Furthermore, then and now my answer remains the same: if Roselia is no longer the place for Imai-san, then we would be selfish to bind her to us. The same applies for all members. Even you, Minato-san, are free to leave Roselia should you find us chafing." 

A heavy silence fell on the studio, broken only by the sounds of Ako's restrained sobs. Fists clenched on her sides, Yukina glared at Sayo, even as the latter patiently met her gaze. Only once did Sayo look away, when she thought Lisa was about to speak up, she turned to Lisa and shook her head. 

Unexpectedly, it was Rinko who broke the silence. "Yukina-san," she implored. 

Yukina stirred, glaring at Rinko with the corner of her eyes. "Rinko, will you also stab me in the back?" 

"I think you've seen… and heard it… but you've always refused to acknowledge it…" 

No, Lisa thought, not like this, don't corner her like this. But she supposed it went both ways. Yukina had also changed without Lisa realising it. Having her willful ignorance shoved in her face, Yukina… capitulated. She bowed her head as if meditating, and when she lifted it up again her expression was completely unreadable to Lisa. Quietly, she said, "So be it. Go. You are not needed in Roselia." 

Ako made to speak up, but once again Rinko stopped her. Lisa only barely noticed them. Yukina's words occupied her waking thoughts. Distantly, as if observing a stranger, she noted relief in herself. A buzzing, electrifying sensation spread through her limbs. Her lips formed of their own accord a shape they often took, her vocal chords its usual tone. 

"You'd better not worry me into coming back," she might have said something like that. Lisa exited the studio like a cut off kite, dimly noting the sounds of the soundproofed door clicking behind her, or Marina's greeting as she passed the lobby. Drifting into the open air. 

The summer sun hit her full in the face. Lisa basked in its warmth, standing vacantly before the automated door. She should stop bothering it, she thought, so she moved. Though home sounded nice, she found herself moving to the cafe outside of CiRCLE instead, and dumping her body at the nearest empty table. 

Finally, as though she had finally come bursting out of water, she started breathing. Her hands shook as she brought them to her face. Remarkably her eyes were dry. It was as if she'd found it was her pet rabbit, not the cat, who had killed her pet bird. The truth came out, but the bird was still dead. She had had time to mourn it. And anyway she had no right to cry after betraying everyone. 

Although in the end she still high-tailed it like a coward. 

Lisa didn't know how long she sat there until a shadow fell on her. "Black coffee, Imai-san? I've heard it goes well with cookies." 

Two steaming cups were set on the table, a familiar guitar case on the chair next to her. Then Sayo sat on her opposite. 

"Why?" Lisa blurted. Normally too vague for Sayo, today was unusual enough that she answered without hesitation. 

"Minato-san called for a break. I think she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. If not, Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san are more than up to the task of soothing her. Ah, pardon me, you're wondering about this. You forgot your bass." 

"Oh, um, thank you. But… why are you here?" 

"Because I am… your loyal henchwoman. Woof. Ah, made you laugh." 

It took Lisa a minute to stop giggling uncontrollably. By then Sayo's ears had returned to their normal colours. Maybe it wasn't very kind of Lisa to laugh at Sayo for remembering her promise — okay, it wasn't nice at all. Though when she tried to apologise Sayo started frowning, and when she tried to thank her the scowl deepened. Lisa supposed she wouldn't be too happy, too, if their position had been reversed and she had just helped Sayo wound… 

Unable to hold herself, Lisa said, "So, uh, how much soothing does Yukina need?" 

"She threatened to invite Hina to be our bassist." 

"'Threaten' is such a strong word, though?" 

Sayo shrugged, though the pinch in her mouth belied her calmness. "Minato-san seems to have come to be genuinely fond of Hina, and Hina… fits in with Roselia, with some effort. It's not a too distant possibility." 

"Well… that was back when you thought it was a one-off gig, right? What do you think of it now?" Lisa leaned forward. This was familiar to her, Sayo's twin troubles, Lisa listening and offering her advice when needed. The guilt of causing a tiff between Sayo and Yukina, well, that was new. 

Sayo made a soft 'ah' sound, looking like a kid caught touching something she shouldn't. "My apologies, I'm not telling you this because I want to either condemn or persuade you to return, or to trouble you with our issues. It is manageable, for now." 

Our, Roselia's, of which Lisa was no longer a part of. She exhaled through her teeth. "It's fine, it's not like I could suddenly not care about you guys. But I think if it's you, Yukina would consider your feelings." 

"Imai-san." Sayo sighed more than spoke her name. Lisa busied herself with her coffee, so as to avoid Sayo's utterly forlorn, utterly piercing gaze. "I believe once Minato-san has calmed down, she would see that you only acted in the best interest of everyone." 

Lisa stopped smiling. "Sayo, you don't need to explain Yukina to _me_. Or to anyone, really." 

"I understand." 

_Like hell you do_. That Yukina was not so insensitive as to be ignorant of what Lisa wanted from her, that she chose to ignore it, believing Lisa's endless patience would return her to her side as always. Did Sayo understand? For the sake of achieving the impossible Yukina couldn't but temper herself and cast off impurities. Whatsoever unrelated to music, whatsoever would distract and taint her music. That her carefully constructed self could crumble, or worse change into something she would be happier with, all by a simple touch. In opening themselves people received something in returned, and was changed. In reaching out people gave something of themselves, and changed. For better or worse this new form would not be known until they were past the point of no return. Did Sayo understand? 

Lisa knew this because patient zero was sitting before her, absently blowing her coffee. The ripples on the black surface were a scant representation of what went in her head. This dumbass still worrying about Lisa and Yukina at this juncture. 

So maybe Yukina feared change, feared of losing herself. As early as a few weeks ago Lisa would have cajoled and assured her in turns. But now she thought only of domesticated animals who couldn't survive in the wild. An eagle soared, a kingfisher dove, and Yukina sang. Lisa thought she wouldn't want to be the one to tarnish Minato Yukina. 

… even though Yukina was neither a bird nor a piece of jewellery. She was just a girl who had outgrown her childhood friend a long time ago. 

She thought of Chisato. _Good news — or is it I'm sorry — it looks like your delicate fingers won't have to endure much longer_. Although Chisato would have a field day with her if Lisa showed up still drenched in self-pity. And anyway, Lisa did her part. Now it was Chisato's turn to ruin her band, or herself. 

Lisa picked at her cookie. Sayo's latest creation broke easily with a pinch, and melted astringent on her tongue. It was as though she had dumped an entire packet of black tea leaves into the cookie dough. The thought of Sayo experimenting with recipes on her own was sweet enough to counter it. 

"Shouldn't you go back inside? Don't mind me, I'm supposed to meet Chisato here this afternoon. It's supposed to be a secret, so mum's the word." 

Frowning in obvious concern for Lisa's sanity, Sayo muttered, "Shirasagi-san again?" 

"Ahaha, are you sure there's nothing between you? I'm thinking of baking something for her, as thanks for her help, but sweets are probably no-go for an actress." 

"It could still be a viable gift. Shirasagi-san has a non-actress sister who should be able to eat sweets." Sayo also mumbled something about Hina talking too much about Pastel Palettes. 

I see, I see, it's the insight of an older sister, eh." 

"It's nothing as such. But should you in your current condition require assistance, I may be of some help." 

Guilt and gratitude warred, and gratitude fed into guilt until it was big enough to swallow Lisa whole. She said, in the manner of a confession, "Chisato asked me to help her practice." 

"Even Shirasagi-san must recognise your skills." 

"And I still owe Kokoro a song or two for her help." 

"A Roselia-influenced Hello Happy World song should be interesting." 

"I'm not going to stop playing the bass this time, once my arm's fully healed." 

"Minato-san would never wish you to abandon music altogether." 

"I don't care what Yukina thinks," Lisa snapped. If she said it often enough, surely someday it would come true. Ah, Yukina. She'd really done it this time, hadn't she, she'd truly wounded Yukina. 

Sayo's hand lightly brushed against her left hand. Lisa grasped it, clumsily intertwining bandaged and whole fingers together. "But I wish someday I could, as just one opinion out of many… ahaha, what am I saying…" 

"I think I understand," Sayo said, giving her hand a weak squeeze. "I often wish Hina would stop following me." 

"Meaning Yukina should be feeling relief?" 

"It means that I understand your ambivalence." 

Lisa let go of Sayo's hand and drank her coffee. She looked at CiRCLE. Somewhere in there Yukina was sulking, and Rinko was having her hands full with both her and Ako. Or maybe they'd started practicing already, as professional as they aspired to be. 

"I'm not like you guys, you know. From now on this is all just for fun, or money." In other words, she was the kind of musician Yukina and Sayo scoffed at on a bad day — which she supposed was an improvement over their early days. 

Sayo grimaced, perhaps thinking of the same thing. "Did you think I said what I did to Minato-san simply to persuade her?" 

Lisa did, but she hummed noncommittally. Sayo pressed on. "I'm aware there are different purposes for music, and so does Minato-san. That you wouldn't abandon music will be a relief to her. It is to me. So long as we live in the same world, as the earth turns, paths that diverge may meet again." 

Lisa blinked. "Sayo, that's… really cheesy and embarrassing when you said it like that." 

Flustered, Sayo complained that it was Lisa's writing. Which it was. It was an exact quote of a lyric Sayo had heard once while grappling with the bass. As Lisa considered telling Sayo of this similarity with Hina, Sayo went on. "But I speak of the radiance embodied in your lyrics, and the warmth you exude indiscriminately. If your happiness brings other people happiness in turn, neither I nor Minato-san could begrudge you that." 

But I'm not that wonderful person you spoke of, Lisa thought. Quitting Roselia wasn't in anyone's best interest but her own. All that mattered to her was protecting herself before she turned into an even more abominable existence. But she couldn't bring herself to tell Sayo the truth. Instead a faint hope was born in her heart. If earnest and painfully honest Sayo believed so, that kind and generous Lisa must have existed, and if so she could become that person once again. 

"You've changed a lot, you know." Lisa managed to wring out. "When did you become good at sweet talking?" 

Sayo smiled, at once open and shy, green eyes shining in a different, but no less brilliant manner than her twin's. "It's all thanks to you. So you see, I speak from evidence. Once bassist of the infamous Roselia, sometimes songwriter Imai Lisa, whatever you may choose for yourself, I look forward to it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, and more besides, taken from Kiseki with some liberal interpretation. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments. When I started this story I didn't think I'd finish this before Neo-Aspect hit EN, nor that it would swell to this size. But it is complete. As for whether Hina would join Roselia, I'll leave it to you.


End file.
